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Puns of the Day 02-21-13

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  • Stan Kegel
    PUNS OF THE DAY 02-21-13 A restaurant server named Kate Said, Waiting on tables is great Cause the tips that I earn Are real good. I did learn That good
    Message 1 of 1 , Feb 21, 2013
      PUNS OF THE DAY 02-21-13

      A restaurant server named Kate
      Said, "Waiting on tables is great
      'Cause the tips that I earn
      Are real good. I did learn
      That good things will come to those who wait."
      (Kirk Miller)

      Martin was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he sent his wife her alimony payment each month. When asked the reason for his haste, he shivered and explained: "I'm afraid that if I should ever fall behind in my payments she might decide to repossess me."

      Mom always said, "Think before you speak, so you don't end up with your foot in your mouth." However, I'm thinking these new shoes I made out of bologna will show the flaw in that logic. (Joseph Moore)

      I was working in a furniture store when a customer entered and asked to see the bookcases. I reviewed the different cases for her, describing the available sizes and finishes. As I went along, I mentioned the different names: "The Library Case," "The Standard Case," "The Modern Case," "The Video Case" and "The Lawyer Case." The customer stopped me and asked, "Why do they call it 'The Lawyer Case'?" I replied, "If you look carefully, you will notice how many of them are made just a little crooked."

      Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? He stayed up all night trying to decide if there really was a dog.

      A lady answered her front door to find a plumber standing there. "I'm here to fix the leaky pipe," he announced. "I didn't call a plumber," said the lady. "What?" huffed the plumber. "Aren't you Mrs. Snyder?" The Snyders moved out of this house over a year ago," explained the lady. "How do you like that?" grunted the plumber. "They call you up and tell you it's an emergency and then they move away!"

      Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel. (Gil Ross)

      An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly and made the world community smile. A representative from Israel began: "Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses. When he struck the rock and it brought forth water. He thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath!' He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Palestinian had stolen them." The Palestinian representative jumped up furiously and shouted, "What are you talking about? The Palestinians weren't there then." The Israeli representative smiled and said, "And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech."

      When the head of the consulting team suggested that the canal around the castle be filled up with cement, he was demoted.

      A friend of mine who commutes to work everyday through the Lincoln Tunnel with a bunch of coworkers recently complained about what a pain it was. I told him that he may have 'car pool tunnel syndrome'.

      Monarchy is bad for the common people. When it reigns, it poors. (Rhain Lewis & Pat Tanzola)

      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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