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To my mature Friends

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  • Salman Sher Mohammad
    To my mature friends Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel s ear and she said,
    Message 1 of 1 , Apr 4 11:29 AM
      To my mature friends  


      Two  elderly women were eating breakfast in a  restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something  funny about Mabel's ear and she said, ''Mabel,  do you know you've got a suppository in your  left ear?' Mabel answered, 'I have a suppository  in my ear?' She pulled it out and stared at it.  
      Then she said, 'Ethel, I'm glad you saw this  thing. Now I think I know where to find my  hearing aid.'


      When  the husband finally died his wife put the usual  death notice in the paper, but added that he  died of gonorrhea.
      No sooner were the papers  delivered when a friend of the family phoned and  complained bitterly, 'You know very well that he  died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea.' Replied the  widow, 'I nursed him night and day so of course  I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it  would be better for posterity to remember him as  a great lover rather than the big shit he always  was.'

      An  elderly couple were on a cruise and it was  really stormy. They were standing on the back of  the boat watching the
      storm,  when a wave came up and washed the old man  overboard. They searched for days and couldn't  find him, so the captain sent the old woman back  to shore with the promise that he would notify  her as soon as they found something.  
      Three  weeks went by and finally the old woman got a  fax from the boat. It read: 'Ma'am, sorry to  inform you, we found your husband dead at the  bottom of the ocean. We hauled him up to the  deck and attached to his butt was an oyster and  in it was a pearl worth $50,000. Please advise.'  
      The  old woman faxed back: 'Send me the pearl and  re-bait the trap.'

      A  funeral service is being held for a woman who  has just passed away. At the end of the service,  the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when  they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the  casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the  casket and find that the woman is actually  alive! She lives for ten more years, and then  dies.
      Once  again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it,  the pallbearers are again carrying out the  casket. As they carry the casket towards the  door, the husband cries out, 'Watch that  wall!'

      When  I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady  sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I  stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said,  'I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes  love to me every morning and then gets up and  makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and  freshly ground coffee.'
      I said, 'Well, then  why are you crying?' She said, 'He makes me  homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies  and then makes love to me for half the  afternoon.
      I said, 'Well, why are you  crying?' She said, 'For dinner he makes me a  gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert  and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.' I  said, 'Well, why in the world would you be  crying?' She said, 'I can't remember where I  live!'

      Two  elderly ladies had been friends for many  decades. Over the years they had shared all  kinds of activities and adventures. Lately,  their activities had been limited to meeting a  few times a week to play cards.

      One day  they were playing cards when one looked at the  other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me......I  know we've been friends for a long time......but  I just can't think of your name! I've thought  and thought, but I can't remember it. Please  tell me what your name is.'
      Her  friend glared at her. For at least three minutes  she just stared and glared at her. Finally she  said, 'How soon do you need to  know?'


      Grant  me the senility to forget the people I never  liked anyway,
      The good fortune to run into  the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

      Now,  I think you're supposed to send this to 5 or 6,  maybe 10.
      Oh hell, send it to a bunch of  your friends if you can remember who they are.  

      §ålmäñ §hèr MøhãmmâÐ
      If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
                    In Happy moments, praise God.
                    In Difficult moments, seek God.
                    In Quiet moments, worship God.
                    In Painful moments, trust God.
                    In Every moment, thank God.
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