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  • Sonya
    Why is it so hard to fit in? We recently moved to a new area and attended an event. Everyone avoided us. What is with that?
    Message 1 of 8 , Oct 24, 2007
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      Why is it so hard to fit in? We recently moved to a new area and
      attended an event. Everyone avoided us. What is with that?
    • chemistbb3
      You re new and everyone was waiting for you to make the first move... Everyone though you were with someone else and did not want to intrude... And I am sure
      Message 2 of 8 , Oct 24, 2007
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        You're new and everyone was waiting for you to make the first move...

        Everyone though you were with someone else and did not want to
        intrude...

        And I am sure there are several other reasons that might apply, and
        none are really an excuse.

        Don't let that keep you from trying again. Also be a bit forward,
        especially if you see someone doing something that interests you. Ask
        questions or to be shown how something is done.

        Remember everyone like to talk about themselves so use that as an
        icebreaker to get folks to thaw out to you.

        William

        --- In scanewcomers@yahoogroups.com, "Sonya" <moms_disa@...> wrote:
        >
        > Why is it so hard to fit in? We recently moved to a new area and
        > attended an event. Everyone avoided us. What is with that?
        >
      • David Backlin
        Stop & chat w/ the merchants... we love company ;) ... From: chemistbb3 To: Sent: Wednesday,
        Message 3 of 8 , Oct 24, 2007
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          Stop & chat w/ the merchants... we love company ;)



          ----- Original Message -----
          From: "chemistbb3" <no_reply@yahoogroups.com>
          To: <scanewcomers@yahoogroups.com>
          Sent: Wednesday, October 24, 2007 11:40 PM
          Subject: [SCA Newcomers] Re: why...


          > You're new and everyone was waiting for you to make the first move...
          >
          > Everyone though you were with someone else and did not want to
          > intrude...
          >
          > And I am sure there are several other reasons that might apply, and
          > none are really an excuse.
          >
          > Don't let that keep you from trying again. Also be a bit forward,
          > especially if you see someone doing something that interests you. Ask
          > questions or to be shown how something is done.
          >
          > Remember everyone like to talk about themselves so use that as an
          > icebreaker to get folks to thaw out to you.
          >
          > William
          >
        • Coblaith Mhuimhneach
          ... Only somebody who was there could really answer that question. There could be dozens of reasons that might happen, or that you might perceive that as
          Message 4 of 8 , Oct 24, 2007
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            Sonya wrote:
            > . . .We recently moved to a new area and attended an event. Everyone
            > avoided us. What is with that?

            Only somebody who was there could really answer that question. There
            could be dozens of reasons that might happen, or that you might
            perceive that as happening.

            You said you moved and went to an event. Did you try making contact
            with your new branch outside that setting? People at events tend to be
            busy, especially the people most likely to reach out to a newcomer.
            (Every group has its "do-ers".) It might be easier to connect with the
            locals in more relaxed circumstances, like a business or populace
            meeting, an A&S class, or fighter practice.

            If you haven't already, contact your branch's hospitaler or chatelaine
            (or, if it has neither, its seneschal) and ask for information on what
            goes on locally and how to get involved. Be prepared to discuss the
            S.C.A. activities you think you'd like to try; a good hospitaler will
            introduce you to people who share your interests, or recommend upcoming
            opportunities to explore them. Once you start making connections,
            you'll probably find the circle of your acquaintances expands fairly
            rapidly.


            Coblaith Mhuimhneach
            Barony of Bryn Gwlad
            Kingdom of Ansteorra
            <mailto:Coblaith@...>
          • Natasha Laity Snyder
            I highly recommend getting on your area group s internet list serve - if you announce on there that you are new and would like to meet new people, you ll get
            Message 5 of 8 , Oct 25, 2007
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              I highly recommend getting on your area group's internet list serve -
              if you announce on there that you are new and would like to meet new
              people, you'll get many responses. I also have found that events
              aren't the best place to meet people, but small local classes that
              are occurring ARE. At a class, it's a small group, and people are
              generally sitting around a table chatting for a few hours. At an
              event, people are doing a hundred things and often don't have much
              time to chat if they are involved in any of the activities. Also, go
              to feast at events. Even if you aren't into the food, feast is a
              great way to meet other people from your Kingdom and chat with them.
              I'm a vegetarian, so sometimes feasts aren't good for me, but I
              always go, because it is the best SCA networking activity.

              Natasha Laity Snyder

              Lady Tangwystel vyrgh Gwethenek
              Minister of Arts and Sciences
              Barony of Black Diamond









              [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
            • Sara L Uckelman
              ... Did the people know that you were new? It could be that no one knew that you were new to the area, and so no one realized that you didn t know anyone. I
              Message 6 of 8 , Oct 25, 2007
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                Quoth "Sonya":
                > Why is it so hard to fit in? We recently moved to a new area and
                > attended an event. Everyone avoided us. What is with that?

