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Puns of the Day: 5/1/01

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  • Stan Kegel
    Puns of the Day: 5/1/01 PUNY Riddle Chain: When challenged by the company auditors about some unexplained expenses, the young executive blandly explained that
    Message 1 of 1 , May 1, 2001
      Puns of the Day: 5/1/01

      PUNY Riddle Chain: When challenged by the company auditors about some
      unexplained expenses, the young executive blandly explained that he had
      only wanted to take some time off to spend with his family at a lakeside
      resort. You might say that was clearly what? Just a vacation for the
      expenses (Lars Hanson)

      What do dieting epileptics order for lunch? (Answer Tomorrow)

      M. Gandhi's the star of our rhyme.
      He grew vegetables in his prime.
      Once, asked, "Whatcha doing?"
      The answer ensuing:
      "I'm searching for peas in our thyme."
      (Cynthia MacGregor)

      A hermit drove to town and was charged with recluse driving. (Pun of
      the Day)

      Paying for a gourmet dinner can be hard to swallow. (Jumble)

      It's about 90% strength and 40% technique. -- Johnny Walker, world
      middle-weight wrist-wrestling champion, on what it takes to be great
      (Richard Lederer)

      Before she got the gig on Wheel of Fortune, Vanna White tried to get a
      similar job at the Scrabble factory. They don't have much turnover so
      they wooden letter even apply. (Gary Hallock)

      Composer who was frequently asked about his cigarette habit:
      Rimsky-'Course I Cough (Cynthia MacGregor)

      The ideal way to serve leftovers is to someone else. (Henny Youngman)

      Customer: "Can I have a book by Shakespeare?" Clerk: "Of course, sir.
      Which one?" Customer: “William." (Terry Galan)

      Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
      stewardess looks at them and says, "Sorry, only one carrion allowed per
      passenger." (Paul Benoit)

      A girl named Heather once knocked over her canary cage, freeing the
      annoyed birds that started pecking at her. Her mother then had to get
      the birds off of Heather, flocked to get her. James D. Ertner)

      Did you hear about the Billiard ball manufacturer that was snookered
      that It's creditors had to form a cue (Dave Coble)

      I decided to call my dog "Cigarette" because every evening I would take
      him out for a drag. (Paul Croft)

      He knows not the value of flowers who never botany? (Geneva Friedman)

      I knew of a bar owner who refused to serve Marines. He was rotten to the
      corps. (Asa Sparks)

      I’ve been to a debutante ball where all the girls were wearing low-cut
      gowns. Its clear why they are called coming out parties. (Martin Fenton)

      The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. (LOL)

      The road to success is marked with many tempting parking spaces. (Very Punny)

      Stop me if you’ve heard this story of my horse. It is a tale of whoa!
      (Anita Gard)

      When she said I could kiss her on the ground, I knew I was on a shore
      thing (Alan F. K. Lewis)

      Hug your kids at home and belt them in the car. (Geoff Tibballs)

      Savvy fruit growers will definately live to a ripe old age. (Shawn Kennedy)

      IBiodegradables just don't make degrade. (Time Magazine)

      Walking on water is no easy feet. (Anthony Cacchillo)

      Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd
      be married too. (H. L. Mencken)

      If you're "not yourself today", enjoy it while ya can. (Aiken Drum)

      Chocolate is the answer. Who cares what the question is! (Phillip Adler)

      In the beginning there was nothing. And the Lord said "Let There Be
      Light!" And still there was nothing, but at least now you could see it! (Dogbyte)

      We've got to separate the weed from the shaft. (Cathleen Shoemaker)

      A head is the only thing a woman can keep under her hat. (Leonard
      Fechtner)

      When you have nothing to say, say nothing. (Charles Calob Colton)

      At my last party, he went up to one girl and said, "Gentlemen prefer
      blondes." She said, "I'm not really a blonde." He said, "Good. I'm not
      really a gentleman." (Beckie Shiles)

      f you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin'
      somebody else's dog around. (Lorraine Bellis)

      A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray
      and the blinking red light. (Witchy Woman)

      Spanish bowl of eyes (Spanish lullaby) Madonna “La Isla Bonita” (Gavin Edwards)

      Bronchitis: Fear of the Broncos winning the Super Bowl again (Asa Sparks)

      Swish: A guy with delusions of gender (Robert Meyers)

      Raiment : What Mr. Charles intended to say. (J. A. Mc.)

      Toucan: Two-Seater Outhouse (Ray Hand)

      Antidote: The medicine that kills dotes.(Leo Roston)

      Organ recital: A group of women discussing their operations (Stan Kegel)

      "My former wife is cute," said Tom expertly. (Archives) .

      "1 plan to work in a cemetery," Tom plotted gravely.(Richard Lederer).

      "We will change the genders of the indigenous population," he said
      alternatively. (Lew Stewart)
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