PUNS OF THE DAY 01-29-13
As part of the funeral rite,
Dead Egyptians were wrapped in some white
Linen strips, and were stressed
When they laid them to rest.
Their mummies were bound to be uptight.
Do you remember the famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Pee-Ka-Boo) Well, Picabo is not just an athlete. She is now a nurse currently working at an Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones any longer. It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say, Picabo, I. C. U.
A lion will not betray his wife but a tiger would.
In Communist Russia, it was a crime to write anything against the state. In came to pass during one of Stalin's purges that a group of romantic poets were arrested for crimes against the state and sentenced to a prison on an island on the Gulag Archipelago where they were imprisoned with shackles on their ankles. They soon discovered that the only other occupant of the island besides their guards was a beautiful young woman. In their efforts to escape to reach her the poets began to thrash one another, thereby demonstrating that bards of a fetter flog to get her.
Sign outside a photography studio: Don't shoot your family. Let us shoot your family. We'll also frame and hang them. (Maurizio Mariotti)
Back in 1999, Anaheim Mighty Duck super star, Teemu Selanne, had never had his father see him play professional hockey. He was thrilled to have his father visit him recently to watch him play. In honor of the occasion, his good friend, goalie Mikkail Shalenkov, arranged a special banquet at the renowned local Scandinavian restaurant, Gustav Anders, where noted chef, Anders Strandberg, prepared a gourmet dinner of the Selanne's favorite Finnish dishes. In addition to the entire Mighty Ducts team and staff, Disney and Orange County dignitaries attended with the entire tab being picked up by the Duck goalie. It was a huge success. The Orange County Register reported the next day that it was certainly a dinner worthy of the father, the son and the goalie host. (Stan Kegel)
Our cat ate a duck. She had that down in the mouth look.
My parents recently returned from an extended vacation with their new cell phone. Although they are on a nationwide plan, they did make a brief foray into Canada and so they were hit with some surprise "roaming charges." Even though they've been back for awhile, these charges didn't appear on their statement for several months. I had to explain to them that such things take time to work through the system. Specifically, I told them, "Roamin' wasn't billed in a day."
I told a woman who had found the steak she just bought smelled bad, that they would not refund her money since she had a legitimate beef. (David F. Thomas, MD)
The entrepreneur was attempting to sell business supplies in Scotland. He had no difficulty with finding out what kinds of pencils they bought, paper, envelopes, etc., but with pens he couldn't decide whether the expensive or inexpensive ones sold best. So he hired a market researcher. After he had made a study, he held up one of them and said, "The Scotch take this pen, sir."
She wanted the large estate quite badly but, she dared not mansion it to her frugal husband. (Mike Bull)
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