1Just needed to express myself!
- Oct 11, 2007
Well her it goes I'm not a good writter, but I really don't care I'm going to express my self because this is the reason why I started this group so here it goes.
1. I'm bored out of my mind.
I guess being a Mom and having a partner to love is suppose to mean something right? Well don't get me wrong I love my son with all my heart and majority of my time is devoted to him. Also I really love my boyfriend but I just feel like I'm missing something. I know some people may say that void is GOD. Well they might be true but I feel GOD around me everyday I know that he is watching over me. But I feel like I have gotten to a point at my 31 years where I can't stand my life.
2. I miss my family and real friends.
I live far away from the people I care about the most. I feel like I really don't have anyone to talk to allot of times. Don't get me wrong I have family that lives near me and I do have maybe one or two people that I can call friends, but they have issues also and I feel like there advice is something they should be telling themselves instead of telling me. All my true friendships are the few people that I can truelly be myself and they won't judge me ,because they have my views , they think like me and they listen to me. My family loves me unconditionally and has always encouraged me to do my best and to believe that I can accomplish anything. Yet that unconditional love is so far away that I can only feel that once or twice a year around holidays and visits.
3.I have a horrible self view of myself.
My confidence level has gone down the tubes. I have change physically and mentally and I don't know why? I want to blame everyone else but myself. I know that I'm the only one that can pull me out of this rutt but for now this is only thing I can feel. Hopefully in time I can find true happiness and solitude.
4.Why am I so angery all the time?
I ask myself why am I so angry all the time I snapp at everyone or I give people the silent treatment. I can't be around people for a long time becuase they irritate me. I start arguements with my boyfriend for no reason, then I blame him for how I feel afterwards. I have violet dreams of me kicking ASS, I don't hurt anyone but I'm always fighting. I feel like the world feels the same way, like we all have this rage and nobody has the cure for it. People say it's stress, it's the environment, maybe it's in the water. But it's all around us. I work in the Hospitality Industry and I have seen so many people come on vacation and they don't enjoy themselves. They bring there pain and frustrations with them and they get angry if they didn't have 5 towels instead of 4. They write down everything wrong with the room so thay can have a reason to complain so they can get something free. But I understand what they are doing, because I feel this way too. So I decide to stay home instead of torturing the young teen at Hardees who had nothing to do with the fact I'm mad for no reason.
5. Does love have to be so hard?
When I was a teen I smilled and laughed allot. I was known for my fun loving personality, then love happened to me and I was miserable. Love beat me down untill I couldn't get up anymore. Love told me I was it's bitch and I better not cross him again or he would put me through hell again. So I ran away from love for about 4 years, then I wanted love agin knowing that something would be wrong. But Love showed me that there was different sides to him. He showed me that love for my child could heal the pain and help me understand that it's ok to love someone unconditionally. Love also showed me how friendship can feel the void when that special someone is no wear around and you just want a hug. Love showed me that your family is the most important part of a person being, and no one can change that. Love also make you crazy and you can do stupid things. Then I realized that love was like another job and you had to work for it and make sure you put in the time or you will you will hate love becuase it's a challenge when we live in a world that needs instant satisfaction. I know your probablely thinking that I'm strange or maybe you can relate ,but this is how my heart feels and I had to express it before it's to late. Thank You!