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[POTD] Puns of the Day: 2-1-00

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  • Stan Kegel
    Puns of the Day: 2-1-00 PUNY Riddle Chain: What author would Cleopatra invoke if Mark Anthony asks her if she were faithful to him? Omar Khayyam (Oh Mark, I
    Message 1 of 1 , Feb 1, 2000
      Puns of the Day: 2-1-00

      PUNY Riddle Chain: What author would Cleopatra invoke if Mark Anthony
      asks her if she were faithful to him? Omar Khayyam (Oh Mark, I am) (Stan Kegel)

      The game show host, a former Marine, lived with his family in a famous
      Mexican city. Name that family and their location (Answer Tomorrow)

      Correction: Movie of the Week: A recent sci-fi action adventure about a
      voluptuous blonde actress in the 1930's who becomes a prostitute for one
      month each spring. The Mae Tricks (Gary Hallock)

      Book of the Week: Children’s book about a spider’s adventures on the
      internet. Charlotte's Web-site (Stan Kegel)

      A schizophrenic
      And a most pious priest both
      Have altar egos
      (Gary Hallock)

      She told her dog's vet,
      "Please doctor, castigate him."
      He shouted, "BAD DOG!" (Ken Pinkham)

      Neanderthals, science now thinks
      Had no sausage to eat with their drinks
      Without wieners, salami,
      Hot dogs or pastrami
      Quite frankly weren’t they missing links (Gary Hallock)

      Bulwer-Lytton Entry: Michael brought a small butter knife and a tub of
      margarine into his tiny room, removed his shirt, and patted himself on
      the back. (Kenneth Leffler)

      Did you see the Mayor of Vidalia, Georgia, on TV last night? He gave
      the State of the Onion address. (The International Save the Pun Foundation)

      An astronaut wrote about flying twice to the moon. It was double spaced.
      (Pun of the Day)

      Mr. Dunlop went to a professor and asked the professor to do a pun on
      his name. The professor said, "Lop off the last syllable and it is Dun."
      (The Pun Page)

      The retired barber ended up beach combing. (Jumble)

      Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9. (The Placebo Page):

      Have you heard about the wealthy robin? it made a large deposit on a
      Rolls-Royce. (Richard Lederer)

      A Sunday school student was asked to list the Ten Commandments in any
      order. His answer was "3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7." (Richard Lederer)

      Did jeer about the pacifistic cook at the mom & pop dinner who believed
      in "peas, loaf & hominy? (Gary Hallock)

      Eleanor liked working in the White House Rose Garden in her spare time,
      but Franklin felt sorry for the poor plucked flowers .he knew how each
      ROSE FELT. (Cynthia MacGregor)

      Though he worked hard teaching me the art of rowing, he never got it
      into my scull (Alan F. G. Lewis)

      Germ on the edge of a milk pail to another germ, “Our relations seem to
      be getting strained.” (Ray Bowden)

      What sits on a hilltop and howls at night, and is full of cement? A
      coyote. I put the cement in to make it harder. (Gary Davis)

      If you're traveling in Scandinavia and you come to the last Lapp, you
      must be near the Finnish line. (Art Moger)

      A hermit in an old jalopy was given a ticket for driving 90 miles per
      hour. The charge was recluse driving. (Bennett Cerf)

      Does Elizabeth Taylor her own clothes? (Dave Coble)

      Revenge is sweet. If I ever find the person responsible for this
      dastardly deed, I will make a pencil sketch of him and sell it for
      twenty-five cents. I will then have him drawn and quartered. (Jim
      Hotchkiss, Jr.)

      If Whoopi Goldberg married Peter Cushing she’d be … (Dennis Hammes)

      We Romans have a god for everything except for premature ejaculation.
      But I hear one's coming soon! (Mel Brooks)..

      If a bra is an Upper Topper Flopper Stopper, & a jock strap is a Lower
      Decker Pecker Checker, & a roll of toilet tissue is a Super Duper Pooper
      Scooper, what do you call a Japanese drummer boy whose father has
      diarrhea? : A Slap Happy Jappy, with a Crap Happy Pappy! (Ginny Manning)

      The Schizophrenic: an unauthorized autobiography (The Rave)

      Authors: On Bended Knee by Neil Down (Gill Krebs)

      Mergers: The National Aeronautics and Space Administration will merge
      with Lockheed-Martin and the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation
      to become NASAL Congestion (Matthew T. Russotto)

      Tom Swifts: "I am a bricklayer and am working on a new building at the
      cemetary," Torn said cryptically. (P. C. Swanson)

      Definitions: Nudist colony: A place where men and women air their
      differences (Archives)

      Nymphomaniac: Piece on earth, good will to men.(Richard Lederer)

      Microsoft: A tiny flaccid Johnson. (Gary Reeves)

      Microsoft: It's a plush, black bird I've got. (Lee Jackson)

      I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help
      section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.(Archives)

      I couldn’t find anyone to sing with, so I bought a duet-yourself kit. (Archives):
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