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[POTD] Puns of the Day:12-1-99

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  • Stan Kegel
    Puns of the Day: 12-1-99 PUNY Riddle Chain: What s your father s brother s wife expected to do just before the cards are dealt? Auntie Up (By Gary Hallock) .
    Message 1 of 1 , Dec 1, 1999
      Puns of the Day: 12-1-99

      PUNY Riddle Chain:

      What's your father's brother's wife expected to do just
      before the cards are dealt?
      Auntie Up (By Gary Hallock)

      . What were the poetry and sonnets that a very young Jack
      Frost grew up with?
      Answer Tomorrow

      T. V. Show of the Week:

      A show about Alan Thicke pulling a muscle every time
      he sees his son:
      Groin Pains (By Clynch Varnadore)

      Punned Haiku by Gary Hallock:

      You will always know
      A gentleman head to toe
      By his sneeze, "Hat-shoe!"

      The Pun Page:

      Mr. Dunlop went to a professor and asked the professor
      to do a pun on his name. The professor said, "Lop off
      the last syllable and it is Dun."


      Another name for evening hours, “light” time.

      Children’s Mondegreens from Richard Lederer:

      They treated him as if he had the blue bonnet plague.

      Typos from Richard Lederer:

      HELP WANTED: Law firm needs secretary. Excellent
      benefits, including tension.

      Gary Hallock:

      Arrears … Where everybody knows you're to blame

      Tiff Wimberly:

      A place to cry in your beer:
      Tears...where everybody knows your shame

      Jim Ertner:

      Mirrors: … Where everybody knows your pane.

      Cynthia MacGregor:

      What's a cow's favorite candy?
      Milky Way

      Ken Pinkham:

      What Christmas song lyrics did the family sing when
      Uncle Chester got drunk and sat down in the fire place?
      Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire?

      Dave Coble:

      One who does magic tricks with bandages is a wizard
      of gauze.

      Mark Twain

      Wagner's music is better than it sounds.

      Louis Phillips:

      Do you think I should write a scientific textbook about
      the human forehead and how it developed?
      Of course not. Your readers will find it too highbrow.

      Ms Kitty:

      If a doctor of geriatrics treats old people, and a doctor
      of gynecology treats women; then, what does a geriatric-
      gynecologist specialize in?
      Spreading old wives tails.

      Dennis Hammes

      Bumper sticker's favorite fruit: "Free Stone Peach".


      "Not A Guitar" by Amanda Lynn

      Tom Swifts: :

      "Be careful with that knife!" Tom said sharply.

      Gill Krebs:

      "I insist on naming the first male insect,"
      said Tom adamantly

      Lexicon From Dave Coble:

      . Scabbard: Non-Union Poet

      Computer Meanings:

      Baud Rate: Hourly charge at the motel

      Medical Definitions:

      Autopsy: The top on a convertible car

      Laugh Your Ass Off:

      I saw some strange goings on in the city today. A group
      of sterile monks in white robes were circling a large
      urn containing flowers, chanting, raising their hands,
      bowing to the urn, and performing some kind of ritual
      on one young member of the group. It appeared to be
      a vase sect to me.


      Fearing that she might be a hemophiliac, the prostitute
      went to see her doctor. "It's awful," she says. "Every
      time I get even a small cut, it takes days for the
      bleeding to stop." "I see," said the physician. "And how
      much do you lose when you get your period?" She thought
      for a moment, then answered, "About five grand.
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