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Re: [SCA Newcomers] Event /Autocrat question

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  • bronwynmgn@aol.com
    Message 1 of 21 , Jan 8, 2011
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      <<Brangwayna: You are assuming there was "behavior directed toward them."

      Unless they know from someone else, this could have been accidental, not
      intentional.

      I just do not understand why they are throwing their arms up an not going to
      the event because of this.>>


      I am assuming this because Maryelizabeth used the phrase "flat-out refused to contact me on several occasions". I would assume that this means that the autocrat told her in some form (perhaps passed on by the son's girlfriend who is the daughter of the autocrat?) that she wouldn't answer questions from her.
      I have seen any number of posts here and elsewhere about trying to get in touch with someone and simply not getting an answer. Those pople sometimes feel slighted and sometimes think there may be a problem with the contact information. But they don't say someone "flat-out refused" to contact them, they simply say they got no response. So I am assuming, from her wording, that she has had a direct or near-direct confirmation that the person is specifically refusing to answer.

      In which case I think she has a right to be upset and to feel unwelcome enough to choose not to go to the event. Espceially since the autocrat of the event is someone known to them, and presumably at least comfortable with them, since their children are dating.

      Brangwayna Morgan







      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
    • Susan B. Farmer
      ... Maybe they d been told to ask the autocrat! We don t know what kinds of questions that they had of this particular autocrat. (and no, we as a list DON T
      Message 2 of 21 , Jan 8, 2011
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        On 1/8/2011 12:28 PM, Bill Toscano wrote:
        > Brangwayna: You are assuming there was "behavior directed toward them."
        >
        > Unless they know from someone else, this could have been accidental, not
        > intentional.
        >
        > I just do not understand why they are throwing their arms up an not going to
        > the event because of this.
        >


        Maybe they'd been told to ask the autocrat! We don't know what kinds of
        questions that they had of this particular autocrat. (and no, we as a
        list DON'T NEED TO KNOW!) There are some questions that only the
        autocrat can answer that may have a very definite bearing on attendance!
        (Are the sleeping quarters heated, for example).

        If their questions are serious enough for them that the lack of answers
        has precluded their attendance at the event, then so be it. Without
        knowing all the facts, I don't think that we should question their choices.

        jerusha
        --
        Susan Farmer
        sfarmer@...
        Abraham Baldwin Agricultural College
        Division of Science and Math
        http://www.goldsword.com/sfarmer/Trillium/
      • Bill Toscano
        All we know is what we read, but certainly no one should give up $60 over what coule be a mis-communication. They should definitely contact the autocrat. As
        Message 3 of 21 , Jan 8, 2011
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          All we know is what we read, but certainly no one should give up $60 over
          what coule be a mis-communication.

          They should definitely contact the autocrat.

          As far as "refusal to contact," we are getting only one side of the story.
          It sounds to me like assumptions are being made.

          But we can all have our opinions.

          Liam



          On Sat, Jan 8, 2011 at 2:53 PM, Susan B. Farmer <sfarmer@...>wrote:

          >
          >
          > On 1/8/2011 12:28 PM, Bill Toscano wrote:
          > > Brangwayna: You are assuming there was "behavior directed toward them."
          > >
          > > Unless they know from someone else, this could have been accidental, not
          > > intentional.
          > >
          > > I just do not understand why they are throwing their arms up an not going
          > to
          > > the event because of this.
          > >
          >
          > Maybe they'd been told to ask the autocrat! We don't know what kinds of
          > questions that they had of this particular autocrat. (and no, we as a
          > list DON'T NEED TO KNOW!) There are some questions that only the
          > autocrat can answer that may have a very definite bearing on attendance!
          > (Are the sleeping quarters heated, for example).
          >
          > If their questions are serious enough for them that the lack of answers
          > has precluded their attendance at the event, then so be it. Without
          > knowing all the facts, I don't think that we should question their choices.
          >
          > jerusha
          > --
          > Susan Farmer
          > sfarmer@... <sfarmer%40goldsword.com>
          > Abraham Baldwin Agricultural College
          > Division of Science and Math
          > http://www.goldsword.com/sfarmer/Trillium/
          >
          >


          [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
        • Bill Toscano
          Mistake! Second sentence should read: They should definitely contact the *seneschal.* ... [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
          Message 4 of 21 , Jan 8, 2011
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            Mistake!

