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The Mobtown Shank #313: "I'm So Tired, It's Not Funny..."

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  • Mobtown Shank
    THE MOBTOWN SHANK #313 WHERE TRUTH BECOMES REVISIONISM Baltimore s free weekly interactive e-zine. All the stuff that s worth doing in the Baltimore-Washington
    Message 1 of 1 , Dec 2, 2005
      THE MOBTOWN SHANK #313
      WHERE TRUTH BECOMES REVISIONISM
      Baltimore's free weekly interactive e-zine.
      All the stuff that's worth doing in the Baltimore-Washington
      Metropolitan Area and beyond.
      For the week of 12.2 - 12.9
       
      I. ED. LETTER: Calling Top 10ers   
      II. AMERICAN STANDARD: Saving The Specialty Mustards
      III. QUESTION O' THE WEEK: Freshman Movies
      IV. FREAK O' THE WEEK: Sarah Says It's Her Best Freak Ever
      V. MADAM 8-BALL: Applianced
      VI. THE NEWS: Geekcasts
      VII. OVERHEARD: New Underage Fun
      VIII. STUDENT BODY: The Singapore Switch
      IX. YEAR END ROUND UPS: Lists Please 
      X. RANDOM FACTOID: Steeled By Bush 
      XI. SHANKTV: The Trophy Video
      XII. GODWATCH: Buddha's Back!
      XIII. SHANKTV: Bush Has No Exit Strategy
      XIV. RANDOM FACTOID: Repubs Hate Bruce
      XV. SHANK TV: Triumph The Insult Comic Dog
      XVI. OSAMA CLOCK: Days Since Bush Promised To Get 'Em
      XVII. RANDOM FACTOID: Corrupt Conservativism 
      XVIII. SHANKTV: The Pipettes 
      XIX. RADIOSHANK PLAYLIST: Over 27 MP3s for you! (Not Joey Grey though)
      XX. WHAT THE FUCK: O'Reilly O-Rama
      XXI. GODWATCH: God's Own Archie Bunker
      XXII. SHANKTV: The Face of Republicanism
      XXIII. ATOMIC TV: Now Vod Casting!
      XXIV. THE SHANK: Weekly Calendar
      XXV. THE SKAG: Upcoming Shows
      XXVI. LINKS PEOPLE IM ME: We're #6!!
      XXVII. SHANKTV: Short Plamegate Documentary 
      XXVIII. WHAT THE FUCK: The Problem With McCain
      XXIX. SHANK CLASSIFIEDS: Free Stuff!
       
      I. ED. LETTER==============================
       
      TOP 10 CALL OUT
      This week we're putting the call out for Year End Top 10 Lists. Everyone is invited. All the world loves a Top 10 list! Don't believe me? In the next few weeks, take a gander at how many places will be tossing them at you. Unlike those people, we're asking you for your lists.
       
      This Shank is also a double issue. Since we took last week off for the holiday, a lot's been going on. So we have a double dose of MP3s, video clips, etc., etc., etc.
       
      And now for something special! Please enjoy my sexy, sexy post-Thanksgiving belly: http://www.flickr.com/photos/88329315@N00/66855136/
       
      Sunday is the Mayor's Parade here in Hampden. See you there. Underdog Lady's coming. Won't you join her?
       
      Enjoy you Shank!
      -Benn Ray
       
      II. AMERICAN STANDARD======================
      by Benn Ray
       
      SAVING THE SPECIALTY MUSTARDS
      "What the hell is this, Baghdad," I'm asking myself jokingly.
       
      It's the question I like to ask when everything around me that should be working properly suddenly ceases to do so.
       
      It's 2:52AM, I'm sitting in the basement of Atomic Books with no heat, in wet boots and socks. I have to get up ever half an hour and drain 5 - 6 buckets worth of water from the boiler. I'm listening to Skizz sing "It's so tired, it's not funny," (http://www.roctober.com/mp3/Skizz-ImSoTired(ItsNotFunny).mp3) and I'm chuckling to myself, because really, it is kind of funny.
       
      About a week ago, everything started breaking down.
       
