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RE: [SCA Newcomers] Hand Kissing questions

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  • Susan King
    I’m going to go ahead and put in my opinion on hand kissing, mostly because I don’t care for it myself. Having a strange man kissing my hand isn’t
    Message 1 of 11 , Jan 15, 2004
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      I’m going to go ahead and put in my opinion on hand kissing, mostly
      because I don’t care for it myself. Having a strange man kissing my hand
      isn’t something I’m comfortable with. I will always offer my hand to be
      shook, which is perfectly fine. But I have had men grab my hand and then
      kiss it, which is rude. I generally don’t make an issue of it, I just
      put more space between myself and that person rather than be put in that
      position again. My opinion is if the lady doesn’t offer her hand to be
      kissed, don’t assume its ok to do so.
      Lady Alvör


      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
    • Katie Pleasance
      I completely agree. Wait for the woman to offer her hand AND watch her reaction. This might take a little practice and a lot of quick judgement, but ... her
      Message 2 of 11 , Jan 15, 2004
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        I completely agree. Wait for the woman to offer her hand AND watch her
        reaction. This might take a little practice and a lot of quick judgement,
        but ... her body language will probably give you an indication of whether a
        kiss on the hand is welcome or a handshake would be more congenial (and
        possibly safer ... There is one creature of the male persuasion with whom I
        will shake hands to be friendly in public but if he *ever* tries to kiss
        even my hand, he will find himself rolling on the ground holding his
        precious private parts.)

        I'm married and way over flirting age. Kiss my hand and you will leave me
        smiling all day (unless you are the guy mentioned above). For me, it has
        nothing to do with marriage or hoped-for seduction. It is a custom, a
        politeness, an appreciation of my femininity -- appropriate in certain
        *limited* circumstances.

        And for gawds sake, keep it saliva-free and quiet -- your lips don't even
        need to touch her hand. It's the CHIVALROUS GESTURE that counts.

        As always, my opinion.

        Katherine de la Pleasance

        Lady Alvör wrote:
        >My opinion is if the lady doesn’t offer her hand to be
        >kissed, don’t assume its ok to do so.
      • Ld. Dylan
        Another alternative to kissing the hand is to touch the back of the proffered hand to your forehead...I have seen this done...and even once, after having
        Message 3 of 11 , Jan 16, 2004
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          Another alternative to kissing the hand is to touch the back of the
          proffered hand to your forehead...I have seen this done...and even
          once, after having kissed the ladies' hand, the lady in question
          returned the gesture by this forehead touch (the back of MY hand to
          her forehead). There have been instances when the lady kissed my hand
          as well...see, it goes both ways. In any case, hand kissing is quite
          proper if done correctly. And I agree that slobbering is a definate
          no-no. BTW, has anyone ever seen a hand-kiss to the PALM of the hand
          rather than the back? Again, I have seen this and interpret it to
          mean that there is more between the two people involved than mear
          friendship. Remarks to this?

          Dylan


          --- In scanewcomers@yahoogroups.com, Katie Pleasance <katie@k...>
          wrote:
          > I completely agree. Wait for the woman to offer her hand AND watch
          her
          > reaction. This might take a little practice and a lot of quick
          judgement,
          > but ... her body language will probably give you an indication of
          whether a
          > kiss on the hand is welcome or a handshake would be more congenial
          (and
          > possibly safer ... There is one creature of the male persuasion
          with whom I
          > will shake hands to be friendly in public but if he *ever* tries to
          kiss
          > even my hand, he will find himself rolling on the ground holding
          his
          > precious private parts.)
          >
          > I'm married and way over flirting age. Kiss my hand and you will
          leave me
          > smiling all day (unless you are the guy mentioned above). For me,
          it has
          > nothing to do with marriage or hoped-for seduction. It is a custom,
          a
          > politeness, an appreciation of my femininity -- appropriate in
          certain
          > *limited* circumstances.
          >
          > And for gawds sake, keep it saliva-free and quiet -- your lips
          don't even
          > need to touch her hand. It's the CHIVALROUS GESTURE that counts.
          >
          > As always, my opinion.
          >
          > Katherine de la Pleasance
          >
          > Lady Alvör wrote:
          > >My opinion is if the lady doesn't offer her hand to be
          > >kissed, don't assume its ok to do so.
        • bridgetthestargazer
          I have to say that I agree with the replies thus far. I remember having a discussion about this a number of years ago with friends in Atenveldt. There are
          Message 4 of 11 , Jan 16, 2004
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            I have to say that I agree with the replies thus far. I remember
            having a discussion about this a number of years ago with friends in
            Atenveldt. There are several factors in how a lady's hand is treated
            when offered to a gentleman. One of the most important ones is for
            both parties to be paying attention (which you should be doing anyway
            if being introduced or greeting someone). There have been a few
            gentelmen to whom I have been introduced that when I offered my hand
            I let them raise it only so far. A little pressure downward as the
            hand is being accepted should be enough to let the gentleman know
            that the preference is for him to kiss the air above the hand or
            simply bow over it.

