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Noah's Ark

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  • Debbie
    It is the year 2003 and Noah lives in the United States.The Lord speaks to Noah and says: In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with
    Message 1 of 1 , Oct 1, 2003
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      It is the year 2003 and Noah lives in the United States.The Lord
      speaks to Noah and says:"In one year I am going to make it rain and
      cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed.But I want
      you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living
      thing on earth.Therefore,I am commanding you to build an Ark."

      In a flash of lightening,God delivered the specifications for an Ark.
      Fearful and trembling,Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
      "Remember",said the Lord,"You must complete the Ark and bring
      everything aboard in one year."

      Exactly one year later,a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all
      the seas of the earth went into a tumult.The Lord saw Noah sitting in
      his front yard weeping,"Noah" He shouted,"Where is the Ark?" "Lord
      please forgive me."cried Noah."I did my best,but there were big
      problems."

      First,I had to get a permit for the construction and your plans did
      not comply with the codes.I had to hire an engineering firm and
      redraw the plans.Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or
      not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and flotation devices.

      Then my neighbor objected,claiming I was violating zoning ordinances
      by building the Ark in my front yard,so I had to get a variance from
      the city planning commission.

      I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark,because there was a
      ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl.I finally convinced
      the U.S.Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the
      owls.However,the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any
      owls.So, no owls.

      The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike.I had to
      negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16
      carpenters on the Ark,but still no owls.

      When I started rounding up the other animals,I got sued by an animal
      rights group.They objected to me only taking two of each kind
      aboard.Just when I got the suit dismissed,the EPA notified me that I
      could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact
      statement on your proposed flood.They didn't take very kindly to the
      idea they had no juridiction over the conduct of the Creator of the
      universe.

      Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new
      flood plan.I sent them a globe.

      Right now,I am trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal
      Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination
      by not taking godless,unbelieving people aboard.

      The IRS has seized all my assets,claiming that I'm building the Ark
      in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.I just got a
      notice from the state that I owe some kind of use tax and failed to
      register the Ark as a recreational water craft.

      Finally,the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against
      further construction of the Ark,saying that since God is flooding the
      earth,it is a religious event,therefore unconstitutional.

      I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6
      years,"Noah wailed.

      The sky began to clear,the sun began to shine and the seas began to
      calm.A rainbow arched across the sky.

      Noah looked up hopefully."You mean your not going to destroy the
      earth,Lord?" "No,the Lord said sadly,"The government already has."

      AMEN
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