      First, the credit card machine went out at the store on Black Friday. It wasn't just us, the whole network went down for a couple hours. From the early reports I've heard, it wasn't even that big of a holiday shopping day (compared to other years), and yet their network crashed.
       
      "What the hell is this, Baghdad," I asked.
       
      Then, on Sunday, again during the holiday shopping weekend, the power grid went down. So Lauren and Maggie had to work the store the old fashioned way, in the dark.
       
      "What the hell is this, Baghdad," I asked.
       
      Then on Monday, maybe it was Tuesday, our refrigerator at home went out. All loaded with delicious Thanksgiving leftovers. Of course the weather was in the 50s, so it's not like I could have stored anything outside. Slowly, everything went bad. Fortunately, I was able to salvage my beloved specialty mustards (http://www.flickr.com/photos/88329315@N00/60037977/in/photostream/) by loading them in the small refrigerator at Atomic, but everything else had to be trashed. Rachel kept calling our landlord, but he was out of town.
       
      When she finally got a hold of him, I really wanted her to yell in the phone, "What the hell is this, Baghdad?!!" She didn't.
       
      And this afternoon, the boiler at Atomic went up. Water started bleeding out of it, out of the radiator over my desk, etc. So we shut off the heat, and still the boiler bled. I threw the circuit breaker, and still the boiler bled. I tossed switches, I tried everything except the water cutoff valve which, of course, was rusted into place. And still the boiler bleeds. In fact, unless I want the basement to flood again, my task, until sometime in the early afternoon (which, after calling about 80 plumbing & heating services, is the best I could get), is to drain 5 - 6 buckets of water out of the boiler every 30 minutes or so - before the pressure reaches over 15PSI on the pressure gauge.
       
      "What the hell is this," I ask, "Baghdad?!!"
       
      Of course it isn't. In Baghdad, the situation is much worse. They don't have Skizz on the iPod, talking about being so tired, it's not funny which, of course, makes it kind of funny. And they have no way of saving their specialty mustards.
       
      Oh, and all the bombs and torture and death and stuff too.
       
      III. QUESTION O' THE WEEK====================
       
      At this time each semester, I make my Freshmen Composition students watch a movie, and their final for the class is to write a review of it. Each semester, I try to come up with a movie I think they will enjoy, that they haven't seen, and something that they ordinarily may not come across. Without subtitles. In the past, I have shown them Taxi Driver, Trainspotting, Ghost World, Welcome To The Dollhouse. So I ask you...
       
      WHAT'S A GOOD MOVIE TO SHOW A COLLEGE FRESHMAN COMPOSITION CLASS, AND WHY?
       
      E-mail your responses to:
      MobTownShank@...
       
      *********************************************************
      Prize for this week's best response is a prize pack courtesy of one of our favorite stores in Baltimore, The 9th Life in Fells Point. Excellent for holiday shopping you know. http://www.9th-life.com/
      *********************************************************
       
      SHANK #312 QUESTION_______________________________
      I think that most movies should in fact be made into movies. I mean, you are more than half way there already.
      -Steve Freeland
       
      The Watchmen as a ten hour mini-series, one hour for each issue.
      -yellojkt
       
      Remember Dazzler? It was a Marvel comic book that came out in the 70's.
      Dazzler was this chick whose superpower was that she could sing so loud that she could actually hurt people with her voice, and she could blind people with light that she was able to generate from her body.
      Her costume was a white, skin-tight disco jumpsuit, with disco ball earrings, and glittery roller skates.  The comic sucked, but there was lots of cleavage and lots of cat fights happening, which I had an appreciation for even as a young boy.  I think the screenplay needs to be a biopic, dealing with Dazzler's fall from grace. . . not her 1970's heyday, but the decades after that where she was out of the spotlight. . . the drug addiction, the failed relationships, the time spent in and out of jail, her eventual downward slide into obscurity. . .Wolverine never calls anymore, and of course that bitch Spiderman went all Hollywood and forgot all his friends.  This, of course, will lead to a triumphant comeback by the end of the film- the love of her life asks her to marry him, she rediscovers mainstream success, and even records an album that outsells the Beatles and Elvis combined.
      -Joseph Grey
       
