JEST FOR KIDS 04-02-07
Riddles and Puns for the 8 to 14 year old
When is a car full of water?
When it’s a carpool.
Why was the broom late for school?
Because it overswept!
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
"Where's my popcorn?" (Betty Debnam)
Removing an appendix is called an appendectomy, removing tonsils is
called a tonsillectomy. What is it called when they remove a growth
from your head?
Why didn't the dog speak to its foot?
Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw.
A museum is a thing of the past.
As I stood in line screaming in terror while the cashier handed me
two quarters, one dime and a nickel, I was hit with a sad
realization: I was afraid of change. (Paul B. from Ruminations)
Have you ever notice how groups of lions tend to move on just before
autumn? Of course; pride goeth before the fall.
Every 200 years buffaloes celebrate the bison-tennial. (Betty Debnam)
New to this country, Uncle Schlomo decides to go to school. On the
first day, the teacher asks him if he could use the word pencil in a
sentence. Uncle Schlomo says "Sure, if I take of my belt, my pencil
The tall building was saved from demolition because it had a storied
past. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
Eating junk food during play periods is becoming a major problem in
elementary schools. Educators looking into the problem have
discovered that one snack is consumed much more frequently than its
nearest rival. What snack would that be? Recess pieces (Stan Kegel)
A magician accidentally turned his wife into a couch and his two kids
into armchairs. He started to panic and thought to himself, "What on
earth have I done?" He began to ponder, "How am I going to bring back
my beloved family? I don't know any magic to turn them back into
people! So, he thought for a while and decided a good idea was to
take them to a hospital and see if the surgeon could operate and
bring them back. He loaded them into his van and off he rushed to the
local hospital. He walked up and down the hospital hall and after
some serious surgery, he asks the doctor, "Doc, how are they?" The
doctor replied, "Comfortable!"
On one occasion William Howard Taft, in his work as an attorney, took
a train to Somerville, about 40 miles north of his home in
Cincinnati. At the end of the day he knew that the policy of the
railway was not to stop for just one passenger to board. He therefore
sent this telegram: "Stop at Somerville for a large party." As the
train came to a halt, Taft began to board the train, and conductor
asked, "Where's the large party?" Taft, with all of his 335 pounds
replied, 'I'm the large party."
A man walks in a bar with a newt on his shoulder and orders a beer
and a half of beer. He proceeds to drink the beer and gives the half
to the newt which drinks it thirstily. The bartender watches this
with interest. This happens on the next two days when the newt is
given whiskey and then rum. On the third occasion, the barman remarks
"I have never seen a pet like that before, it is fantastic. What do
you call it?" The customer replies " I call it TINY ". "Oh, why is
that?" asks the barman. "Because it is my newt!" (George Sidaros)
The next time you put on your waterproof togs
And venture outside while it rains cats and dogs,
Ask which you'd rather have land on your noodle:
A cute little cat or a ninety-pound poodle?
College: The four year period when parents are permitted access to
What do you call a girl on a tennis court?
They were too close to the door to close it.
"Has my magazine arrived?" Tom asked periodically.
Old printers never die, they're just not the type.
"Now that he's on cardiopulmonary by-pass, lets replace the valve,"
John said sharply cutting to the heart of the matter. (John G. Steen)