            Second sentence should read:

            They should definitely contact the *seneschal.*



            On Sat, Jan 8, 2011 at 10:06 PM, Bill Toscano <liamstliam@...> wrote:

            > All we know is what we read, but certainly no one should give up $60 over
            > what coule be a mis-communication.
            >
            > They should definitely contact the autocrat.
            >
            > As far as "refusal to contact," we are getting only one side of the story.
            > It sounds to me like assumptions are being made.
            >
            > But we can all have our opinions.
            >
            > Liam
            >
            >
            >
            >
            > On Sat, Jan 8, 2011 at 2:53 PM, Susan B. Farmer <sfarmer@...>wrote:
            >
            >>
            >>
            >> On 1/8/2011 12:28 PM, Bill Toscano wrote:
            >> > Brangwayna: You are assuming there was "behavior directed toward them."
            >> >
            >> > Unless they know from someone else, this could have been accidental, not
            >> > intentional.
            >> >
            >> > I just do not understand why they are throwing their arms up an not
            >> going to
            >> > the event because of this.
            >> >
            >>
            >> Maybe they'd been told to ask the autocrat! We don't know what kinds of
            >> questions that they had of this particular autocrat. (and no, we as a
            >> list DON'T NEED TO KNOW!) There are some questions that only the
            >> autocrat can answer that may have a very definite bearing on attendance!
            >> (Are the sleeping quarters heated, for example).
            >>
            >> If their questions are serious enough for them that the lack of answers
            >> has precluded their attendance at the event, then so be it. Without
            >> knowing all the facts, I don't think that we should question their
            >> choices.
            >>
            >> jerusha
            >> --
            >> Susan Farmer
            >> sfarmer@... <sfarmer%40goldsword.com>
            >> Abraham Baldwin Agricultural College
            >> Division of Science and Math
            >> http://www.goldsword.com/sfarmer/Trillium/
            >>
            >>
            >
            >


            [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
          • Maryelizabeth Hancock
            There were other (non-Scadian) issues at play and I have finally been contacted by the autocrat. All has ben worked out and very well, I might add. We are
            Message 5 of 21 , Jan 8, 2011
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              There were other (non-Scadian) issues at play and I have finally been contacted by the autocrat. All has ben worked out and very well, I might add. We are going to go to the event, now that the issue is worked out, as long as the snow and ice stay away.
               
              I am sorry to have created a heated discussion. It was not my intention. Please forgive me for this. I am not one that likes dissention or even heated debates, and seeing this is quite embarrassing.
               
              The Scadian issues and the personal/private issues are all worked out, and taken care of, to everyone's satisfaction (especially that of my son and his girlfriend.)


              Maryelizabeth Hancock

               

              --- On Sat, 1/8/11, Susan B. Farmer <sfarmer@...> wrote:


              From: Susan B. Farmer <sfarmer@...>
              Subject: Re: [SCA Newcomers] Event /Autocrat question
              To: scanewcomers@yahoogroups.com
              Date: Saturday, January 8, 2011, 2:53 PM


               



              On 1/8/2011 12:28 PM, Bill Toscano wrote:
              > Brangwayna: You are assuming there was "behavior directed toward them."
              >
              > Unless they know from someone else, this could have been accidental, not
              > intentional.
              >
              > I just do not understand why they are throwing their arms up an not going to
              > the event because of this.
              >

              Maybe they'd been told to ask the autocrat! We don't know what kinds of
              questions that they had of this particular autocrat. (and no, we as a
              list DON'T NEED TO KNOW!) There are some questions that only the
              autocrat can answer that may have a very definite bearing on attendance!
              (Are the sleeping quarters heated, for example).

              If their questions are serious enough for them that the lack of answers
              has precluded their attendance at the event, then so be it. Without
              knowing all the facts, I don't think that we should question their choices.

              jerusha
              --
              Susan Farmer
              sfarmer@...
              Abraham Baldwin Agricultural College
              Division of Science and Math
              http://www.goldsword.com/sfarmer/Trillium/










              [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
            • Maryelizabeth Hancock
              Oh the money was not for the reservation - I understand that those are refundable, but were for other items for the event that would not normally be purchased.
              Message 6 of 21 , Jan 8, 2011
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                Oh the money was not for the reservation - I understand that those are refundable, but were for other items for the event that would not normally be purchased. Like I said, though, all has worked out.
                 
                We had some crossed wires and everything has been ironed out and discussed effectively. There was no malice intended, and I most likely was over reacting due to some other issues, etc. (WAY too much on my plate right now, but hey, Mom does it all, right?)


                Maryelizabeth Hancock

                 

                --- On Sat, 1/8/11, bronwynmgn@... <bronwynmgn@...> wrote:


                From: bronwynmgn@... <bronwynmgn@...>
                Subject: Re: [SCA Newcomers] Event /Autocrat question
                To: scanewcomers@yahoogroups.com
                Date: Saturday, January 8, 2011, 12:23 PM


                 





                <<We were planning to attend an event later this month in Virginia Beach, had purchased carnivale masks for it, etc. and I have repeatedly (for over 3 weeks) tried to connect with the autocrat, who just happens to be the mom of my son's girlfriend.