      Nerd Girl Rocks Paradise City : A True Story of Faking It in Hair Metal L.A. by Anne Thomas Soffee
      Or else her other book: Snake Hips: Belly Dancing and How I Found True Love.
      Why? Because she is "sober, nerdy, rock 'n' rolling, coffee-drinking, school-teaching, erotica-reading, kitsch-loving, Lebanese American belly dancer" who likes hair metal. Beat that.
      -Rachel Rappaport
       
      Ball Four by Jim Bouton . . . . or an operetta for that matter
      -Paul Schlitz
       
      Any and all classic children's stories so that children will stop reading all together and their memories of these tales will not be their own.  Instead they will be the Disney and Hollywood versions.  Imaginations are overrated and just get you in to trouble.  It is always better to be spoon-fed.
      -Melissa
       
      i probably shouldn't talk about this. whenever i get the hankering to thinking that something cool should be made into a movie, or get invented, like 2 weeks later i find out, it's in the works but....One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest should be remade into another new movie that follows the hallucinatory insane delusions of the book. The indian chief character would fantasize or have delusions every night that fog would roll in and the beds in the asylum would descend into the basement where the clockwork machinery of the asylum  and the robot nurses would whiz around him. brilliant! totally not rendered or suggested in any way in the jack nicholson flick, but could be done admirably nowadays with CG. I can imagine a faithful translation of Kesey being extra cool, but some jackass hollywood fucker would probably try it and screw it all up. or not. here's hopin. maybe i oughta do it. right after that double live album and the childrens books right?
      -gordon daddy crankass jones falls
       
      What movie should be made into a movie? Huh? Anyway, while it is not a movie, book, comic or cartoon, the Carolina Panthers cheerleader incident should obviously be made into a movie.
      -Carl D. Orr
       
      Tranzilla. Because she could take down Hogwarts, Aeon Flux plus all those pansies from Sin City without even thinking about it.
      -Rahne Alexander
       
      "Dianetics" by L. Ron Hubbard.  Narrated by Kirstie Alley, with interpretive dance by John Travolta and Tom Cruise.  Unabridged. Special cameo by L. Ron Hubbard at hour 14, just before the big finale.
      -John Nick
       
      If I say "Diary Comic" can I be your friend?
      -Colleen Pelser
      Congratulations, Colleen. You've won the new Dirty Marmaduke Flute Squad CD, Hugburn! (http://www.atomicbooks.com/products/-/11939.html) Stop by Atomic Books this week to pick it up, or it returns to the collective prize pool.
       
      SHANK #312 GENERAL FEEDBACK_____________________
       
      SELFISHNESS ATTACKS
      when i like something, it usually doesn't even occur to me to tell anyone about it unless they ask. maybe, benn, you just want to be loved.
      -Joseph Grey

      IN RESPONSE TO LAST ISSUE'S MADAM 8BALL
      So where is this guest celebrity fortune teller to whom I can make my inquiry?
      -Scott Langill
       
      (Ed Note: Madam 8-Ball was referring to Obi-Wan-Eightball who filled in for her several weeks ago. - Benn)
       
      MOBTOWN SHANK REUNION?
      Kevin Perkins... Kevin Perkins...?
      Hey... didn't we work together for a while at B. Dalton?
      Seems like it.  Um... We might have to get a beer or something.
      -Roy Fisher
       

      IV. FREAK O' THE WEEK===================

      by Miss Sarah
      Do you have any suggestions for a Freak O' The Week? If so, send them here: freak@... 
       
      WEED'S TOONS
      http://www.weedstoons.com/
      Where do I start? This site is the most shocking, silly, freaky, weird, random, asinine... Maybe I should just describe one page. I won't even describe a really disgusting page.
       
