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Fwd: As always, the Python has the last (and best) word ...

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  • Greg Cannon
    Message 1 of 1 , May 6 9:32 AM
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      --- Julie Keller <jakeller@...> wrote:
      > To: utepprogressives@yahoogroups.com
      > From: "Julie Keller" <jakeller@...>
      > Date: Fri, 06 May 2005 16:13:11 -0000
      > Subject: [utepprogressives] As always, the Python
      > has the last (and best) word ...
      >
      > Vote Draino
      >
      > There is only one party I could bring myself to
      > support
      >
      > Terry Jones
      > Thursday May 5, 2005
      > The Guardian
      >
      > Personally, I'm voting Draino, the only party that
      > promises to get
      > people's drains unblocked within four calendar years
      > of the blockage
      > being reported. The Slightly Nazi (SN) party has
      > heaped ridicule on
      > the Drainos and claim it is impossible to unblock
      > anyone's drains
      > that quickly without increasing taxes and opening
      > the floodgates to
      > hordes of Aids-ridden, black Asian pederasts that
      > want to work in our
      > hospitals for nothing.
      >
      > The Forget the Illegal Bombing (FIB) party has
      > pledged to unblock
      > everybody's drains by next weekend, give or take a
      > decade, with more
      > power for parents. Some analysts thought the FIB
      > party's electoral
      > chances might have been dented by its responsibility
      > in murdering
      > 100,000 citizens of another country that was no
      > threat. But the SNs
      > endorsed the policy, and the Nice But Damp (NBD)
      > party, while it
      > originally opposed the idea, now thinks British
      > troops ought to carry
      > on occupying their territory.
      >
      > The mass killing of foreigners has little electoral
      > impact compared
      > with unblocking drains. "The average Joe wants to
      > get away from all
      > that gloomy stuff," the leader of the FIB party
      > said. "What the
      > British people want to know is who is going to
      > unblock their drains,
      > when, and how much mess it will make. Killing all
      > those foreigners in
      > a country that is no concern of ours won't get
      > people into the ballot
      > box."
      >
      > Of course, the whole nature of the campaign has
      > changed since the
      > publication of the attorney general's full legal
      > advice. And yet the
      > clear evidence that the leader of the FIB party lied
      > in order to get
      > parliament to agree to bombing Iraq doesn't seem to
      > have done him
      > much harm.
      >
      > "You see," explained the FIB leader, "if I keep my
      > eyes wide open
      > without blinking, and use my really sincere voice,
      > people will
      > believe whatever I say... so long as I stick to
      > drains."
      >
      > I put it to him that his policy had been a disaster.
      > "You said you
      > were bombing Iraq to make Britain safer," I said,
      > "and yet the only
      > terrorist threat to the UK now comes from those in
      > the Islamic world
      > who object to you bombing Iraq."
      >
      > "On the contrary!" he exclaimed. "The policy has
      > been a tremendous
      > success! Saddam Hussein is no longer killing his
      > people!"
      >
      > "But the US and the UK are doing all that for him."
      >
      > "Look, I respect your position. All I ask is that
      > you respect mine, I
      > had to make a decision, I believed it was the right
      > one. Look into my
      > eyes, see how they don't blink, and listen to my
      > voice... think about
      > drains... Remember that is what counts."
      >
      > "Here! Here!" said the SN leader."Who wants to
      > listen to all that
      > negative stuff when there's an election coming up?
      > Let's talk about
      > drains."
      >
      > "I agree," said the NBD leader. "Have I said the
      > right thing?"
      >
      > Of course the attempt by all three main parties not
      > to talk about
      > anything except drains has led to rampant voter
      > apathy. And that's
      > why I'm voting Draino. At least it doesn't claim to
      > be able to run
      > the country. All it claims to do is to unblock
      > drains and where
      > better to start than in the House of Commons?
      >
      > � Terry Jones is a film director, actor and Python.
      >
      > www.terry-jones.net
      >
      >
      >
      >
      >
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