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Animal Jokes 01-02-05 Horses

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  • Stan Kegel
    ANIMAL JOKES OF THE DAY 01-02-06 HORSES 1990. What do you call a veterinarian with a sore throat? A hoarse doctor. 1993. What is a head cold? The hoarse and
    Message 1 of 1 , Jan 2, 2006
      ANIMAL JOKES OF THE DAY 01-02-06 HORSES

      1990.
      What do you call a veterinarian with a sore throat?
      A hoarse doctor.

      1993.
      What is a head cold?
      The hoarse and buggy daze.

      1996.
      That reminds us of what you call a Warsaw native who enjoys riding
      fast horses.
      A gallop Pole.

      2000.
      Spanish equestrians guide their horses with so much slack in the
      reins that they actually hang down across the horses’ necks. That
      echoes the song: “The reins in Spain fall plainly on the mane.”

      2005.
      Speaking of fences reminds us of the man who bought a horse but then
      went back to the farmer and complained, “I thought you said this
      horse you sold me could jump as high as an eight-foot fence.”
      “I did, and he can,” said the farmer.
      “Well,” replied the man, “he can’t jump at all.”
      The farmer added, “Neither can a fence.”

      2013.
      The stallion and the mare were going to get married, but when the
      time came, the stallion got colt feet and failed to appear.
      The mare hoofed indignantly, “The beast! He left me at the halter
      and is probably out there with some cheap filly, horsing around. But
      if he is that fickle, I’m better off not being saddled with him for
      life. I can do without the bridle bouquet!”

      2022.
      The ancient Norse mythological god of thunder went for a horse ride.
      “I’m Thor,” he thundered.
      His horse replied, “No wonder you’re Thor. You forgot the thaddle,
      thilly.”

      2034.
      Then there was the sad horse who felt a bit down in the mouth.

      2046.
      Schubert had a horse named Sarah,
      He rode her to a big parade.
      And all the time the band was playing
      Schubert’s Sarah neighed.

      2069.
      Patron: “I’m hungry enough to eat a horse.”
      Waiter: “You came to the right place.”

      2076.
      Why was the gambler hiding in the shrubbery next to the racetrack?
      He was hedging his bets.

      2079.
      Why did the superstitious jockey compete at only one racetrack?
      He had a one-track mind.

      2080.
      Overheard at a racetrack: “I bet on a horse yesterday at twenty to
      one. It didn’t come in until quarter past two.”

      2087.
      A guy bet on a horse merely because he saw a priest blessing it
      before the race. When the horse lost, the man told the priest, “So
      much for your blessing!”
      The priest replied, “I wasn’t blessing the horse. I was giving it
      last rites.”

      2094.
      “Will I ever be able to race my horse again?” the owner asked the
      veterinarian, following a serious operation on his prize filly.
      “I’m sure you will,” replied the vet, “and you’ll probably beat her,
      too.”

      2103.
      Owner: “Wow! You whispered in the horse’s ear before the race, and he
      won. What did you say?”
      Jockey: “Roses are red; violets are blue; horses that don’t win are
      turned into glue.”

      2111.
      Did you hear the one about the horse that enjoyed eating doughnuts
      for dessert?
      A neighbor came over one evening and tried to feed the horse some
      cake, but the finicky critter refused to eat.
      “What’s wrong with your horse?” asked the visitor.
      “Nothing,” replied the owner. “This is just a horse of a different
      cruller.”

      2125.
      Did you hear about the woman who says she feels like a young colt?
      Actually, she looks more like an old .45.

      2134.
      You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

      2142.
      What was the result of Lady Godiva’s famous horse ride?
      She didn’t win, and she didn’t place. But she surely did show.

      From: "THE GIANT BOOK OF ANIMAL JOKES
      By Richard Lederer and James D. Ertner

      Available from Amazon <http://www.amazon.com>
      and from the publisher Stone and Scott <http://www.stoneandscott.com>
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