      This one's called "Red Lobster." We see a cartoon of a guy sitting at a restaurant table. A chef is holding up the lid of a huge serving dish, on which a naked lady is, umm, reclining.  The caption reads: "I suppose you expect me to eat this, even tho it don't look like the crab legs special I ordered...lmao."  The cartoon people's heads have been replaced with sad little photos of the heads of Weed's (aka Mr. Toon's) IM buddies, and labeled with their buddy handles. The accompanying music is, of course, "Rock Lobster." Also, my cursor has transformed into the disembodied head of an old guy in a giant jester's hat.
      Red Lobster: http://www.weedstoons.com/red_lobster.html
       
      Now imagine that sort of thing goes on for, oh, say, 500 pages. Only imagine that the dirty cartoon is, like, more heinous. (Heinouser?!?) And yes, there's a different theme song for every single page. To be fair, it's not JUST scanned-in cartoons from Screw Magazine circa 1978; there are also special request cartoons that Weed makes for people who want to be country singers or motorcyle babes or something. (Texas Red: http://www.weedstoons.com/texas_red.html ) You too can be one of "Weed's Classy Rung Ho's!" Just send him a message! He's online RIGHT NOW!!!!
       
      AAAAAHHHHHHHH!
       
      Okay, I'm calmer now.
       
      Since 3 out of 4 medical professionals have agreed it's probably hazardous to your health to expose yourself to all 500 pages (I think I caught hep C after looking at about 50 of 'em), I've picked out a few representative samples, below. For those of you brave (and bored) enough, I would recommend just clicking on the first link that catches your eye and wading through the madness for awhile with the "Next" at the bottom of each page.  But if you get the cancer after this, don't come crying to me.
       
       
      V. MADAM 8-BALL HOROSCOPE=============
      by Madam 8-Ball
       
      ARE YOU ABOUT TO LOSE A MAJOR APPLIANCE?
       
      AQUARIUS: Very doubtful.

      PISCES: My sources say no.

      ARIES: Yes, definitely.

      TAURUS: Concentrate and ask again.

      GEMINI: Better not tell you now.

      CANCER: Outlook not so good.

      LEO: Very doubtful.

      VIRGO: Better not tell you now.

      LIBRA: Don't count on it.

      SCORPIO: You may rely on it.

      SAGITTARIUS: Reply hazy, try again.

      CAPRICORN: Outlook not so good.

         
      VI. THE NEWS================================
      by Lara Mackey   
       
      GEEKCASTING
      Vodcasting is the new Podcasting.
       
      VII. OVERHEARD==============================
       
      THE NEW UNDERAGE FUN
      by Esti Gerson
       
      SCENE: Hon Bar on a Saturday Night.
      PLAYERS: The Bartender, and 2 obviously underage Thuglets 9the brains of the operation had his hood on to look more "mature?")
       
      BARTENDER: Umm..Can I help you?
      MALE #1: Yo, you got Bud Lite N'shit?
      BARTENDER: Umm..yeah...You got some ID?
      MALE #1: ID? [repeated with more veracity] ID? [with the appropriate thug gestures] Yo! That's Disrespect!
      BARTENDER: Bye-Bye now.
       
      Overhear something good? Send it in to the SHANK using this format.
       
      VIII. STUDENT BODY=======================
      by Neil Tobias
       
      THE SINGAPORE SWITCH
      HEY (S)HOMOS!!
      Let's talk about REAL MUSICIANS!!! A lot of good music occured this holiday weekend and I think BALTIMORE IS BECOMING THE NEXT SEATTLE!!!! The "Better then Ezra" show at Ram's Head Live was pretty BANGIN' !!I don't know who Ezra was/is, but he/she must have been AMAZING!!!! LOL!!!! Also, SR-71 SOLD OUT THE RECHER AND HAD AN AMAZING SHOW!!! Local boyzzz "Plunge" opened the show, and I got to hang with those fruits back stage. Two of the guys in the band seemed kind of creepy in a "Steven Kojocaro" way, but all around they were cool guys. They were all like "ARE YOU READY TO GET PLUNGED!!" Which brings me to the next order of business.
       
