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KESO by Chris Caillouet

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  • Stan Kegel
    Chris Caillouet s radio announcer monologue was the favorite of all the contestants who chose him as the winner of the coveted McClughan Memorial Most Viable
    Message 1 of 1 , May 16, 2005
      Chris Caillouet"s radio announcer monologue was the favorite of all
      the contestants who chose him as the winner of the coveted "McClughan
      Memorial Most Viable Punster Award" at The 28Th Annual O. Henry Pun-
      Off World Championships in Austin on May 14, 2005. Here is his routine:

      Buenos Nachos, ladies and gentlemen, and thank you for tuning in
      to K E S O - QUESO! - your cheesy news source. I am Juan T’Makyalaf.

      First, some tips from our highway department: If you plan to
      drive to California, take an itinerary.
      Also, if you ever get thirsty on your way to College Station, you
      should stop in Navasota.

      Speaking of College Station, botanists at the Texas A & M have
      developed a pest-resistant strain of cotton and, trust me, it is
      truly un-boll-weevil-ble. Not to be outdone by the Aggies, scientists
      at the UT revealed that they can now measure the mass of a particle
      of light. The device they use cannot be moved, however, because it
      weighs photons.

      A man was killed at a Whole Foods in San Antonio last night
      when a huge display of tropical fruit collapsed on top of him. They
      were unable to identify him, his body was so badly... mangoed.

      Analysts say that although the Enron officials thought their
      knack for deception was an asset, it was all just a big liability.

      Formed in 1806, the Buffalo Preservation Society is gearing up
      for its bisontennial next year.

      This just in: The population of Rio de Janeiro has reached a
      Brazilian!

      A new legend heralds from Scotland of a Big Foot-like creature
      that can draw caricatures: the legend of The Likeness Monster.

      Psychologists report growing numbers of patients who are
      infatuated with skyscrapers the classic “Edifice Complex.” They also
      warn of a new syndrome marked by excessive amusement at one’s own
      attempts at humor. If you have ever tickled your own funny bone, it
      may be a sign of “laughterbation.”

      We are out of time! Gracias por dipping into KESO. It’s the
      taco the town!
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