- It is the year 2003 and Noah lives in the United States.The Lord
speaks to Noah and says:"In one year I am going to make it rain and
cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed.But I want
you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living
thing on earth.Therefore,I am commanding you to build an Ark."
In a flash of lightening,God delivered the specifications for an Ark.
Fearful and trembling,Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
"Remember",said the Lord,"You must complete the Ark and bring
everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later,a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all
the seas of the earth went into a tumult.The Lord saw Noah sitting in
his front yard weeping,"Noah" He shouted,"Where is the Ark?" "Lord
please forgive me."cried Noah."I did my best,but there were big
First,I had to get a permit for the construction and your plans did
not comply with the codes.I had to hire an engineering firm and
redraw the plans.Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or
not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and flotation devices.
Then my neighbor objected,claiming I was violating zoning ordinances
by building the Ark in my front yard,so I had to get a variance from
the city planning commission.
I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark,because there was a
ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl.I finally convinced
the U.S.Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the
owls.However,the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any
owls.So, no owls.
The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike.I had to
negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16
carpenters on the Ark,but still no owls.
When I started rounding up the other animals,I got sued by an animal
rights group.They objected to me only taking two of each kind
aboard.Just when I got the suit dismissed,the EPA notified me that I
could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact
statement on your proposed flood.They didn't take very kindly to the
idea they had no juridiction over the conduct of the Creator of the
Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new
flood plan.I sent them a globe.
Right now,I am trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal
Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination
by not taking godless,unbelieving people aboard.
The IRS has seized all my assets,claiming that I'm building the Ark
in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.I just got a
notice from the state that I owe some kind of use tax and failed to
register the Ark as a recreational water craft.
Finally,the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against
further construction of the Ark,saying that since God is flooding the
earth,it is a religious event,therefore unconstitutional.
I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6
The sky began to clear,the sun began to shine and the seas began to
calm.A rainbow arched across the sky.
Noah looked up hopefully."You mean your not going to destroy the
earth,Lord?" "No,the Lord said sadly,"The government already has."