      I want to apologize for some shit I wrote a while back about WHFS being a sell-out quasi-alternative station.This was before I received the news that SR-71 WAS JUST ADDED TO THEIR "NEW YEAR'S EVE: BIG NIGHT BALTIMORE" EVENT AT M&T BANK STADIUM!!!! That's right, HFS is taking over M&T Stadium and hosting some of the most banging alternative bands that Baltimore has to offer. Can you say Fools and Horses? Can you say Jimmie's Chicken Shack? Or how about Jah Works or Kelly Bell? People, these are some of the most progressive, indie-rock bands in Baltimore and any of you who claim to be a fan of local independent music BEST BE TURNING YOUR HEAD AND COUGHING UP ONE HUNDRED FORTY NINE BUCKS IF YOU WANT DR. TOBIAS TO LET GO OF YOUR BALLZZ!!!! THESE are the bands that inspried all the local indie-shit that you fuckers are all queer for. I don't know if there would be a Double Dagger without Jimmie's Chicken Shack. THEY HAVE A SIMILIAR ATTACK AND PATHOS!!! I know there would NOT be a Two If By Sea without Kelly Bell if you listen to their chord progressions and ALTERNATIVE TUNINGS!! There most certainly would not be THE OXES WITHOUT JAH WORKS AND IF YOU THINK THIS IS BULLSHIT THEN DO YOUR FUCKING HOMEWORK BECAUSE I USED TO CARPOOL WITH NAT FOWLER BACK AT UMBC AND HE GOT DRUNK AT A PARTY AND TOLD ME THAT JAH WORKS ARE BETTER THEN THE TERPS!!! WH-WH-WHAT!?!?!?
       
      Anyway, HFS is a legend in the music biz for their contributions to the world of alternative music and they continue to be innovative by HIRING AN EX-COP AS A DJ!!!! That right there is some progressive shit. THIS IS TOTALLY PUNK ROCK BECAUSE COPS ARE NOT USUALLY ASSOCIATED WITH ALTERNATIVE ROCK!!!! Anybody who knows me knows that I DIG COPS and that my cousin Jason is a cop. Cops TOTALLY ROCK AND ED NORRIS IS THE MUDHONEY OF THE COP WORLD!!!! He REFUSED to play by the rules and became famous for forging his own path and thumbing his nose at the "cop mainstream". Everybody has this mainstream idea of cops possessing this moralistic, superhero status in society. Those are "sell-out cops". Norris was like "FUCK THAT SHIT! My wife is cool and all, but I NEED SOME STREET PUSSY!!" Why is Dave Coulier the only guy allowed to cheat on his wife? Norris was like an artist in the way that he totally interpreted and expressed the law according to his own PATHOS!! It wasn't like the women he fucked BORROWED HIS CAR FOR EIGHT MONTHS!! Tim Virgin must be SIKED about working with this luminary of the cop-rock world. So for the record "I SUPPORT WHF"!!!!
       
      Also, I heard from some jerk at a party that Norris was really into the "Singapore Switch" which is when the girl puts on your watch and wedding ring and masturbates you from behind so it kind of looks like you are doing it yourself. WH-WH-WHAT?!?!? I DIDN'T SAY THIS!!! SOME JERK AT A PARTY DID SO IT MIGHT NOT BE TRUE BUT IF IT IS THEN THAT IS SOME "SCREAMING TREES" SHIT RIGHT THERE, SON!!! The "Singapore Switch" is a GREAT trick to pull if you feel guilty about cheating on your significant other or you want to pretend that you are "doing" yourself but are tired and pissed off because a "parent" or a "friend" played a prank on you.
       
      YEAH TERPS!!!!
       
      ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
      My name is Neil Tobias. This column is all about playing in a rock band and LIFTING WEIGHTS!! I also have Hepatitis C. I am new in town so please excuse me if I don't pronounce all your counties correctly. I will always however PRONOUNCE THE TRUTH CORRECTLY!!
       
       
      XIX. YEAR END ROUND-UP=======================
       
      REQUESTS FOR LISTS!!!
      Each year, The MobTown Shank, like just about every other freakin’ publication (either electronic or in print) compiles a list of top 10s. However, unlike most of those other publications, we wait for the year to actually end before we release our YEAR END lists.
       
      Also, unlike those other publications, our Top 10s of 2005 are not compiled by some wannabe critic with delusions of Lester Bangs (or worse, delusions of Maltin or Ebert or Shales). Naw, here at the Shank, we ask you, the reader who has delusions of Bangs & Shales, to compile the lists.
       
