OK let's see.........this is an application for verbal abuse. First
of all it is scary that it is called a 'contestical'. Anything that
contains the sound 'testacle' makes me uneasy.
The directions say not to follow the rules. So I will not. No essay
Sing these words to the tune of 'Happy Birthday'
-Send my mug to me
-That's my final plea
-The coffee is ready
-Send my mug to me
Twist the children rhyme "Hickory Dickory Doc"
- Hickory dickory dug
- John has got my mug
- He has more than one
- Yet I still have none
- Hickory Dickory dug
My take on 'ABUSED'
A man on a mission
B eligerent pokes
U seless remarks
S o senseless he spoke
E njoying his words
D emanding his smoke
It was my turn to play.I am a newer guy so my abuse won't be bad.
Darwin - "Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap"
--- In firstname.lastname@example.org
, "John Offerdahl"
> OK, here's my latest contestical offer:
> Mel recently sent to me the LAST TWO of the original YPSC mugs. One
> of them is mine forever, and I'll not part with it for anything.
> However, I'm willing to part with one FOR A PRICE. Yes, for a price.
> What, you might ask, is the price? Self-abasement, that's what.
> Here's the rules (don't follow my rules, don't expect me to give
> something for nothing):
> 1. Entrants must write a LITERATE essay, telling me why I should
> choose them as the recipient of the mug. Remember, I am a librarian
> with a background in both literary criticism and creative writing,
> so don't try to bullshit an expert on bullshit. I must receive at
> least 10 entries for the contest to be valid.
> 2. The submitted essay MUST be submitted to me via email
> (jkofferdahl - AT - charter - DOT - net). Any posted online will be
> subject to whatever abuse I feel like pouring upon it when I see
> Please know that I WILL feel like pouring abuse upon those
> of following the rules!
> 3. The emailed entry must be sent with the subject line : "STEAL
> JOHN'S MUG." Failure to use that sunject line will mean the entry
> goes into my deleted items bin.
> 4. Entrants must not have previously purchased a YPSC mug.
> 5. Entries should be intended to make me feel deeply sorry for the
> entrant. I want grief, angst, and self-redicule. I think a
> Kafkaesque essay would please me.
> I will post the winning entry to the board, providing that any of
> the entries I receive are deemed by the panel of judges to be
> of winning.