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Jest For Kids 11-01-06

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  • Stan Kegel
    JEST FOR KIDS 11-01-06 Riddles and Puns for the 8 to 14 year old RIDDLES How do you make sure that no one steals your bagel? You put lox on it. What did the
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      JEST FOR KIDS 11-01-06
      Riddles and Puns for the 8 to 14 year old

      RIDDLES

      How do you make sure that no one steals your bagel?
      You put lox on it.

      What did the religious carrot say to the greens?
      Lettuce pray

      Why did the moth in the theater chew a hole in the carpet?
      He wanted to see the floor show. (Lederer & Ertner)

      Why did the dummy take a ruler to bed?
      To see how long he slept.

      What happened when the wizard met the witch?
      It was love at first fright!

      PUNS

      Before final exams, archaeology students will dig in.

      The hairdresser gave her customer the brush-off.

      When the heavy rain hit the stadium during the game, the fans poured
      out.

      When a new hive is done, bees hold a house swarming party.

      The ailing upholster recovered.

      GROANERS

      Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer chips
      that can store and play music inside women's breasts. This is
      considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always
      complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to
      them.

      Noah was told that of all the animals on the ark, only the adders
      refused to obey God's command and go forth and multiply. "We'll, "
      said Noah. "I'll have to ask the Big Guy what to do about that. " And
      so he went up to God and said, "These snakes won't go forth and
      multiply" And God said, "Don't worry. Find some the trees and saw
      them into logs and create a platform sitting upon four legs. Then put
      the snakes on the platform. " "But how will that help the snakes? "
      asked Noah. "Silly man, " replied God, "Everyone knows even adders
      can multiply using a log table! "

      During a performance for the high school drama class at the local
      theatre, a hole was cracked in the stage floor. Subsequent acts
      managed to avoid the damaged area until little Freddy, juggling
      bowling pins, accidentally stepped through the hole up to his knee.
      He apologized to the audience for his clumsiness. But a heckler in
      the back of the theatre shouted:"Don't worry, Freddy! It's just a
      stage you're going through!"

      A woman is worried about an older woman, a widow, who lives in the
      apartment next door. She hasn't heard anything from her for a few
      days. So she tells her son, "I want you to go next door and see how
      Old Mrs. Pierpoint is." A few minutes later, the boy returns. "Well,
      is she all right? " the mother asks. "She's fine, but she's annoyed
      with you," he says. "At me? Whatever for? " "Well, " says her son,
      "Mrs. Pierpoint told me it's none of your business how old she is."

      OTHER HUMOR

      Some say fleas are black.
      But I know that's not so.
      'Cause Mary had a little lamb
      With fleas as white as snow.

      Pathologic: Figuring out how to get out of a maze

      You're hard to find, attractive, and never cheap: JULES

      "You Always Get Caught" by Sue Nora Later

      "Let's be honest about what happened, " said Frank.

      Grand piano for sale by young lady with mahogany legs (Richard Lederer)
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