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Obituary

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  • rahtymz
    Obituary It s a Happy New Year of a lot of people around the world, but not all of us survived into the new year 2012. The oldest living american, Haebes
    Message 1 of 1 , Jan 3, 2012
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      Obituary
      It's a Happy New Year of a lot of people around the world, but not all of us survived into the new year 2012. The oldest living american, Haebes Corpus, has died; just minutes before the end of the year. How sad. I didn't really know him. I was never interested. He was just some superfluous entity that everyone seemed to admire, but no one really paid any attention to. Now that he's gone, I really miss him. I wish I could have done something to help keep him alive. America will not be the same without him. I didn't know how important he was, and I know that he will be missed by everyone. There can never be anyone to replace him, and this leaves a giant hole in my life that will never be filled.

      My most humble respects at the passing of Haebes Corpus, and my new year's eve resolution is to avenge his death.

      And now the part you've all been waiting for
      The results are in
      Here are the preliminary returns from our street observers
      the status of new years resolutions has been resolved in most cases
      the top ten failures for the new year's broken resolutions are:

      1. No more drinking
      2. No more smoking
      3. No more eating
      4. No more eating cooked food
      5. No more eating animals
      6. No more pills
      7. Go to the gym
      8. Pay all my bills
      9. Stop shaking the baby

      And the winner of the top ten failed new years eve resolutions is
      10. Not go back to jail
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