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Journey of Discovery

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  • Adeline Teh
    Sai Ram Everyone! I would like to relate an experience that happened two years ago during Xmas 2004. (It was my first trip to Prashanti!) I arrived there as a
    Message 1 of 1 , Oct 30, 2006
      Sai Ram Everyone!

      I would like to relate an experience that happened two
      years ago during Xmas 2004. (It was my first trip to
      Prashanti!)

      I arrived there as a young member, ignorant but with an
      open mind. On the first day, I sat all the way at the back
      of the hall and could only see a tiny image of Swami. I
      felt no connection to Him at all and I wondered if He knew
      of my existence or that I have come so far to see Him.
      During the next few days, for some reason or another, we
      kept moving forward until I could see Swami's face but
      still, He did not even look my way. There were so many
      doubts in my mind.

      Along came the practices for International Xmas Choir so I
      jumped at the opportunity to sing for Swami. (It had been
      my secret wish to be able to sing to Him in person at
      Prashanti!) Discipline was a top requirement so I
      dutifully attended all practices on time for five whole
      days. The hours were long and we had to rush from one
      place to another every day, sometimes even skipping meals ,
      but I kept to it diligently hoping that the reward would be
      well worth all the effort. It was at these practice
      sessions where I met several wonderful sisters from various
      countries. There was one lady from UK in her early
      thirties and though we were strangers, gave so much love
      and encouragement to me.

      At noon on Xmas eve, I was among the early birds to join
      the queue under the hot sun in order to be in the front
      lines. When we entered the hall, I was exalted that I was
      seated in the 8th row in front of Swami's verandah.
      Suddenly, a sevadal told me to move to the other end of the
      hall because they had decided to cut the rows shorter at
      the last minute. My heart sank as I pleaded with her not
      to send me away as I had worked so hard to get to where I
      was. My English friend then stood up and asked everyone in
      the front to move forward in order to fit me in. I was so
      thankful to her, but the fact remained that there was
      barely a space for me to sit and I WAS out of line.
      Refusing to give up, I bundled myself together and held on
      and kept praying hard to Swami to help me.

      Soon after, the sevadals came again but instead of ordering
      me away, they made another line next to me and placed three
      women there. Half an hour later, it was almost time to
      begin but no one came to fill up the rest of the empty
      space. My legs were beginning to cramp, my back hurt, and
      my mind was in total chaos. The sisters in the other lines
      took pity on me and told me to slide over to the empty
      space. This I did gratefully but I waited in fear of being
      ordered to move again. I have never felt so disheartened
      and so rejected.

      Soon, the air was charged with excitement. Swami was on
      His way! I waited in anticipation as I was so close to
      Him, but again, He went by without even a glance at me. He
      walked slowly up to the verandah, cut the cake and blessed
      everyone, and later when He sat down, I realized that He
      was looking straight at me. He had a very stern look on
      His face and yet, it was so full of love. It was at that
      moment when it dawned on me that He had heard all my
      prayers! He had created that empty space for me at the
      last hour after all the challenges that I went through so
      that I could fulfill my wish to sing to Him! And so I did
      - I sang my heart out to Him and I got a full darshan of
      Him for a whole hour! And I also did the most foolish
      thing - I cried all the way! It was the happiest and most
      rewarding hour of my life!

      On Xmas morning, I sat behind a huge pillar and could
      hardly see Swami but my heart was so close to Him that I
      could still feel Him looking at me. There was an
      Australian lady who was so sick so my English friend and I
      took care of her till the end of the session.

      On Xmas afternoon, I sat even further back but my heart
      was still in very close proximity with Swami. I could feel
      His presence everywhere, even by looking at His pictures!
      Distance no longer became an issue!

      It was a journey that changed my life. I came home, no
      more a novice, no longer ignorant. I have met the nameless
      God whom I have prayed to all my life. This nameless form
      has merged with Swami and from then on, there is only one
      God in my life now. He is real and He is here living
      amongst us, to guide us back to Him. What more should we
      seek for but Him and only Him!!!

      With love,
      Adeline
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