Loading ...
Sorry, an error occurred while loading the content.

CULTIVATE THE CYCLE OF UPLIFTING COMMUNICATION by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D.

Expand Messages
  • Janet Kira Lessin
    CULTIVATE THE CYCLE OF UPLIFTING COMMUNICATION by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D. [Based on Hampton-Turner, C., 1981, Radical Man.] Learn the cybernetic model. The
    Message 1 of 1 , Oct 24, 2008
    • 0 Attachment
      CULTIVATE THE CYCLE OF UPLIFTING COMMUNICATION by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D.
      [Based on Hampton-Turner, C., 1981, Radical Man.]

      Learn the cybernetic model. The cybernetic model of mutually-
      enhancing communication between lovers is a feedback model. In this
      model, honest communication improves relationships.

      When you confront your lovers and take to heart what they
      say, you help each other grow. You feel loved and make your choices
      based on love. You accept, adore, cooperate and share more. The
      more you share, the more you develop judgment, competence and
      individuality and actively show these to your beloveds, who lovingly
      yet honestly share reactions. Use this feedback to raise your
      consciousness so you perceive with greater clarity, develop your
      individuality further and make better choices.

      Commit to lovers whom you accept, who lovingly challenge and
      who enhance you.

      Challenge is critical; in the heat of intense, authentic
      emotional confrontation you give each other the feedback each of you
      needs to understand how you affect each other, the feedback you need
      to become a more loving person.

      You risk your vulnerability with lovers you commit to–they
      could reject or accept you and your growth. Stop seeing things only
      your way and open to their opinions. Care about their development.

      Learn from each other, cooperate, and make ever-more growth-
      enhancing choices, based on the loving energy you share. Embrace the
      cycle with lovers and raise your sophistication as you learn from
      their experience and feedback. Your growth simultaneously
      contributes to their growth. As you mature from their feedback, you
      can give the greater love, acceptance, cooperation and feedback they
      need.

      You and they grow when you cultivate the cybernetic
      communication cycle. You spiral up when you let each other go
      separate directions. Care about each other's growth. Confront and
      take to heart what you each say. Help each other grow. Feel loved
      and make your choices based on love. Accept, adore, cooperate and
      share more.

      Develop judgment, competence and individuality and actively
      show these to your lovers, who lovingly yet honestly shares
      reactions. Use this feedback to raise your consciousness so you
      perceive with greater clarity, develop your individuality further and
      make better choices.

      Your growth simultaneously contributes to theirs. As you
      mature from thir feedback, you can give the greater love, acceptance,
      cooperation and feedback they need. Each time you both complete a
      cycle--choice, commitment, vulnerability, encouragement, synergistic
      learning and use of each other's reactions--you raise your
      consciousness.

      In the exercises to follow, you and your beloveds experience
      each of the steps in the communication cycle. You learn to choose,
      see, feel and enjoy each other, assert yourselves, know you can
      share. You commit and risk; let love affect each of you. You
      celebrate your individuality, similarity and universality. Cooperate
      and encourage each other to learn and grow by just completing the
      sentences. All-in-all, the exercises and the communication cycle
      teach you to use each other's views to better yourself and mutually
      make more.

      CHOOSE

      To start the cycle, lover each say to each other:
      "I love you."
      "I want you as my lover."
      "I'm glad I'm your beloved."
      "I want a great relationship with you."
      "I want mutually delightful sexual relations with
      you."

      SEE, FEEL, ENJOY

      Sharpen your awareness lest you dull yourself. Understand and
      value the other as contradictory, multi-faceted and complex. Tolerate
      and sympathize; be reasonable and sensitive. Love while you see and
      accept each other's flaws.

      Seek to know each other, but avoid prying. Show respectful
      regard for each other, neither indifference nor interrogation.

      ASSERT

      Share your changing opinions with your beloveds, even if it's
      risky. The alternative is to say what you think the others want to
      hear. The cost of that is they can relate only to your lies. Inside,
      you feel unknown and unloved. And you torture yourself for lying.

      KNOW YOU CAN SHARE

      You can cheer your dears with words. Or do the opposite. Some
      kind, gentle words cost you little and mean a lot.

      COMMIT

      Get involved with, care about and commit to your sweethearts.
      Say what you see. Help your darlings grow. And grow up.

      Say to each, "Beloved, I commit to your well-being and
      growth." "I support you in your goals."

      RISK: LET YOUR LOVE AFFECT YOU

      Declare your ideas, especially about yourself. Let your
      intimates influence what you think and do. Bend, adapt, and trust.
      Weigh the risk of sharing against the return of more intimacy. Share
      only when each of you both feel trust.

      Finish this sentence with each other as many times as you can:
      "You don't know I ..."

      What do you dread divulging? Magnify your fear and finish

      "I have secrets so bad that if you knew you'd ..."

      If your lovers can cope with those, complete these:
      "It's hardest to tell you..."
      "I risk our relation by revealing ..."

      CELEBRATE YOU'RE SINGULAR, SIMILAR & SAME

      When you tell the truth, you and your lovers learn you're
      different, similar and just alike. Singular, similar, and the same.
      Delight in your differences. Similarities let you feel close. Your
      sameness is your spiritual unity, the wholeness of parts joining.

      Complete to each other:
      "We vary in these ways ..."
      "I enjoy these differences ..."
      "I see us similar inasmuch as we each ..."
      "I identify with you when ..."
      "Our souls connect when ..."

      GROW ENCOURAGING EACH OTHER

      Find new meanings together. Reach out to help each other meet
      needs. Encounter with care and mutual respect. Recognize you are each
      equal to the other. When you help your darlings develop, you grow.
      You flower when you tell your thoughts and express your emotions that
      help the others mature.

      Say to each, "Sweetheart, I think your strengths are ..."
      (State some.)

      Then switch. Your partners say their assessment of your
      admirable attributes.

      Say to each, "If you stimulate these strengths, five years
      from now you'll ..." (Complete.)

      LEARN FROM EACH OTHER

      Understand and artfully affirm each other. Stop submitting.
      Don't dominate. Learn from your lovers that you're more than you
      think.

      Complete with each other: "The most valuable thing for you to
      know about yourself and how you affect me is ..."

      COOPERATE

      Tell each other, "Let's work together and both gain ..."

      "Here's how to sexually satisfy me better..." (finish, show
      them)

      "How can I satisfy you better sexually?" Then do it.

      USE YOUR DARLING'S VIEW FOR A BETTER YOU: INTEGRATE FEEDBACK

      Mull your lovers' messages and you mature. Complete to each
      other:
      "When I first saw you, I thought ..."
      "Now I see you as ..."
      "You've made me aware that to you I seem ..."

      MUTUALLY MAKE MORE

      The following brings it all home. Hold hands; look
      successively in each of your lovers' eyes. Take turns completing the
      cues.

      "How I choose to relate to you is..."
      "These are the patterns we practice..."
      "With you I'm ..."
      "I savor these six successes sharing with you ..."
      "I'm honest and caring with you when I use these skills ..."
      "I promise you ..."
      "I let you affect my attitudes when ..."
      "I care for you in a way you can feel when ..."
      "You reach out, contacting me when you ..."
      "I feel known and encouraged when you ..."

      TRY SOME OF THESE EXERCISES AND LET US KNOW ON THIS SITE HOW THEY
      HELP YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

      sashalessinphd@... www.schooloftantra.com
      www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com
    Your message has been successfully submitted and would be delivered to recipients shortly.