Jest For Kids 09-06-13
- JEST FOR KIDS 09-06-13Riddles and Puns for the 8 to 14 year oldRIDDLESHow can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?Don't bite any insectsWhat do you get if you cross a shellfish with a crook?A lobster mobsterWhat is the difference between a squeeze and a louse?One is a bear hug, the other a hair bug.What do you get if you cross a horse with Sir Lancelot?A knight-mareIf George Washington were alive today, why couldn't he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac?Because a dollar doesn't go as far as it used to.PUNS & SHORT JOKESStock Market Report: Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.Lots of people make sense. I'd rather make dollars.My tennis opponent was not happy with my serve. He kept returning it.The cemetery is the dead center of our town. It's where the local bodies meet.After the shepherd retired he felt ewes less.PUN SERIESDANGLING PARTICIPLESHunting can also be dangerous, as in the case of pygmies hunting elephants armed only with spearsWe spent most of our time sitting on the back porch watching the cows playing Scrabble and reading.Mrs. Shirley Baxter, who went deer hunting with her husband, is very proud that she was able to shoot a fine buck as well as her husband.The family lawyer will read the will tomorrow at the residence of Mr. Hannon, who died June 19 to accommodate his relatives.The burglar was about 30 years old, white, 5' 10", with wavy hair weighing about 150 pounds.Organ donations from the living reached a record high last year, outnumbering donors who are dead for the first time.GROANERS & LONG JOKESKnock, Knock.Who's there?OlafOlaf who?Olaf my heart in San Francisco.A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store. His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?" "No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."A father knocked on the bathroom door where his teenage daughter was taking a long bath. "How long will you be in that bathtub?" "Oh, daddy! Water affects your weight, not your height. I'm still five foot four."A hydrogen atom is walking down the street with a friend when he suddenly stops. The friend says, "What's wrong?" The hydrogen atom replies, "I lost my electron!" The friend says, "Are you sure?" The hydrogen atom exclaims, "Yes, I'm positive." The friend laments, "Oh, I thought you were just being negative again."As the X-Ray tech walked down the aisle to say the marriage vows with a former patient, a co-worker whispered to a doctor seated next to her, "Wonder what she saw in him?"