      Here are the stipulations. The list does not have to actually be 10 items long. It can be 5 items long, it can be 15 items long. But 10 does seem to be the average.
       
      We are looking for lists in the following categories:
      TOP MOVIES OF 2005
      TOP READS OF 2005
      TOP ALBUMS OF 2005
      TOP WEBSITES/BLOGS OF 2005
      TOP TV SHOWS OF 2005
      TOP EVENTS OF 2005
      MISCELLANEOUS
       
      The TOP MOVIES and ALBUMS of 2005 are for films and CDs that were released in 2005. If you picked up a CD from 2001, it doesn’t count. If you rented a film from 2000, that does not count. You can, if you like create a special list for the MISCELLANEOUS category (more on that later), but these items must have come out in 2005 to be eligible.
       
      TOP READS of 2005 is for books, comix, magazines, etc that you have read last year. Like MOVIES and ALBUMS, these must have been published in 2005. Your list can be all books or all comix or all zines or a combination of all of the above.
       
      TOP TV SHOWS of 2005 must be of TV Shows that originally aired in 2005. If you happened to catch season 2 of WEST WING on Bravo for the first time, or Netflixed season 1 of Battle Star Galactica, that particular season does not count. Once again, you can create a special category for shows that didn’t originally air in 2005.
       
      TOP WEBSITES are websites that you have visited in 2005. The stipulation here is that they have to have been updated at least once in 2005. BLOGS go here (unless you want to create your own list of Top 10 Blogs, which is totally cool - encouraged even. Bloggers will love it.).
       
      TOP EVENTS of 2005 can be anything from parties to shows to times you've fallen down to  ... ugh... politics. They must have occurred in 2005.
       
      And finally, MISCELLANEOUS. This category is for any other lists you’d like to compile. If you prefer to focus on the negative, feel free to compile your WORST OF lists. If you wish to talk about movies, books, TV shows, albums that you discovered for the first time in 2005, that’s what this section is for. In the past, contributors have complied such lists as: TOP ANNOYANCES, TOP OVER-RATED THINGS, TOP THINGS I ATE THIS YEAR, TOP VIDEO GAMES, BEST MOMENTS OF THE SHANK, etc, etc, etc. In this category, creativity counts.
       
      NOTE!!!! Please include in your lists anywhere between 1 sentence and 1 paragraph of explanation for each item as to why this rates on your list. Readers don't want to just see a list, they want to know why something made the list.
       
      Our year end wrap-up depends on you. The more lists we get, the better the WRAP-UP is. Last year... not too many lists, and issue was rather light.
       
      Please email these lists back to the Shank at mobtownshank@... no later than January 10th.
       
      X. RANDOM FACTOID============================ 
       
      STEELED BY BUSH
      So this week, George W. Bush came to our fine state (that will explain the creepy vibe you may be feeling) to endorse, back and help raise money for Lt. Gov. Michael Steele's Senate bid.
       
      See, George Bush believes in Michael Steele. Bush believes that Michael Steele will, if elected to the Senate, greatly help advance his adminstration's political agenda.
       
      Are you part of the mid-low 30% of Americans who like Bush and his agenda? Then you must know that this endorsement means that Steele is your guy.
       
      For the majority of Marylanders, this should tell you much of what you need to know when trying to make an informed vote in 2006 for who will represent our state in the US Senate.
       
      Maybe check out Cardin - http://www.bencardin.com/
         
      XI. SHANKTV====================================
       
      THE TROPHY VIDEO
      http://www.crooksandliars.com/2005/11/27.html#a6076
      Okay, this is a homemade video by US-employed contractors working in Iraq (unofficially linked to Aegis Defence Services-http://www.aegisworld.com/). You know, mercenaries. The ones we are paying to "git r done". Paying better than our troops, by the way.
       
      Takes a second to realize what's going on, so let me set it up. The rattling noise, under the Elvis song, is  the sound of machine guns being fired out of the car windows. Watch the vehicles respond from rear window.
       
      These are contractors paid by our tax dollars, yours and mine, randomly shooting people in Iraq and then turning it into a music video.
       
      Good choice on the soundtrack, dudes.
       
