If you watch college football, you'll probably recognize the name Tom
Osbourne. The former Cornhuskers coach now represents his state in
congress. People outside of Nebraska probably have no idea the
amount of support, love, and approval Mr. Osbourne receives, and he
will never ever lose an election in Nebraska.
Since Mr. Bush will also never ever lose an election in Nebraska, he
doesn't need Tom Osbourne. However, two other hugely popular
coaches, actually ranked #1 and #2 with the most wins of any coaches
ever in their division, happen to be from Pennsylvania and Florida,
two states Mr. Bush would like to have in the bag.
So the next vice president will probably be Bobby Bowden (a good ol
boy), and the homeland security director will be Joe Paterno, with an
outside chance of Schwartzenegger, or Carl Weathers, because every
person in the cast of Predator will eventually hold high office, like
Wait... Ventura? Hmm, how bad does Bush need Minnesota?