Puns of the Day: 6-1-00
PUNY Riddle Chain: Why would your girlfriend get mad if you put your
condom on backwards?
Because you'd rubber the wrong way. (By Gary Hallock)
My daughter was sniveling about wanting to go out and I told her she
couldn't. She used two words which mean, "How come?" I responded with
two words which mean, "Stop sniveling." Oddly, the two words she used
and the two I used sounded almost exactly alike. What were they? (Answer
Acquaintances in other areas
Have been known to call me Gregarious
They say, "Are ubiquitous?
Why do you stick wit us?
Wherever we go, it seems Gary is'
What's the difference between chilly lasses and blonde ringlets? Chilly
lasses are cold girls while blonde ringlets are gold curls. (By Richard
What's the difference between a fisherman and a lazy schoolboy? (Answer
"Am I a fish or an egg?" asks the salmon's progeny. Answers its mother,
"Roe, roe, roe, you're both." (The International Save the Pun Foundation)
Those who polish cars so that they shine work in a buffer zone. (Pun of
I am plagued by a problem when I'm on the slopes. I enjoy the upper
trails across the crest of the mountain but when I RIM SKI A COURSE, I
COUGH. (Gary Hallock)
Anything they say about Taurus is a lot of bull. (Cynthia MacGregor)
My Ozarkan uncle had a pet aardvark which he taught to eat fire ants. It
became famous over the years in the county and when he'd be out walking
it, folks would stop and ask, "Is that your fine ole antser? (By Karen Hamilton)
The Miss Hawaii contest is judged on beauty, grace, and poi's. (Win Ben
Animal activist Bo Derek was horrified to learn that the queen of
England wears antique sable coats. When she confronted the queen at a
recent London affair, Elizabeth responded haughtily: "Some wear old fur
to reign, Bo." (By Chris Doyle)
Back in the dark ages, Nero instituted a new game. They would take those
little disks you set your glass on in order to protect the furniture,
and see who could get the most distance rolling them across the floor.
They were the first roller coasters. (By Dano)
They would bet who could roll the farthest with circular iron discs,
They called them ferrous wheels. (By Stan Kegel)
When Margery and Christina visited their dying father, what did he say
to them? Don't cry for me Marge & Tina (Ken Pinkham)
if you mixed some herbs in with soap power, it would immediately vanish.
After All, thyme and Tide wait for no man. (Steve Jacobson)
You can lead a horse to water, but, a pencil must be lead. (Aiken Drun)
The municipal elections in the Welsh town of Earl Grey were in full
swing. The polls seemed to be leaning towards the incumbent mayor.
"She's been in office since 1972 but the Earl Grey mayor she ain't what
she used to be." (Norman Gilbert)
A woman is never too old to yearn. (Addison Meizer)
Marcel Marceau believes in mime over matter. (PUNAmerican Newsletter)
Sweets are the destiny that shapes our ends (Myrrdins).
Damp weather is very hard on the sciences. (Lee Daniel Quinn)
Why is a goose a tickle but a gander only a look? ((M. Rose Pierce)
A bum on a street corner in New York stops a Jewish woman walking down
the street, hold out his hand and says, "Lady, I haven't eaten for 3
She responds, "Try. Force yourself." (Archives)
"Do you have any books on electricity?" "Watt we have is not current,
but might shed some light on the subject. Wire you asking?" (Ken Elrod)
My uncle has bought a lace-making business and he wants to hire me to
make lace. Do you think I should take the job even if the salary isn't
good? The salary may not be good, but think of the fringe benefits.
How do you know when you pass an elephant? You can't close the toilet
seat. (Mark R. Frank)
"The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks." "And did
he?" "Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill." (Tom Hoese)
A political pollster knocked on the door and a sour-faced lady
answered."What party does your husband belong to?" he asked. The lady
responded curtly, "I sir, am the party he belongs to." (Giggles N Grins)
Lorraina Bobbitt's sister was arrested last night for attempting to
cause the same damage to her husband, except she missed and hit his leg.
She has been charged with a "misdeweiner".(Sally Rostoff)
Another oxymoron: Internet Security. (Ed Hexter)
Rubber trees: Stretch plants (Edward Parkhurst)
Hawaii: The place where men make passes at girls who wear grasses (John
Mother Tongue: Ones native language, so-called because father seldom
got a chance to use it. (Evan Esar)
Flashback: A man with his raincoat on backwards. (Bad Puns)
Meteorologist: An expert in shooting stars (Alex K)
Old: When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and
you're barefoot. (Red Buttons)
"The roof is falling in," Tom rejoiced. (Lacey Smith)
"Here's a donation for food packages," said Tom CAREfully. (John Warren Hines)
Full mooning can be very revealing," said Tom embarrassed. (Stan Kegel)
Ethics for Dummies by Phil OSophey (Moufid Jibreen)