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Puns of the Day: 8/1/01

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  • Stan Kegel
    Puns of the Day: 8/1/01 PUNY Riddle Chain: When native American honeybees move into a new hive (or teepee) they sometimes throw a big party to celebrate. What
    Message 1 of 1 , Aug 1, 2001
      Puns of the Day: 8/1/01

      PUNY Riddle Chain: When native American honeybees move into a new hive
      (or teepee) they sometimes throw a big party to celebrate. What is it
      called? A Hows Swarming? (Gary Hallock)

      When Pepe Le Pew formed a rock band to impress the girls he called it?
      (Answer Tomorrow)

      Germans moved way south
      To escape frigid winter,
      Became Benin Jerrys
      (Owen Lorion)

      Last November had lots of poor readers,
      When choosing our top superseders.
      Stupid voters I cajole;
      Couldn't even hunch a pole.
      This is no way to lick our peaders.
      (Kirk Miller)

      The dairy farmer skimmed his herd and then condensed it. (Pun of the Day)

      In a Scandinavian race, the last Lapp crossed the Finnish line (Pun of
      the Day).

      The pharaohs of Egypt worked out the first pyramid scheme. (Pun of the Day)

      He hoped the movie would turn into a real sleeper. (Jumble)

      Why did the London theaters close between 1592 and 1594? Because of the
      Dark Ages. There was no light to be able to watch the play at night.
      (Richard Lederer)

      What type of vehicle should you drive if you wish to have some influence
      over the amount of precipitation that falls? An Alter Rain Vehicle
      (Gary Hallock)

      My girl has a low-cut atomic bomb dress. 30% fallout. (Henny Youngman)

      Why were the Platters the sheep's favorite singing group? Because one of
      their great hits was "Only Ewe."(Cynthia MacGregor)

      Steffi Graf is five months pregnant. This is the first time Andre
      Agassi’s been pleased with a seeding. (Bill Scheft)

      Killing me softly with insults, (Killing me softly with his song), The
      Fugees, “Killing me Softly With His Song” (Gavin Edwards)

      Knock, Knock.
      Who's there?
      Annie who?
      Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
      (Paul Dickson)

      Knock, knock
      Who's there?
      Sweden who?
      Sweden the lemonade, it's bitter.
      (Leonard Fechtner)

      The last-minute replacement for the sick magician really did the trick.
      (Shawn Kennedy)

      Most American cheeses are made from cow’s milk. Greek cheese, of course,
      is processed goat milk. But only the New Zealanders have perfected
      making cheese from sheep milk. Yes, in New Zealand, farms are put to
      good ewes (Stan Kegel)

      Bill Clinton ought to be able to serve another term. I think 10-to-20
      would be appropriate. (Bree Schultz)

      If you think it's easy to be a politician, try to straddle a fence and
      keep both ears to the ground at the same time. (Douglas Helsel)

      If you put your nose to the grindstone, you'll get a flat face. (Funny Mail)

      Never trust a man who talks with his mouth full as he is speaking ingest.

      The kennels went to the dogs. (Syman Hirsch)

      Sea captains don't like crew cuts. (Bill Rayburn)

      An electrician finally arrived at his house at 2 a.m. His wife was
      waiting and said "Wire you insulate?" The reply was "Watts it to you,
      I’m ohm ain’t I?" (Don Wagner)

      Pity the two red corpuscles. They loved in vein. (Quickies)

      A good farmer is nothing more or less than a handy man with a sense of
      humus. (Elwyn Brooks White)

      Every family tree has some sap in it. (Leigh Ann Smith)

      A former Hooters waitress has sued the restaurant where she worked,
      saying she was promised a new Toyota for winning a beer sales contest.
      Instead, she said, she won a new toy Yoda, the little green guy from the
      “Star Wars'' movies. (Harry Farkas)

      When geese fly upside down, they quack up. (The Pundit)

      Is a lunch of beef and 24 bottles of rice wine a case of cow and sake
      let the good times roll. (K. C.)

      The small town sherrif called his jail "Amoeba" because is had only one
      cell. (Gill Krebs)

      Rifle club members always stick to their guns.(Anthony Cacchillo)

      When Yellowstone National Park decide to celebrate the anniversary of
      having established a buffalo game reserve in 1800, they decided to call
      it their: Bison-tennial. (Bill Rayborn)

      What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig? A teddy boar!
      (Phillip Thompson)

      And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash
      against us. (Terry Galan)

      What you don't owe won't hurt you. (Louis A. Safian)

      "Waiter!" "Yes, sir, what can I do for you?" "Waiter, I can't eat this
      stuff, call the manager!" "It's no use. He won't eat it, either." (Paul Dickson)

      Teenaged girls use make-up to feel older sooner. Their mothers use
      make-up to feel younger longer. (Renee from Napa)

      "Well, old man, did you get through the recent recession all right?"
      "Oh, so-so." "Still occupying that penthouse?" "Yes, I've managed
      somehow to keep a roof under my feet." (Lee Daniel Quinn)

      The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them
      is a match. (Merlyn Baby)

      History proves that war is better at abolishing nations than nations are
      at abolishing war. (Anom.)

      Because females sometimes tend to dress more scantily than men, they
      should be called the nuder gender. (Pun American News)

      A man is in a restaurant. He tastes his food and calls over the waiter,
      saying, "This sauerkraut isn't sour enough." The waiter says, "That's
      not sauerkraut, it's noodles." "Oh. For noodles, it's sour enough."
      (Beckie Shiles)

      Librarian: Paige Turner (J. A. Mc.)

      Art teacher: Clay Potts (Belinda M. Paschal)

      Parking Attendant: Rick O'Shea (Bree Schultz)

      Name the movie in which two old people eke out their Social Security by
      hocking their personal assets: "On Gold in Pawn" (Dennis Hammis)

      Kangaroo: Spiritual advisor for metal food containers (Anne Shank and
      Stan Kegel)

      Undertaker: The last guy to let you down (Stan Moger)

      Attorney: Ligament damage (Trevor Mytton)

      Beckon: Meat from a pig. (Keith Nance)

      Woodstock: Base for cedar or spruce soup (Cybyl)

      Paranoid: An irritated couple (Brandy Brandon)

      Jail Cell: a bar room (Michael Dricoll)

      Army food: The spoils of war (Lexicon).

      "I must get back to the store," she said, minding her own business.
      (Mike Weber and Caroline Bryan)

      "I just can't seem to make a higher rank," soldier Tom told his friend
      privately. (Pun American News)
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