                She basically flat out refused to return a call on more than one ocasion, leading my husband and I to believe that we are not welcome at this event.

                Needless to say, we are out 60.00 and are not attending said event.

                Is this a common occurence? Or did we just find an autocrat who doesn't feel that questions are her specialty? >>

                I would personally consider this completely unacceptable behavior for any autocrat. And you should not be out money if you contact the reservation person ahead of time and tell them that you are not coming and ask for a refund. They should be able to sell your spaces at the door.
                I would also contact the seneschal of the group in question and complain about the autocrat's behavior towards you. They do not need an autocrat who has an attitude like that, and if you notify the seneschal they will think twice about allowing her to autocrat again.

                Brangwayna Morgan

                =

                [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]











                [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
              • Bill Toscano
                I am sorry I misunderstood. I assumed the money was for gate. I am glad things have been worked out. Keep us posted and leyt us know when you do get to an
                Message 7 of 21 , Jan 8, 2011
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                  I am sorry I misunderstood. I assumed the money was for gate.

                  I am glad things have been worked out.

                  Keep us posted and leyt us know when you do get to an event.

                  Liam


                  On Sat, Jan 8, 2011 at 10:17 PM, Maryelizabeth Hancock <peterbenma@...
                  > wrote:

                  >
                  >
                  > Oh the money was not for the reservation - I understand that those are
                  > refundable, but were for other items for the event that would not normally
                  > be purchased. Like I said, though, all has worked out.
                  >
                  > We had some crossed wires and everything has been ironed out and discussed
                  > effectively. There was no malice intended, and I most likely was over
                  > reacting due to some other issues, etc. (WAY too much on my plate right now,
                  > but hey, Mom does it all, right?)
                  >
                  > Maryelizabeth Hancock
                  >
                  >
                  >
                  > --- On Sat, 1/8/11, bronwynmgn@... <bronwynmgn%40aol.com> <
                  > bronwynmgn@... <bronwynmgn%40aol.com>> wrote:
                  >
                  > From: bronwynmgn@... <bronwynmgn%40aol.com> <bronwynmgn@...<bronwynmgn%40aol.com>
                  > >
                  >
                  > Subject: Re: [SCA Newcomers] Event /Autocrat question
                  > To: scanewcomers@yahoogroups.com <scanewcomers%40yahoogroups.com>
                  > Date: Saturday, January 8, 2011, 12:23 PM
                  >
                  >
                  >
                  >
                  > <<We were planning to attend an event later this month in Virginia Beach,
                  > had purchased carnivale masks for it, etc. and I have repeatedly (for over 3
                  > weeks) tried to connect with the autocrat, who just happens to be the mom of
                  > my son's girlfriend.
                  >
                  > She basically flat out refused to return a call on more than one ocasion,
                  > leading my husband and I to believe that we are not welcome at this event.
                  >
                  > Needless to say, we are out 60.00 and are not attending said event.
                  >
                  > Is this a common occurence? Or did we just find an autocrat who doesn't
                  > feel that questions are her specialty? >>
                  >
                  > I would personally consider this completely unacceptable behavior for any
                  > autocrat. And you should not be out money if you contact the reservation
                  > person ahead of time and tell them that you are not coming and ask for a
                  > refund. They should be able to sell your spaces at the door.
                  > I would also contact the seneschal of the group in question and complain
                  > about the autocrat's behavior towards you. They do not need an autocrat who
                  > has an attitude like that, and if you notify the seneschal they will think
                  > twice about allowing her to autocrat again.
                  >
                  > Brangwayna Morgan
                  >
                  > =
                  >
                  > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
                  >
                  > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
                  >
                  >
                  >


                  [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
                • Cailin Mac Kinnach
                  FWIW in seven years of playing in the sca, I ve communicated with an Autocrat exactly twice. Once was immediate and thorough, the second was the polar
                  Message 8 of 21 , Jan 8, 2011
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                    FWIW in seven years of playing in the sca, I've communicated with an
                    Autocrat exactly twice. Once was immediate and thorough, the second
                    was the polar opposite.

                    I've found that finding the local group's email list, discussion
                    board, etc is far more helpful.