            Depending on the situation, you can always bow over the lady's hand.
            After all, you never know when you might be coming down with a cold.

            This is one custom that can make both the lady and gentleman involved
            feel more like a lady and a gentelman than the mundane world
            sometimes allows IF they are both attentive to and respectful of each
            other's boundaries. I am fortunate enough to have never had my hand
            slobbered on. The genetlemen I have met have all been courteous.

            As others have mentioned, establish your own boundaries based on your
            comfort level and that of your wife. Those are the most important
            factors.

            Hope this rambling made some sense,
            Bridget the Stargazer
          • chemistbb3
            Don t do much hand kissing myself, unless it is someone I am involved with, and that included non-SCA Ladies also. Both sides of the hand are fair game in
            Message 5 of 11 , Jan 19, 2004
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              Don't do much hand kissing myself, unless it is someone I am involved
              with, and that included non-SCA Ladies also. Both sides of the hand
              are fair game in that case. *grin* I have kissed a hand when it was
              requested for a photo op at an event for a couple of Ladies who were
              newcomers and checking things out. Normally, instead of kissing a
              hand, I will grasp the Lady's hand as I would to kiss it, cover it
              with my other hand, bring it to my chest height and eloquently tell
              her how my day is now much brighter by getting to meet her.

              William

              --- In scanewcomers@yahoogroups.com, "Ld. Dylan"
              <lddylanmacleod@y...> wrote:
              > Another alternative to kissing the hand is to touch the back of the
              > proffered hand to your forehead...I have seen this done...and even
              > once, after having kissed the ladies' hand, the lady in question
              > returned the gesture by this forehead touch (the back of MY hand to
              > her forehead). There have been instances when the lady kissed my
              hand
              > as well...see, it goes both ways. In any case, hand kissing is
              quite
              > proper if done correctly. And I agree that slobbering is a definate
              > no-no. BTW, has anyone ever seen a hand-kiss to the PALM of the
              hand
              > rather than the back? Again, I have seen this and interpret it to
              > mean that there is more between the two people involved than mear
              > friendship. Remarks to this?
              >
              > Dylan
              >
            • SCARayne@aol.com
              William, You have a most wonderful solution!! And I would be very pleased to have someone greet me this manner. I do not like hand-kissing and my husband
              Message 6 of 11 , Jan 20, 2004
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                William,

                You have a most wonderful solution!! And I would be very pleased
                to have someone "greet" me this manner.

                I do not like hand-kissing and my husband does not like hand-kissing.
                If it is, but a quick brush on the top of the hand it will "slide",
                but any long lingering action with get you confronted by an irate
                "Mi'lord, I think you have introduced yourself quite long enough!".

                Rayne
                Meridies

                Normally, instead of kissing a
                > hand, I will grasp the Lady's hand as I would to kiss it, cover it
                > with my other hand, bring it to my chest height and eloquently tell
                > her how my day is now much brighter by getting to meet her.
                >
                > William
                >
              • chemistbb3
                ... kissing. ... it ... tell
                Message 7 of 11 , Jan 20, 2004
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                  --- In scanewcomers@yahoogroups.com, SCARayne@a... wrote:
                  > William,
                  >
                  > You have a most wonderful solution!! And I would be very pleased
                  > to have someone "greet" me this manner.
                  >
                  > I do not like hand-kissing and my husband does not like hand-
                  kissing.
                  > If it is, but a quick brush on the top of the hand it will "slide",
                  > but any long lingering action with get you confronted by an irate
                  > "Mi'lord, I think you have introduced yourself quite long enough!".
                  >
                  > Rayne
                  > Meridies
                  >
                  > Normally, instead of kissing a
                  > > hand, I will grasp the Lady's hand as I would to kiss it, cover
                  it
                  > > with my other hand, bring it to my chest height and eloquently
                  tell
                  > > her how my day is now much brighter by getting to meet her.
                  > >
                  > > William
                  > >
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