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  • Salman Sher Mohammad
    A dietitian was addressing a large audience in Chicago. The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here. Red meat is
    Message 1 of 25 , Feb 27, 2001
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      A dietitian was addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put
      into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here. Red meat
      is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining.
      Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous due to
      chemicals and pesticides used on them, and none of us realizes the long-term
      harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. "But there is one thing that
      is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone
      here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for
      years after eating it?"

      A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake".

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    • Salman Sher Mohammad
      There was this Antartian that wanted to take up a new winter hobby. She went to the library and started studying all about ice fishing. Finally, she went out
      Message 2 of 25 , Jun 24, 2001
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        There was this Antartian that wanted to take up a new winter hobby. She went
        to the library and started studying all about ice fishing. Finally, she went
        out on the ice, set up all her stuff, and sat down. All of a sudden, a
        bellowing voice from above said there are no fish under the ice". Startled,
        she got up and moved to a different spot. Right as she began to sit down,
        the voice from above spoke again. There are no fish under the ice"
        Frustrated, she got up and walked a long ways away onto a new patch of ice.
        She sat down and set up all of her gear. Once again, the voice spoke. There
        are no fish under the ice". Now the Antartian was very mad. "God, is that
        you? she asked. "No!, it is the manager of the ice skating rink" the voice
        replied.





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        =======================================

        "Life always gives you back what you give out.
        Your life is not a coincidence,
        But a mirror of your doings."

        =======================================
      • Salman Sher Mohammad
        A MYSTERY A man takes his place in the theatre, but his seat is too far from the stage. He gestures to the usher, This is a mystery and I have to watch a
        Message 3 of 25 , Jun 25, 2001
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          A MYSTERY

          A man takes his place in the theatre, but his seat is too far from the stage. He gestures to the usher, "This is a mystery and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip." The usher moves him to the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. The usher looks at the quarter and then leans over and whispers, "The wife did it."
           
           
           
           
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          =======================================
           
          "Life always gives you back what you give out.
          Your life is not a coincidence,
          But a mirror of your doings."
           
          =======================================
        • Salman Sher Mohammad
          Taxi Driver A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on
          Message 4 of 25 , Jul 23 12:25 PM
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            Taxi Driver

            A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

            The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years. 

             
             
             
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            Chagani@...
             
             
            ============================
             
            "You begin to live life looking for the God
                           that is all around you,
                every moment becomes a prayer."
             
            ============================
          • Salman Sher Mohammad
            Little Johnny went to the Doctor to get a vaccination. After the shot, the Doc pulled out a Band-Aid and started to cover the spot on his arm. Johnny asked him
            Message 5 of 25 , Jul 26 6:19 PM
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              Little Johnny went to the Doctor to get a vaccination. After
              the shot, the Doc pulled out a Band-Aid and started to cover
              the spot on his arm. Johnny asked him to put it on the other
              arm.
               
              "But, I put it over where you got the shot to let others know
              that it's tender and they shouldn't touch it," replied the Doc.
               
              Answered Johnny, " You really don't know much about little
              boys, do you ?"
               
               
               
              §ålmäñ §hèr MøhãmmâÐ
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              Chagani@...
               
               
              ============================
               
              "You begin to live life looking for the God
                             that is all around you,
                  every moment becomes a prayer."
               
              ============================
            • Salman Sher Mohammad
              The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could
              Message 6 of 25 , Jul 29 7:13 AM
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                The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. The chauffeur felt powerless to refuse His Holiness, so he climbed in the back of the limo and the pope took the wheel. The Pope proceeded onto Interstate 95, and accelerated to see what the limo could do. He got to about 90 mph, and suddenly noted the blue lights of the State Patrol in his mirror. He pulled over and the trooper come to his window. The trooper, seeing who it was, says, "Just a moment please, I need to call in." The trooper called in and asked for the watch commander. He tells the him that he's got a REALLY important person pulled over, and asks how to handle it. "It's not Ted Kennedy again, is it?" asked the commander. "No, Sir!" replied the trooper, "This guy's more important." "Is it the Governor?" replied the commander. "No! Ev! en more important!" replied the trooper. "Is it the PRESIDENT???" asked the commander. "No! Even more important!" replied the trooper. Well WHO THE HECK is it?" screamed the commander. "I don't know, sir, " replied the trooper, "but he's got the Pope as his chauffeur."


