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Puns of the Day 05-13-13

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  • Stan Kegel
    I WILL BE ON VACATION BETWEEN MAY 17TH & MAY 26TH AND THERE WILL BE NO ISSUES OF MY POSTS DURING THAT PERIOD. PUNS OF THE DAY 05-13-13 Shock absorbers were
    Message 1 of 1 , May 13 12:10 AM
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      I WILL BE ON VACATION BETWEEN MAY 17TH & MAY 26TH AND THERE WILL BE NO ISSUES OF MY POSTS DURING THAT PERIOD.

      PUNS OF THE DAY 05-13-13

      Shock absorbers were bad; James Bond feared
      For his life when his vehicle veered
      Back and forth, left and right.
      The suspension's not tight.
      Aston Martin was shaken, not steered.
      (Kirk Miller)

      Todd was arrested again and the detective was leafing through his crime history folder. "Hmmm, quite a record." he said. "Shoplifting, hit-and-run, disorderly conduct, armed robbery, sexual assault, sexual assault, forgery, sexual assault, manslaughter." "Yeah, I know," said Todd. "It took me quite a while to figure out what I was good at."

      A politician must like tall buildings because he continually seeks high offices.

      When a young woman driving along the highway attempted to light a cigarette, her sleeve caught fire. She was able to stop the car and get out but in her panic she just stood there, flailing the air. A State Patrol Officer stopped when he saw her and gave her a ticket. "What's this for?" the injured woman cried as she blew out the flames. The policeman explained, "Brandishing a firearm� Because the woman was pregnant, the case became a burning issue. (Bob Stall)

      There are 10 types of people in the world. Those that know binary and those that don't.

      A Texas rancher was driving through Mexico and stopped at the edge of the road to admire the scenery and a white beautiful horse caught his eye. The horse looked healthy well-kept and was in a separate corral. Just for tries the Texan asked one of the workers if the horse was for sale. The worker trying to communicate said �No, no, he no look too good. � The Texan was not satisfied with the answered because he saw that the animal looked great and insisted on buying it, after a few arguments the worker arranged for the sale and the Texan took the horse back to his ranch. He rode the horse through his ranch and galloped to the barn when suddenly the horse ran right into the barn wall. Frustrated the Texan takes the horse back to Mexico and talks to the worker that sold him the horse and explains what happened. The worker said, �I told you he no look too good�

      How many square dancers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Four, but you have to walk them through it a few times.

      Jiggs McDonald, NHL Hall of Fame broadcaster speaking in Orillia, Ontario, said, "I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in Toronto. I think it should be the goal of every Canadian to be tolerant regardless of their religious beliefs. Thus, the mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance. That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque, thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque. We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, "The Turban Cowboy, " and the other a topless bar called "You Mecca Me Hot." Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbecue pork restaurant, called "Iraq o' Ribs." Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret," with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods. Next door to the lingerie shop there would be liquor store called "More Hammered." All of this would encourage Muslims to demonstrate the very same tolerance they demand of us, so their mosque issue would not be a problem for others."

      A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel on his head. He sits down at the bar and orders some dirty rum. The bartender asks, "Why are you wearing a paper towel?" "Arrrr." says the pirate. "I've got a bounty on me head!"



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