      Good war ya got there, George.
       
      Hearts & minds. Chocolates & flowers. Shock & awe. Fast & furious.
       
      XII. GODWATCH======================
      BUDDHA'S BACK
      While we wage a culture war in the West with Christian Extremists trying to take over our government and a war on terror with Muslim Extremists trying to blow us up, something happened in the East.
       
       
      Ram Bomjon (15 years old) has been sitting under a pipal tree in the dense jungle of southern Nepal for 6 months. Without food. Without water. Without a bathroom break.
       
      Meditating.
       
      Sometimes his head glows.
       
      He was even bitten by a snake.
       
      Says Ram, "A snake bit me but I do not need treatment. I need six years of deep meditation."
       
      Uh-oh. Buddha's back?
       
      Let's get ready to rummmmmmmbbbbllleeee...
       
      XIII. SHANKTV======================
       
      BUSH HAS NO EXIT STRATEGY
      http://www.crooksandliars.com/2005/11/20.html#a5992
      Need more proof that Bush has no exit strategy? This clip tells us all we need to know.
       
      To those who voted for El Busho in 04, is that vote looking better every day or what?
       
      Geniuses.
       
      XIV. RANDOM FACTOID=======================
       
      BILL FRIST HATES THE BOSS
      (and so does Sen. McConnell, Sen. Santorum, and Sen. Brownback)
       
      Petty, petty petty.
       
      I mean, Republicans generally have crappy taste in music (adorably, it's part of what makes them Republican), but are they so ignorant of music to not understand the cultral impact that Bruce Springsteen has had on America? Or is it that they're pissed at him for campaigning for Kerry in '04? Hm.
      An effort by New Jersey's two Democratic senators to honor the veteran rocker was shot down Friday by Republicans who are apparently still miffed a year after the Boss lent his voice to the campaign of Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry.
       
      The chamber's GOP leaders refused to bring up for consideration a resolution, introduced by Sens. Frank Lautenberg and Jon Corzine, that honored Springsteen's long career and the 1975 release of his iconic album, "Born to Run."
       
      No reason was given, said Lautenberg spokesman Alex Formuzis. "Resolutions like this pass all the time in the U.S. Senate, usually by unanimous consent," he said.
      Last year, the Republican controlled senate simlarly honored Ted Nugent.
       
       
       
       
      XV. SHANKTV======================
       
      TRIUMPH THE INSULT COMIC DOG
      http://www.crooksandliars.com/2005/11/24.html#a6042
      Triumph inverviews some "obscure" Republican Senators on the subject of global warming.
       
      What surprises me most is not their willingness to talk to Triumph (the fact that subjects continue to talk to Daily Show correspondents (don't get me wrong, I'm glad they do!) tells me that people will talk to anyone with a mic and a camera, regardless of how it will make them look), it's not how well they keep to standard Republican talking points, it's how many times the Senator on the left keeps replacing Triumph's cigar. He's very helpful and willing to please.
       
      XVI. OSAMA CLOCK======================

      1,537.
      Number of days it's been since George W. Bush promised he would catch Osama Bin Laden.

      1,365 number of days it took the U.S. days to defeat the nation of Japan after Pearl Harbor was attacked.
       
      XVII. RANDOM FACTOID======================
       
      MORE CORRUPT CONSERVATISM
      Well, what do ya know. Another Republican politican taking illegal money. Huh. Shocker.
       
      What did they used to call it? A Culture of Corruption? What did they offer as a promise? A Contract With America? I'm just trying to remember because it's all so fuzzy these days...
      Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham pleaded guilty Monday to conspiracy and tax charges, admitting taking $2.4 million in bribes in a case that grew from an investigation into the sale of his home to a wide-ranging conspiracy involving payments in cash, vacations and antiques.
      Speaking of corrupt (or allegedly corrupt, or soon to be found corrupt) Republicans, Rep. Tom DeLay had this to say about the ol' Dukester:
      "Duke Cunningham is a hero. He is an honorable man of high integrity."
      Such low standards these people have.
       