                 
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                http://salman78.cjb.net
                Chagani@...
                 
                 
                ===================================
                 
                "Knock, And He'll open the door.
                Vanish, And He'll make you shine like the sun.
                Fall, And He'll raise you to the heavens.
                Become nothing, And He'll turn you into everything."
                Rumi
                 
                ===================================
              • Salman Sher Mohammad
                A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had
                Message 7 of 25 , Aug 23, 2001
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                  A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was
                  crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained
                  what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.
                  "Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have
                  been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out."
                  The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.
                  "Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now."


                  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                  §ålmäñ §hèr MøhãmmâÐ
                  http://salman78.cjb.net
                  Chagani@...


                  =========================

                  "Give to the world the best you have,
                  and the best will come back to you"

                  =========================
                • Salman Sher Mohammad
                  An Israeli doctor says: Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man put it in another and have him looking for work in six
                  Message 8 of 25 , Sep 15, 2001
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                    An Israeli doctor says: "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks."

                    A German doctor says: "That's nothing, we can take a lung out of one person put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks."

                    A Russian doctor says: "In my country medicine is so advanced we can take half a heart out of one person put it in another and have them both looking for work in two weeks."

                    The American doctor, not to be outdone, says: "You guys are way behind, we just took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work!"

                     
                     

                    §ålmäñ §hèr MøhãmmâÐ
                    http://salman78.cjb.net
                    Chagani@...
                     
                     
                    ============================
                     
                    Never forget to have fun along the way.
                    Success means nothing without happiness.
                     
                    ============================

                  • Salman Sher Mohammad
                    A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there s a lot of testing and
                    Message 9 of 25 , Jan 8, 2002
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                      A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.

                      After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to 2 men and a woman, but only one position was available.

                      The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair.
                      Take this gun and kill her."

                      The man got a shocked look on his face and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!"

                      "Well," says the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."

                      So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances,"
                      they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."

                      The second man looked a bit shocked, but nonetheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes, then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her, I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."

                      "No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

                      Now they're down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the same door to the same room and hand her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances, this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him."

                      The woman took the gun and opened the door. Once the door closed, the CIA heard the gun start firing. One shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet.

                      The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat him to death with the chair!"


                       
                       

                      §ålmäñ §hèr MøhãmmâÐ
                      http://salman78.cjb.net
                      Chagani@...
                       
                       
                      oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
                       
                      The best and most beautiful things in the world
                                Cannot be seen or even touched,
                                They must be felt with the heart!!!
                       
                      oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
                    • Salman Sher Mohammad
                      A redneck, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a desert island After being there a while, they got
                      Message 10 of 25 , Jan 18, 2002
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                        A redneck, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a desert island After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down.

                        One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the redneck. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the redneck took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

                        A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the redneck had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health.

                        When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.

                        Pretty soon, the redneck started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear...

                        "Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"


                         
                         
                        §ålmäñ §hèr MøhãmmâÐ
                        http://salman78.cjb.net
                        Chagani@...
                         
                         
                        xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
                         
                         Only dead fish go with the flow.
                         
                        xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
                      • Salman Sher Mohammad
                        At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. No woman, said one man, scornfully, can keep a secret. I
                        Message 11 of 25 , May 24, 2003
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                          At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy.

                          "No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret."

                          "I don't know about that," huffily answered a woman guest. "I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one."

                          "You'll let it out some day," the man insisted.

                          "I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever."

                          ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                           
                          §ålmäñ §hèr MøhãmmâÐ
                          Feb14@...
                           
                          ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^
                           
                          Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of travelling.
                           
                          ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^
                        • Salman Sher Mohammad
                          By Mistake A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. They ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the
                          Message 12 of 25 , Jun 4, 2004
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                            By Mistake
                             
                             
                            A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car.

