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Pax Neo-TeX: the lampoon

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  • c1tk
    Act 1: Clean-Sweep Wedgies Prelude Woven with rose-like thorns -- but not rose-like beauty -- Pax Neo-TeX pierces the biases, opinions, and faiths of most
    Message 1 of 1 , Apr 6, 2004
      Act 1: Clean-Sweep Wedgies


      Woven with rose-like thorns -- but not rose-like
      beauty -- Pax Neo-TeX pierces the biases,
      opinions, and faiths of most readers. Realize
      that biases, opinions, and faiths are not
      knowledge. We are knowledge. You may doubt that
      we are the Truth, but since we say we are the
      Truth, and the Truth does not lie, therefore
      clearly, we are the Truth. If you still doubt we
      are the Truth, prepare to be barraged with heaps
      and heaps and heaps of verbiage on how great we
      are, and how we will take over the world, goo goo
      goo joob!

      Prelude to the Overture

      Pax Romana ruled 2000 years ago. Pax Neo-TeX will
      rule tomorrow. So what does the word Pax mean?
      Lewis' An Elementary Latin Dictionary has this to

      pâx pâcis, f [PAC-], a compact, agreement,
      treaty, peace, treaty of peace,
      reconciliation: cum eis facta pax non erit
      pax: maritima: pro emptâ pace bellum
      intulerunt: pacem petere, Cs.: pangere, L.:
      Nulla dies pacem hanc rumpet, V.: iura, bella
      atque paces penes paucos erant, S. -- Person:
      the goddess of peace, Peace, H., O., N. --
      Concord, tranquillity, peace, harmony:
      videndum est cum omnibusne pax esse possit,
      an, etc.: suscipienda bella, ut in pace
      vivatur: bello ac pace, both in war and in
      peace, L.: in pace, H.: in mediâ pace, L.:
      paces bonae, i.e. the blessings of peace, H.
      -- Of the gods, grace, favor, pardon,
      assistance: ab Iove Opt. Max. pacem ac veniam
      peto: pacis deûm exposcendae causâ, L.:
      exorat pacem divom, V. -- Abl. with a
      possess. pron. or gen, by the good leave, by
      permission, with all respect to: pace quod
      fiat tuâ, without offence to you, T.: pace
      horum dixerim: hoc pace dicam tuâ: Claudi
      pace loquar, L. -- As an exclamation, peace!
      silence! enough!: capillus passus prolixe...
      pax! T. -- Dominion, empire: pacem nostram
      metuere, Ta. -- Fig., of the mind, peace,
      tranquillity: pax animi, sleep, O.: mentis,
      O.: temperantiâ pacem animis adfert. -- Of
      things, peace, rest, quiet: flumen cum pace
      delabens, H.: pacem voltus habet, is
      tranquil, O.

      Clearly, the so-called Latin "scholars" are
      aiming to make our lives difficult with such long
      word definitions, so we will just give our own
      definition instead:

      pax, a wedgie.

      And what does the term Neo-TeX mean? The Free
      On-line Dictionary of Computing defines the word

      TeX <publication> /tekh/ An extremely
      powerful macro-based text formatter written
      by Donald Knuth, very popular in academia,
      especially in the computer-science community
      (it is good enough to have displaced Unix
      troff, the other favoured formatter, even at
      many Unix installations). [...]

      But this is very uncool, so we will once more
      give our own definition:

      Neo-TeX, something very great and wonderful.

      So, what the sentence above means is this: "The
      Roman Wedgie ruled 2000 years ago. The Great
      Wedgie will rule tomorrow."


      Neo-TeX is not a philosophy or an ideology. It is
      a flexible tool: how this tool works, whether it
      produces any physical results, nobody knows...
      but that is not important! Neo-TeX is beyond
      physics, beyond empiricism: it is a whole new way
      of thinking! Wait, a way of thinking is a
      philosophy, and we just said that Neo-TeX is not
      a philosophy. Gah, who cares.

      Losers flee Neo-TeX. They wait for God while
      reading Waiting for Godot. Winners absorb
      Neo-TeX. Leonardo da Vinci was a closet
      Neo-TeXer. How can it be otherwise? Conformists
      flee Neo-TeX. Nonconformists embrace Neo-TeX.
      Nonconformists, by embracing Neo-TeX, they become
      conformists of Neo-TeX, but they are still
      nonconformists. Yes, it is profound.

      Pax Neo-TeX begets Pax ULAW as demonstrated in
      some part of this rant which I am sure you have
      not read yet. It delivers open-ended justice,
      whatever that means. It produces non-aging life,
      prosperity and romance -- for me, that is. :-B
      :-B :-B Are you ready?
      Scene 1: Are You Ready?

      In the nineteenth century, Lord Acton identified
      how individualistic ideas most vehemently opposed
      by the Establishment became the enduring ideas of
      the future. For example, Mesmer's crackpot idea
      of "animal magnetism"... oops, that is a
      counter-example. But as the saying goes:

      A witty saying proves nothing. -- Voltaire

      Politics, religion and philosophy arise from
      truths manipulated into illusions. Recall I said
      that Neo-TeX is not a philosophy, even if it is a
      philosophy... damn, why not just agree that
      Neo-TeX is great? Politicians are evil: they
      enact laws against wholesome activities like
      rape, murder, looting, and so on.
      Who will win Earth's final war? Bacteria, of
      course. But this answer will not allow me to
      conjure up some metaphorical struggle of Good vs.

      [Enter a Neo-TeX Author]

      During a publishing meeting, a Neo-TeX author
      stipulated something. Whenever Neo-TeX stipulates
      anything, it requires no proof, as Neo-TeX is
      Truth. Anyway, politics, religion and philosophy
      yield "anticivilizations" -- do you like my inane
      coinage? -- and the way to overcome them is to
      abandon today's object-oriented thinking, and
      embrace wedgie-oriented thinking. The most
      profitable form of wedgie-oriented thinking today
      is wedgie-control thinking: Scene 3 shows that
      controlling a wedgie is better than being
      controlled by a wedgie, but you do not need Scene
      3 to know that.

      Today, with wedgie-control thinking, one can
      undermine neocheaters, by giving them wedgies.

      Winning Earth's final war -- I mean, just before
      bacteria take over -- requires wedgie control
      combined with nonexistent Neo-TeX Bullets, which
      should be available in 2006, but when 2006 comes
      I will alter the date here. But no need to wait
      for 2006; just memorize these definitions and do
      not look up a dictionary:

      * mysticism, the self-delusion that non-reality
      is real. No, Neo-TeX Bullets are real.
      * neocheaters, people who manipulate
      mysticisms. I can just use the word "liars",
      but that is uncool. The Liberal Left are
      neocheaters. The Religious Right are
      neocheaters. In fact, everyone is a
      neocheater, except me.
      * neocheating, obvious.
      * neothinking, wedgie-oriented thinking.
      * Taxation based on income is evil; taxation
      based on consumption is good. If you are
      poor, you should study less.
      * Use "+" and "=" signs to make your claims
      look rigorous and learned. E.g.
      Wedgie-control = Wedgie + Control.
      * Neo-TeX is great, Neo-TeX is eternal, Neo-TeX
      is wonderful.

      "I have memorized these definitions; now what?"
      Now I will try to impress you by naming several
      luminaries who concur with Neo-TeX: Baruch
      Spinoza, America's founding fathers, Vincent van
      Gogh, Jackson Pollock...


      (continued at http://bicoherent.topcities.com/ntx.html)
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