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Puns of the Day: 4/2/01

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  • Stan Kegel
    Puns of the Day: 4/2/01 Congratulations to Gary Romo, The International Save The Pun Foundation 2001 Punster of the Year. PUNY Riddle Chain: Why did Dorothy
    Message 1 of 1 , Apr 2, 2001
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      Puns of the Day: 4/2/01

      Congratulations to Gary Romo, The International Save The Pun Foundation
      2001 Punster of the Year.

      PUNY Riddle Chain: Why did Dorothy Gale's tin friend from OZ prosper so
      well when he went into business wholesaling sweet citrus drinks to his
      relatives via the internet? He was able to e-lemonade the metal man
      (Gary Hallock)

      What is a body builder's favorite sound? (Answer Tomorrow)

      Does Cajun cooking
      Have roots in Latin country?
      It might be per Roux
      (Guy Ben Moshe)

      Israeli in space
      Now that is really a true
      Rocket zionist
      (Gary Reeves)

      When the TV repairman got married, the reception was excellent. (Pun of
      the Day)

      The pharaohs of Egypt worked out the first pyramid scheme (Pun of the Day).

      Show me someone in denial and I'll show you a person in Egypt up to
      their ankles. (Pun of the Day)

      Talking to her about computer hardware, I make my mother board. (Pun of
      the Day)

      If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory. (Pun
      of the Day)

      How the golfer drove down the fairway: In a cart (Jumble)

      A tailor’s business is usually only sew sew. (Jumble)

      The cell phone user calleh the higwway toll a roaming charge. (Jumble)

      Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? They won't stop
      to ask directions. (Daily Groaner)

      Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops. (Richard Lederer)

      "Let he who is without sin, throw out the first ball," - Jesus (Gary Hallock)

      Then I ordered dinner for a party of 18 and could she eat. (Henny

      The workers at the Federal Mint went on strike today. They are demanding
      to make less money! (Dogbyte)

      “Dear Miss Know-It-All, How many degrees does a person have to have to
      write a column like yours?” “Ninety-eight point six.” (Johnny Hart)

      This power crisis is something. Who thought the 21st Century would be
      the Dark Ages. (Jay Leno)

      British actress and model Elizabeth Hurley is about to sign a 4.2
      million dollar deal with a Scottish lingerie company. This will make
      her the world's highest-paid lingerie model--not counting, of course,
      Marv Albert. (Steve Voldseth)

      When I was young and adventurous I wanted to join a violent, armed group
      with no regard for the law, but the IRS wasn't hiring. (Lee Daniel Quinn)

      In today's economy, we're all looking for a profit to lead us out of the
      wilderness. (Jenni Saqua)

      Your chesterfield less cold if you wear thermal underwear. (Cynthia MacGregor)

      We were playing baseball. A fly ball hit a flock of ducks in mid-air,
      killed one, and injured two others. The umpire promptly ruled that the
      hit was a fowl ball. (Archives)

      A gossip is a person who has a good sense of rumor (Leopold Fechtner)

      Coffee of the Day: Brewhaha, It’s coffee mixed with nitrous oxide.
      (Charles Simon)

      Show me a famous composer's liquor cabinet and I'll show you Beethoven's
      Fifth. (Archives)

      What happened when the computer fell on the floor? It slipped a disk. (MeMail)

      A man was out walking a dog, and a woman stopped to admire the animal.
      "What's your dog's name?" she asked. "Herpes," replied the dog's owner.
      "How odd," said the woman. "Why Herpes?" "Because he won't heel."
      (William Brubent)

      I took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler, calling people for
      their views on various issues. On my very first call, I introduced
      myself, "Hello, this is a telephone poll." The man replied, "Yeah, and
      this is a street light!" (Clean Cut Jokes)

      "How long will the next bus be, Officer?" "About eight yards, Ma'am."
      (Beckie Shiles)

      On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong
      nursery. There I was, surrounded by trees and bushes. (Doug Aiken)

      8 out of 10 people suffer from hemorrhoids. The other 2 enjoy them, and
      the first 8 complain of a pain they just can't put their finger on.
      (Terry Galan).

      It seems like ever since you got caller i.d., you're never at home.
      (Steve Martin)

      I've written a lot under my pen name, Ballpoint. (George Carlin)

      If I can be of any help, you're in worse trouble than I thought. (Gr8Humor)

      The little neighbor boy resisted having his mother putting him into a
      three-piece Easter suit that was way too small. Well, the pants and
      coat fit OK, but when she made him try on his vest tight, he became a
      little cross dresser. (Jim E. Hicks)

      The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time. (Bertrand Russell)

      Emerging from the chiropractor's treatment room, a young man said aloud
      in the crowded waiting room, "I feel like a new man!" "I do, too," a
      middle-aged woman responded, "but I'll probably go home with the same
      old one."(Bob Levi)

      I took my boat, "Pepper", out for a sail. When I returned to port, I
      rammed the pier and it ripped the side of the vessel. It was a sad day
      when the dock tore "Pepper". (Keith Martin)

      “I see you are pregnant. Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?”
      “Certainly.” (Leo Roston)

      When I finished school, I took one of those career aptitude tests, and
      based on my verbal ability score, they suggested I become a mime. (Tim Cavanagh)

      A dollar saved is a quarter earned. (Oscar Levant)

      Today’s Sermon: To Err Is Humon (Dakk Kou)

      Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. (Texas Bix

      Dancing in the chicken shack, (Dancing with the chick in slacks,) Sam
      Cooke, “Twistin’ th Night Away” (Garth Edwards)

      Sign In Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..." (Doug Aiken)

      ”Miracle Drugs” by Penny Sillinn (Neil Enns)

      “Supply Side Economics” by Les Ismoor (Archives)

      Graveyard Shift: What takes place when an earthquake hits a cemetery
      (Johnny Hart)

      Faking: Wray and Kong (Don Kirkland)

      Ticker Tape: An E. K. G. tracing (Stan Kegel)

      Occult; A young horse. (Keith Nance)

      Philistine: What a German bartender does. (Robert E. Lewis)

      Security Breaches: Pants worn by Pinkerton agents
      Security Briefs: Worn under security breaches (Guy Ben Moshe)

      Dude: Naked person wid a code id his dose. (Keith Martin)

      Coroner: A Profession For Which You Have To Take A Stiff Exam. (Archives)

      "We need a 10-gauge needle", Tom hypothesized. (Gil Krebs)

      "I can no longer see anything," said Tom delightedly. (Archives)

      “May I please leave the room?” Little Johnny asked his teacher
      high-handedly (Sidney Soanes)
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