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Aliens with domestic issues

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  • rowena cherry
    Would I want to see Mr Spock vacuuming up my dustbunnies? No. I don t think the spectacle would be either romantic or funny. Not for me, anyway. I d be most
    Message 1 of 1 , Jul 9, 2006
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      Would I want to see Mr Spock vacuuming up my dustbunnies?
      No.
      I don't think the spectacle would be either romantic or funny. Not
      for me, anyway. I'd be most uncomfortable about the situation.

      I imagine that Mr Spock, if faced with the need to use alien
      household appliances, would locate the appropriate user manual, study
      the instructions, and carry out the domestic operation with great
      efficiency and a deadpan expression.

      Maybe he'd raise a quizzical, Vulcan flying eyebrow. Actually, that
      might be romantic in a traditional Regency romance sort of way.

      Does this beg the question Why? Why would a highly intelligent alien
      take an interest in my housecleaning? Loveslavery springs to mind,
      but if he's doing housework that would reflect badly on my libido and
      sex appeal, wouldn't it? Maybe, the rational alien is on a quest to
      recover some incredibly valuable (it would have to be valuable) and
      tiny object that fell to Earth like a meteorite, and got lodged in my
      neglected carpet.

      I've almost got the makings of a story here!

      Of course, in my home, a highly intelligent and efficient alien might
      have trouble finding instruction manuals. If I were to write a blow-
      by-blow account of the exercise, I think an alien would comment. His
      remarks would probably be very funny to everyone except myself, the
      butt of his cool wit.

      I am sure many authors have written scenes where their aliens have
      issues with human home appliances....

      Dara Joy's splendid early novel, Knight Of A Trillion Stars, comes to
      mind. What was it her alien hunk attacked with his broadsword,
      thinking it was a rival? A TV? An answering machine?

      Is chopping up the furniture the closest that any alien hero has come
      to housework? If not, I'd love recommendations. Generally, I think
      alien heroes tend to be extremely macho. They are world rulers,
      starship commanders, space pirates, intergalactic diplomats or
      trading tycoons.... they have servants, or orderlies, or androids to
      do the domestic dirty work.

      Maybe I just haven't read the right books. No one seems to wash their
      clothes, or scrub toilets in an alien romance. Susan Kearney said
      that her aliens' clothing was self cleaning (smart!!! and with nano-
      technology, this is becoming a reality). Intelligent spaceships have
      aircleaning devices that work a lot better than the monsters we keep
      in our human furnace rooms. I once thought of modeling an alien
      toilet on a whole-house vacuum.

      Then I read a joke about a sexually adventurous man who did himself a
      mischief.

      In FORCED MATE my alien prince does have a little bit of trouble
      drawing a bath, mostly because he takes a macho stand (sitting on its
      edge, waiting for the heroine to take her clothes off and get in)
      without realizing that human baths don't automatically stop filling
      once the water reaches a sensible level.

      He also has trouble with a shopping list. How was he to know that
      one does not buy Marijuana in the feminine toiletries aisle?

      And... he has trouble with the heroine when she discovers that his
      spacecraft toilets perform automatic urinalysis and a few other
      functions and announce the results. Romantic? Maybe not, but it
      appealed to my low sense of humor.

      And then, there's recycling. We all do it, I suppose. My heroine of
      FORCED MATE is grossed out when she learns how spacefarers obtain
      yeast to make deep space bread. But that's getting into cuisine, and
      housekeeping, rather than house cleaning.

      My "thing" is to gaze at the underbelly of an alien character's
      lovelife and poke fun at it. And, you might not have guessed it, but
      of all the sciences in science fiction, Biology is my favorite.

      I'll be gone for the next four weeks. Do you know the ins and outs of
      a crab's sex life? I do. :-)

      Best wishes,
      Rowena
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