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Puns of the Day 02-01-08

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  • Stan Kegel
    PUNS OF THE DAY 02-01-08 PUNS The company my girlfriend founded is getting hammered in the PC marketplace. She s got the skills, dedication and stamina, but
    Message 1 of 1 , Feb 1, 2008
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      PUNS OF THE DAY 02-01-08


      The company my girlfriend founded is getting hammered in the PC
      marketplace. She's got the skills, dedication and stamina, but
      nonetheless Anna Logg Computer Systems will soon be history. (Rick
      Kreher from Ruminations)

      Every time Harvey tries to create a new picture he draws a blank
      (Myke Ashley-Cooper)

      A nosey neighbour remonstrated with the woman in the adjoining
      apartment. "Mrs. Smith, do you think it is right that a seventeen-
      year-old boy spends three hours every night in your apartment?" Mrs.
      Smith replied, "It's a platonic friendship. It's play for him and a
      tonic for me."

      If you're looking for oranges on an apple tree you will have a
      fruitless search.

      I was traveling through Georgia last summer and stopped at a little
      backwoods country store. In the men's room there was a handwritten
      sign above the malfunctioning potty which said, "Please Wiggel
      Handel". Below that some wit had written, "If I do, will it wiggel


      Clark, Lois, and Jimmy were striding down the streets of Metropolis
      one sunny afternoon. As they passed a construction site, Lois noticed
      a worker carrying a load of bricks up the ladder on his shoulder. She
      stopped dead, looked hard at him; then turned to the others and said,
      ” Someone should write a song: 'Bricking Up is Hod to Do'." Jimmy
      Olsen stopped dead in his tracks, slapped his thigh, and let loose a
      series of guffaws that reverberated across the street. He suddenly
      paused mid-laugh and looked at Clark, who stood there, stoic as ever.
      "Gee, Mr. Kent that was a real laugh. Don't you get it?" "Sorry,
      Jimmy," replied Clark Kent. "I ignore those. Remember that puns are
      the Lois form of humor."

      As the presidential election enters the days of famous-family-member-
      endorsements, one candidate chose to go one better. Ron Paul,
      recognizing that his slim chance to capture the Republican nomination
      was shrinking, decided that he would announce his choice of a high-
      profile running mate. A perfect complement to his ticket? - Perhaps a
      minority, a well-known figure, and even better - an athlete. Paul's
      decision? Wilt Chamberlain. As Wilt was unavailable for the VP spot,
      Mr. Paul acquiesced to taking as his running mate Wilt's nephew. So
      it was that Mr. Paul's campaign was reinvigorated just in time for
      Super Tuesday. His bumper stickers can now be seen - "Ron Paul -
      Stilt's kin." (William Stavinoha)

      A rabbi, a minister, and a priest were playing poker when the police
      raided the game. Turning to the priest, the lead police officer said,
      "Father Murphy, were you gambling?" Turning his eyes to heaven, the
      priest whispered, "Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do." To
      the police officer, he then said, "No, officer; I was not gambling."
      The officer then asked the minister, "Pastor Johnson, were you
      gambling?" Again, after an appeal to heaven, the minister replied,
      "No, officer; I was not gambling." Turning to the rabbi, the officer
      again asked, "Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?" Shrugging his
      shoulders, the rabbi replied, "With whom?"


      Apartment Building: A place where the landlord and the tenant are
      both trying to raise the rent (Joey Adams)

      "I should keep better track of expenses," reckoned Tom unaccountably.
      (W. O. Ontner)

      "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!"
      "Well, do you blame him?"

      Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men.

      Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.
      (Bertrand Russell)
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