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Adult Puns of the Day 02-01-06

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  • Stan Kegel
    ADULT PUNS OF THE DAY 02-01-06 WEBSITE OF THE DAY SNL: Getting Into Paris Hilton http://www.unleadedjokes.com/html/Into-Paris-Hilton.html THE GROANERS When
    Message 1 of 1 , Feb 1, 2006
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      ADULT PUNS OF THE DAY 02-01-06


      SNL: Getting Into Paris Hilton


      When the Sheiks' oil fields dried up, he realized he would have to
      cut back on expenses quickly. As much as he hated to, he knew he
      would have to give-up most of his harem. He decided to find out which
      ones performed best in all aspects of sex and retain just those few.
      Night after night the "contest" was held. Then one of the younger
      girls performed such outstanding oral sex on him, he knew she was one
      of the chosen. "Tell me," he said, "what is the secret of your
      fabulous technique." "What I did, Oh Sovereign of the Sands, was to
      suck on ice cubes prior to our session." replied the girl. "You see,
      my Mother told me that in most cases, the cooler head always prevails."

      Judi the blonde runs crying into the office. "Whatever is wrong?"
      gasps her best friend Carol. "It's my boyfriend Paul the PORSCHE
      DRIVER" gushes Judi. "He was working on the back engine in the boot
      of his 911 when the lid came down and cut off a finger!" "My god"
      shreeks Carol. "It didn't amputate his WHOLE finger!" "No thank
      goodness" sniffs Judi. "But it was the one just next to it!

      Two guys were at a circus fair and were trying some of the rides when
      they came to the bungee jump. One says to the other, "How about it?"
      The other replies, "No way! I came in to this world cuz of a broken
      rubber and I'm not leaving it the same way!"

      A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So she
      proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man planning to screw
      him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went
      off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference.
      On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited
      for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged,
      however, he had nothing on except a condom covering a huge erection.
      In his hand he carried a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs.
      Fearing her plan had gone amiss, she asked, "What are those for?" The
      old man replied, "There are just two things I can't stand: the sound
      of a woman screaming,... and the smell of burning rubber!"

      THE PUNS

      Life is all about ass! You are either: covering it, laughing it off,
      kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it,
      behaving like one, or living with one.

      Oral Sex: The taste of things to come

      Why are gypsies so careful when they're making love?
      They have crystal balls

      How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
      Kick his sister in the jaw.

      Taking Viagra is like an attraction at Disneyland. You have to wait
      an hour for a three minute ride.

      Twin: A womb-mate. (Richard Lederer)

      Do you know the difference between a gigolo, a doctor, a rabbi, and a
      chorus girl?
      A gigolo is a penis vendor, a doctor a penis mender, a rabbi is a
      penis ender, and a chorus girl is a penis bender.

      Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?
      More leg-room!

      Why do men pay more for car insurance?
      Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving


      Said Madam at small house of sin,
      On greeting at door, two large men,
      "I'm busy tonight
      Although things are tight
      Perhaps I can squeeze you both in"
      (Gary Hallock)
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