                Did the people know that you were new? It could be that no one knew
                that you were new to the area, and so no one realized that you didn't
                know anyone. I would definitely *not* take this as something personal.
                If you already know some of the people at an event, you're going to
                tend to spend your time with the people you know -- except for the
                people who are exceptionally outgoing, most people don't just stand
                around saying "Hmmm, I wonder who the new people are?" and seek them
                out. If there are lots of people attending an event that the local
                people don't know, a lot of times it's very difficult, if not impossible,
                to tell who they don't know because they're new to the area and those
                they don't know because they're not from the area.

                Have you been able to talk to your local seneschal or chatelaine? I
                would write off the event as a fluke and try to get involved with
                some local activity, such as fighter practice or arts & sciences night.
                It's easier to get to know people in these smaller, less hectic
                situations. Please don't take your experience at the event as anything
                personal, and give things another shot!

                -Aryanhwy




                --
                vita sine literis mors est
                http://www.ellipsis.cx/~liana/
              • Janet
                My advice for a new person attending their first event (or your first time in a new area): When you check in at troll, talk to someone there and let them know
                Message 7 of 8 , Oct 25, 2007
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                  My advice for a new person attending their first event (or your first time in a new area):
                  When you check in at troll, talk to someone there and let them know you are new (or recently moved to the area). They may be able to steer you towards someone to act as a bit of a tour guide. If not, your next statement to them should be: "Do you know if any help is needed anywhere?" Things you can easily do a shift as: water bearer, help with feast prep, serving feast. probably some other stuff. There will be other people doing what you are doing when you volunteer. It gives you someone to talk to for a while. Make sure you tell them how long you want to help. "I'd like to spend an hour or two in service waterbearing." or whatever you want to do. Otherwise, you will find yourself working all day (not always a bad thing. It can be a lot of fun sometimes.)

                  Isabel
                  Middle Kingdom


                  ----- Original Message ----

                  From: Sonya <moms_disa@...>

                  To: scanewcomers@yahoogroups.com

                  Sent: Thursday, October 25, 2007 12:31:09 AM

                  Subject: [SCA Newcomers] why...



                  Why is it so hard to fit in? We recently moved to a new area and

                  attended an event. Everyone avoided us. What is with that?











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                • Justinos Tekton called Justin
                  ... I can think of a couple of other reasons in addition to the ones mentioned: * At an event, most people are really busy doing the things they love to do. It
                  Message 8 of 8 , Oct 25, 2007
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                    On Thursday 25 October 2007 00:31, Sonya wrote:
                    > Why is it so hard to fit in? We recently moved to a new area and
                    > attended an event. Everyone avoided us. What is with that?

                    I can think of a couple of other reasons in addition to the ones mentioned:

                    * At an event, most people are really busy doing the things they love to
                    do. It may be that, purely by coincidence, the few people who realized
                    you might be new, were either also new or were themselves too shy to
                    make the first contact. The SCA is full of people ranging from extremely
                    outgoing, to extremely shy. Maybe your local group has a high percentage
                    of shy people....it does happen.

                    * There is in most SCA groups a very great acceptance of being "forward"
                    about introducing oneself and asking about an interesting-looking piece
                    of garb, A&S project, unusual armor, or other activity. It's perfectly
                    okay to walk up to a stranger and say, "M'Lady, that is a wonderful
                    hat you are wearing, but I've never seen one like it. Do you have a moment
                    to tell me about it?" Most established members realize this and have no
                    hesitation to do so -- thus, they may not have realized that _you_ didn't
                    know this.

                    * If you attended as a family, or a group of friends who stuck close
                    together, you may have looked to others as if you were a self-contained
                    social unit that valued privacy. Most SCA folk would respect that wish,
                    and would not intrude, if you seemed as if you wanted no intrusions.
                    Unfortunately, if you and your family felt awkward, you may have
                    unconsciously stuck together this way, and others may have gotten the
                    wrong idea.

                    The advice others have given, of making contact with your local group in
                    a less formal setting such as a shire meeting, is in my opionion very good
                    advice. Likewise, if you attend another event, asking at Troll (the gate
                    where you pay your fee) if there is someplace to help out is just about
                    guaranteed to win you immediate friendly reception. :-) Most of the time,
                    event work crews become social activities in their own right as people
                    lighten the work with pleasant conversation. "Many hands make light work."

                    Welcome to the SCA. Be patient...you'll soon make those first social
                    contacts. :-)

                    Kind regards,

                    Justin

                    --
                    ()xxxx[]::::::::::::::::::> <::::::::::::::::::[]xxxx()
                    Maistor Justinos Tekton called Justin (Scott Courtney)
                    Gules, on a bezant a fleam sable and on a chief dovetailed Or two
                    keys fesswise reversed sable.

                    Marche of Alderford (Canton, Ohio) http://4th.com/sca/justin/
                    justin@... PGP Public Key at http://4th.com/keys/justin.pubkey
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