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Puns of the Day: 6/1/01

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  • Stan Kegel
    Puns of the Day: 6/1/01 PUNY Riddle Chain: What famous confection was originally invented by cannibals who put a candy coating on their victims toes? Tootsie
    Message 1 of 1 , Jun 1, 2001
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      Puns of the Day: 6/1/01

      PUNY Riddle Chain: What famous confection was originally invented by
      cannibals who put a candy coating on their victims' toes? Tootsie Pops.
      (Clynch Varnadore)

      Remember the story of the little Dutch boy who was walking along the
      dyke when he saw a small hole through which water was escaping. He cut
      his finger through the hole until workers arrived to repair the dyke.
      That evening a party was held to celebrate his saving the city and he
      was asked to make a speech. He refused. What excuse did he give? (Answer Monday)

      There once lived a tyrtle named Myrtle
      Who wore a reptilian gyrtle.
      When it grew tight one day
      She found in dismay
      That Myrtle, the tyrtle, was fyrtle!
      (Milt Cunningham)

      On the fishing boat
      That is our life. Do you feel,
      That you're only chum?
      (Ken Pinkham)

      Police can do a search if it's Warranted. (Pun of the Day)

      A dozen swimmers started a race at the stroke of twelve. (Pun of the Day)

      Swimmers have to be careful not to get into deep trouble (Pun of the Day).

      Often heard in a dressing room are size sighs. (Jumble)

      Then: A conjunction. I like Sunny better then Money." (Richard Lederer)

      Will Smith plays an animal rights activist who arranges a boycott of
      Sizzler in "Enemy of the Steak." (Gary Hallock)

      Speaking of trade relations, almost everyone would like to. (Henny Youngman)

      With Congress, every time they make a joke, its a law, and every time
      they make a law its a joke. (Will Rogers)

      The Nuclear Regulatory Agency. All our former employees give us glowing
      recommendations, (Gene Weingarten)

      The fifty-first state will be called San Andrea because when southern
      California separates from the rest of the mainland it will be San
      Andrea's fault. (Stan Kegel)

      An undertaker always puts a customer in his place. (Aiken Drum)

      Some people are wise, some are otherwise (Renee from Napa)

      Show me a purchasing agent in a cannibal tribe and I'll show you the
      head buyer. (Gilbert Krebs)

      They're a perfect match. She's a real estate broker and he has lots to
      offer. (Syman Hirsch)

      If the formula for water is H2O, is the formula for an ice cube H2O
      squared? (Lily Tomlin)

      When bread was first made commercially, everyone fell in loaf with it
      (Art. Moger)

      She was so Blonde that she called home from work, set down the receiver,
      then sped home to see if Call Waiting really worked. (Miller Tyme)

      A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. (Gag-O-Matic)

      When she told me I was average, I figured she was just being mean.
      (Clean Laffs)

      A new recruit from Kansas was sent to Honolulu and was enraptured by the
      supple hula dancers he encountered there. He wrote to his father, "I've
      got to tell you, Dad, that those girls sure know how to shake hay while
      the son pines!" (Beckie Shiles)

      One night a father was helping his son with his homework. The father
      asked "What is the Gross National Product?" His son pondered for a
      minute and replied, "Spinach?" (Daily Detour)

      Smoke dynamite, and really blow your mind. (Aplarist)

      Starfleet HQ: “Remember, when you land on that planet and meet their
      leader, don't laugh because he's only 12 inches tall.” Captain Picard:
      “How do you know the leader's height?” Starfleet HQ: “We've been
      informed that he's a ruler.” (Gill Krebs)

      PG & E Announcement: In an effort to help out in the current energy
      crisis, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off until
      further notice. (Gag-O-Matic)

      Fred and Harry took their lunches to the local cafe to eat. "Hey!"
      shouted the proprietor. "You can't eat your own food in here!" "Okay,"
      said Fred. So he and Harry swapped their sandwiches. (Marzee)

      Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid. (Irene A. Mystery)

      Las Vegas is a great place to get tanned and faded at the same time.
      (Wild Bill Young)

      Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint
      from navel before applying the match. (Doug Aiken)

      Re-casts: "The Corn is Green" with Lee J. Cobb (James Limbacher)

      Synonym girl (Cinnamon girl) Neil Young "Cinnamon Girl" (Gavin Edwards)

      Hospital: Where you might wind up if you get run down (Michael Driscoll)

      Biology: Study of shopping habits (Ubaldo)

      Combatant: Fighting ant. (Tim Bruening)

      Hairdresser's: A place where some women go to dye. (Geoff Tibballs)

      Zealots: Vhat zee German real eztate dealerz try to do. (Robert E. Lewis)

      Keepsake: Store Japanese wine (Stan Kegel)

      "Want to play cards?" Tom asked wistfully. (M. Warshaw)

      "I've spotted more blackbirds than you have," Tom crowed. (Richard Lederer)

      "His Honor is crazy!" Admitted Tom judgementally. (Henry Brender)
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