                    Also: just say no to dram. :)

                    On Sat, Jan 8, 2011 at 10:34 PM, Bill Toscano <liamstliam@...> wrote:
                    > I am sorry I misunderstood. I assumed the money was for gate.
                    >
                    > I am glad things have been worked out.
                    >
                    > Keep us posted and leyt us know when you do get to an event.
                    >
                    > Liam
                    >
                    >
                    > On Sat, Jan 8, 2011 at 10:17 PM, Maryelizabeth Hancock <peterbenma@...
                    >> wrote:
                    >
                    >>
                    >>
                    >> Oh the money was not for the reservation - I understand that those are
                    >> refundable, but were for other items for the event that would not normally
                    >> be purchased. Like I said, though, all has worked out.
                    >>
                    >> We had some crossed wires and everything has been ironed out and discussed
                    >> effectively. There was no malice intended, and I most likely was over
                    >> reacting due to some other issues, etc. (WAY too much on my plate right now,
                    >> but hey, Mom does it all, right?)
                    >>
                    >> Maryelizabeth Hancock
                    >>
                    >>
                    >>
                    >> --- On Sat, 1/8/11, bronwynmgn@... <bronwynmgn%40aol.com> <
                    >> bronwynmgn@... <bronwynmgn%40aol.com>> wrote:
                    >>
                    >> From: bronwynmgn@... <bronwynmgn%40aol.com> <bronwynmgn@...<bronwynmgn%40aol.com>
                    >> >
                    >>
                    >> Subject: Re: [SCA Newcomers] Event /Autocrat question
                    >> To: scanewcomers@yahoogroups.com <scanewcomers%40yahoogroups.com>
                    >> Date: Saturday, January 8, 2011, 12:23 PM
                    >>
                    >>
                    >>
                    >>
                    >> <<We were planning to attend an event later this month in Virginia Beach,
                    >> had purchased carnivale masks for it, etc. and I have repeatedly (for over 3
                    >> weeks) tried to connect with the autocrat, who just happens to be the mom of
                    >> my son's girlfriend.
                    >>
                    >> She basically flat out refused to return a call on more than one ocasion,
                    >> leading my husband and I to believe that we are not welcome at this event.
                    >>
                    >> Needless to say, we are out 60.00 and are not attending said event.
                    >>
                    >> Is this a common occurence? Or did we just find an autocrat who doesn't
                    >> feel that questions are her specialty? >>
                    >>
                    >> I would personally consider this completely unacceptable behavior for any
                    >> autocrat. And you should not be out money if you contact the reservation
                    >> person ahead of time and tell them that you are not coming and ask for a
                    >> refund. They should be able to sell your spaces at the door.
                    >> I would also contact the seneschal of the group in question and complain
                    >> about the autocrat's behavior towards you. They do not need an autocrat who
                    >> has an attitude like that, and if you notify the seneschal they will think
                    >> twice about allowing her to autocrat again.
                    >>
                    >> Brangwayna Morgan
                    >>
                    >> =
                    >>
                    >> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
                    >>
                    >> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
                    >>
                    >>
                    >>
                    >
                    >
                    > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
                    >
                    >
                    >
                    > ------------------------------------
                    >
                    > Yahoo! Groups Links
                    >
                    >
                    >
                    >
                  • j davis
                    ... ( much snippage) but hey, Mom does it all, right?) Maryelizabeth Hancock  no maryelizabeth, mom doesn t it all. but mom does so much of it that it just
                    Message 9 of 21 , Jan 9, 2011
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                      --- On Sat, 1/8/11, Maryelizabeth Hancock <peterbenma@...> wrote:

                      ( much snippage)





                      but hey, Mom does it all, right?)

                      Maryelizabeth Hancock

                       no maryelizabeth, mom doesn't it all. but mom does so much of it that it just seems that way.  moms are god's greatest gift to menkind.  brother john of antioche






                      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
                    • Stefan li Rous
                      Maryelizabeth (Apolonia?) commented:
                      Message 10 of 21 , Jan 9, 2011
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                        Maryelizabeth (Apolonia?) commented:
                        <<< The Scadian issues and the personal/private issues are all worked out, and taken care of, to everyone's satisfaction (especially that of my son and his girlfriend.) >>>

                        I have at various times heard the SCA compared to being like a family, sometimes said in tones of exasperation. And while I have a file on that theme, these are the ones that were first occurring to me.

                        SCA-romance-msg (40K) 2/13/06 SCA romances and meeting SOs in the SCA.
                        http://www.florilegium.org/files/STORIES/SCA-romance-msg.html

                        romance-today-msg (16K) 9/ 5/10 Romantic ideas from period to use today.
                        http://www.florilegium.org/files/STORIES/romance-today-msg.html

                        It isn't uncommon for folks to meet in the SCA and later get married. Divorced, too. But I did say the SCA is like family...

                        Stefan

                        --------
                        THLord Stefan li Rous Barony of Bryn Gwlad Kingdom of Ansteorra
                        Mark S. Harris Austin, Texas StefanliRous@...
                        **** See Stefan's Florilegium files at: http://www.florilegium.org ****
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