                            "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal,
                            even the accelerator," he cried out.

                            However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang
                            a second time and the same voice came over the line.

                            "Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by
                            mistake.



                            §ålmäñ §hèr MøhãmmâÐ
                            A1@...
                             
                            ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^
                             
                              If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
                             
                                          In Happy moments, praise God.
                                          In Difficult moments, seek God.
                                          In Quiet moments, worship God.
                                          In Painful moments, trust God.
                                          In Every moment, thank God.
                             
                            ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^

                          • Salman Sher Mohammad
                            Two Sardar Jee There were these two friends and both of them had Sardarji drivers. They were having an argument about whose driver is more stupid. so one of
                            Message 13 of 25 , Oct 10, 2004
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                              Two Sardar Jee

                              There were these two friends and both of them had Sardarji drivers. They were having an argument about whose driver is more stupid. so one of the friends called his driver:"Oye Santa Singh"... Santa Singh replied: "Ji praaJi" his boss said: "Get this $10 bill, go to Showroom and buy a Mercedes Benz for me"
                              Santa Singh said: Oh fikar hi na karo ji..mein abhi aaya"
                              The boss said to his friend in a winning tone.." See how stupid he is.. he went to buy a Mercedes for only $10"
                              The other friend said" Still my driver is more stupid" then he called his driver Banta Singh and said" Go home and check if I m there"..
                              BAnta singh said" ji mein abhi aata hoon dekh kar"..
                              His boss said "see my driver is more stupid..he can't even realize tht how can I be at home if i m here"
                              Now Santa and Banta met on their way..
                              Santa: My boss is sooo stupid..he gave me $10 to buy a mercedes.. he does not even know that today is Sunday and all showrooms are closed..
                              Banta: My boss is even more stupid.. He sent me to check if he is home.. he has a cell phone ..he could have called home and check if he is there.. ??



                              §ålmäñ §hèr MøhãmmâÐ
                              A1@...
                               
                              ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^
                               
                                If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
                               
                                            In Happy moments, praise God.
                                            In Difficult moments, seek God.
                                            In Quiet moments, worship God.
                                            In Painful moments, trust God.
                                            In Every moment, thank God.
                               
                              ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^
                            • Salman Sher Mohammad
                              A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 40 miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks
                              Message 14 of 25 , Jul 17 4:13 PM
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                                A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 40 miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel.

                                Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce." The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph.

                                The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it,"he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."

                                Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55.

                                He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says. Up to 60. "I want the car, too," he continues. 65 mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!" The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her, "Isn't there anything you want?" The wife at last replies in a
                                quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need," she says.
                                "Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?" Just before they slam into the wall at 65 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles. "The airbag."

                                Moral of the Story: Women are clever .. Don't mess with them.


                                §ålmäñ §hèr MøhãmmâÐ
                                A1@...
                                 
                                ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^
                                 
                                  If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
                                 
                                              In Happy moments, praise God.
                                              In Difficult moments, seek God.
                                              In Quiet moments, worship God.
                                              In Painful moments, trust God.
                                              In Every moment, thank God.
                                 
                                ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^
                              • Salman Sher Mohammad
                                A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, But nothing happened. Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50. When the postal
                                Message 15 of 25 , Jan 20, 2006
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                                  A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, But nothing happened.

                                  Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.
                                  When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God ,PAKISTAN ,they decided to forward it to the Finance Minister of Pakistan as a joke.

                                  The Finance Minister was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20.
                                   
                                  The Finance Minister thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy, and he did not want to spoil the kid.

                                  The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you note to God, which read:

                                  "Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the Finance Minister in Islamabad , and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 in taxes ..."



                                  §ålmäñ §hèr MøhãmmâÐ
                                  A1@...
                                   
                                  ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^
                                   
                                    If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
                                   
                                                In Happy moments, praise God.
                                                In Difficult moments, seek God.
                                                In Quiet moments, worship God.
                                                In Painful moments, trust God.
                                                In Every moment, thank God.
                                   
                                  ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^
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