Puns of the Day 03-21-13
- PUNS OF THE DAY 03-21-13
Tee shot flew out of bounds and the nerd, he
Didn't say very much, wasn't wordy.
As the ball disappeared
And his golf-mates all jeered,
The man called to the ball, "Bye bye birdie."
Showing his friend around his home, Walt pointed out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage. "The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece we've got just to see how much it's all worth." "Well," his friend replies, "since you couldn't possibly know the day before you were going to die, you'll never be able to sell." "And that's where you're wrong," the man smiled. "If I sell it, my wife would kill me!"
Ashley Judd wants to be a US Senator. She�s a natural because when they say �filibuster,� that�s what she does to her bra. (Bill Williams)
The owners of a store near my home found an old female mannequin without any arms, dressed it in a bikini, wig and sunglasses, and placed it sitting in a chair just outside the door to the shop. A neighbor complained that it was a distraction and traffic hazard, but I asked her, "What's the problem? It's armless." (Robert E. Lewis)
A castle had to have a new ditch dug around it. It was in a really re-moat location. (Robert E. Lewis)
Harry was a bad loser. When he was cleaned out in a poker game for very high stakes, he slapped his hand on the table and got up to leave. As he walked past, he couldn't resist insulting Bill, the bald man who had cleaned him out. As Harry walked past, he ran a hand over Bill's bald head and said sarcastically, "Your head feels just like my wife's ass." Bill put a hand to his head and said, "You're right. It does!"
When they got a divorce, she took her filthy rich husband to the cleaners.
A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer." The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars." The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender."Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that." The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again. "What's going on here?" the man asks. Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar." (Cathy Scarborough)
My Mother-in-Law really takes the cake. She�s a kleptomaniac, who steals from bakeries. (Will The Thrill)
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!' Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'
Man approaching a well-dressed woman at the bar in an upscale hotel: "Hi honey." "Hello." "Want a little company?" "Why? Do you have one to sell?"
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]