Journey of Discovery
- Sai Ram Everyone!
I would like to relate an experience that happened two
years ago during Xmas 2004. (It was my first trip to
I arrived there as a young member, ignorant but with an
open mind. On the first day, I sat all the way at the back
of the hall and could only see a tiny image of Swami. I
felt no connection to Him at all and I wondered if He knew
of my existence or that I have come so far to see Him.
During the next few days, for some reason or another, we
kept moving forward until I could see Swami's face but
still, He did not even look my way. There were so many
doubts in my mind.
Along came the practices for International Xmas Choir so I
jumped at the opportunity to sing for Swami. (It had been
my secret wish to be able to sing to Him in person at
Prashanti!) Discipline was a top requirement so I
dutifully attended all practices on time for five whole
days. The hours were long and we had to rush from one
place to another every day, sometimes even skipping meals ,
but I kept to it diligently hoping that the reward would be
well worth all the effort. It was at these practice
sessions where I met several wonderful sisters from various
countries. There was one lady from UK in her early
thirties and though we were strangers, gave so much love
and encouragement to me.
At noon on Xmas eve, I was among the early birds to join
the queue under the hot sun in order to be in the front
lines. When we entered the hall, I was exalted that I was
seated in the 8th row in front of Swami's verandah.
Suddenly, a sevadal told me to move to the other end of the
hall because they had decided to cut the rows shorter at
the last minute. My heart sank as I pleaded with her not
to send me away as I had worked so hard to get to where I
was. My English friend then stood up and asked everyone in
the front to move forward in order to fit me in. I was so
thankful to her, but the fact remained that there was
barely a space for me to sit and I WAS out of line.
Refusing to give up, I bundled myself together and held on
and kept praying hard to Swami to help me.
Soon after, the sevadals came again but instead of ordering
me away, they made another line next to me and placed three
women there. Half an hour later, it was almost time to
begin but no one came to fill up the rest of the empty
space. My legs were beginning to cramp, my back hurt, and
my mind was in total chaos. The sisters in the other lines
took pity on me and told me to slide over to the empty
space. This I did gratefully but I waited in fear of being
ordered to move again. I have never felt so disheartened
and so rejected.
Soon, the air was charged with excitement. Swami was on
His way! I waited in anticipation as I was so close to
Him, but again, He went by without even a glance at me. He
walked slowly up to the verandah, cut the cake and blessed
everyone, and later when He sat down, I realized that He
was looking straight at me. He had a very stern look on
His face and yet, it was so full of love. It was at that
moment when it dawned on me that He had heard all my
prayers! He had created that empty space for me at the
last hour after all the challenges that I went through so
that I could fulfill my wish to sing to Him! And so I did
- I sang my heart out to Him and I got a full darshan of
Him for a whole hour! And I also did the most foolish
thing - I cried all the way! It was the happiest and most
rewarding hour of my life!
On Xmas morning, I sat behind a huge pillar and could
hardly see Swami but my heart was so close to Him that I
could still feel Him looking at me. There was an
Australian lady who was so sick so my English friend and I
took care of her till the end of the session.
On Xmas afternoon, I sat even further back but my heart
was still in very close proximity with Swami. I could feel
His presence everywhere, even by looking at His pictures!
Distance no longer became an issue!
It was a journey that changed my life. I came home, no
more a novice, no longer ignorant. I have met the nameless
God whom I have prayed to all my life. This nameless form
has merged with Swami and from then on, there is only one
God in my life now. He is real and He is here living
amongst us, to guide us back to Him. What more should we
seek for but Him and only Him!!!