       
      XVIII. SHANKTV======================
       
      PIPETTES - Dirty Mind
      http://www.memphis-industries.com/PIPETTES_LARGER_MPEG_1.mpg
      I love their Britty modern revisit of '60s girl bands. One of the girls seems to be into it way more than  the other two - the one who looks like she's going for a stylish, hipster Spice Girls. The other two seem to be more like indie rockers having some fun.
       
      But that's just my take. Enjoy!
       
      XIX. RADIO SHANK======================
       
       A DOUBLE SHOT
      SKIZZ - I'm So Tired (It's Not Funny)
      [mp3]
      Don't laugh, Skizz is reeeeeeaaaaallllyyyyy tired.

      THE JENNIFERS - The Cutter (Echo and The Bunnymen cover) [mp3]
      THE JENNIFERS - Queen Of Eyes
      (The Soft Boys) [mp3]
      The Jennifers have a covers project going on.

      MATH & PHYSICS CLUB - Everybody Lies [mp3]
      No, it's not new Smiths, it's MATH & PHYSICS CLUB! Which is odd. I would have thought the Math & Physics Club would listen to Rush.

      PARKS & RECREATION - Maybe the Moon [mp3]
      Something about the names makes me want to see a battle of the bands between MPC and Parks & Rec.

      Speaking of battle of the bands, here we have the Christians vs. the Agnostics.
      THE CARTER FAMILY - Church in the Wildwood [mp3]
      THE AGNOSTIC MOUNTAIN GOSPEL CHOIR - Things I Forgot [mp3]
      Who has the better pickin'?
      Found on Said The Gramophone.

      TAPES 'N TAPES - Cowbell [mp3]
      What'd dude just say about my moms?

      IRON & WINE/CALEXICO - A History Of Lovers [mp3]
      Now THIS is what a collaboration should sound like!
      Found on My Old Kentucky Blog.

      GROUP SOUNDS - Belly Up [mp3]
      It's fun watching a band scrambling to reach beyond obvious influences and come up with their own sound. Sometimes.

      THE KEVINS - You! [mp3]
      They're all so cute!
      Found on You Ain't No Picasso!

      BEARSUIT - Itsuko Got Married [mp3]
      Way to go, Itsuko! Some of us had our doubts about you.

      THE VERTICAL STRUTS - Girlfriend Boyfriend [mp3]
      It's called being non-committal.

      TWO GALLANTS - Las Cruces Jail [mp3]
      Flat Duo Jetty.

      KINGS OF LEON - The Bucket [mp3]
      You kings of Leon! You princes of... Leon. Hey, someone's less mush-mouthy!
      Found on My Old Kentucky Blog.

      Female Country Singers With Great Voices...
      KATHLEEN EDWARDS - Back To Me [mp3]
      I think friend Sherwood kept recommending Kathleen Edwards to me, and I kept ignoring him for some irrational reason.

      DOLLY PARTON - Crimson & Clover [mp3]
      Dolly takes on a Tommy James classic and makes it hers. With the help of Tommy James.
      Found on My Old Kentucky Blog.

      And...
      My Old Kentucky Blog Posts his Best of 2005
      Tons of great mp3age here.

      ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
      LINK WRAY DIED LAST WEEK
      LINK WRAY - Rumble [mp3]
      Link Wray: 1929 - 2005. (no relation)
      Found on Something I Learned Today, with a handful  of other Link Wray MP3s.

      SPACE MTN - Hovercraft [mp3]
      Ah. A guitary indie rock song.

      OH NO! OH MY! - Walk In The Park [mp3]
      I don't know why, I could just eat this shit up with a spoon. A large spoon.
      Found on Music For Robots.

      BON SAVANTS - Post-Rock Defends the Nation [mp3]
      Let's get all deconstructionist for a minute. Post-rock really means what?

      HARRY POTTER - Do The Hippogriff [mp3]
      From the movie. Fronted by the former lead singer of Pulp, so you know it's gonna be, um, British.
      Found on ANABlog, with a couple other mp3s from the movie.

      HARRY & THE POTTERS - The Wrath of Hermione [mp3]
      Not to be confused with this band, who was not on the soundtrack.

      SNOWDEN - China Light [mp3]
      Moody. Acoustic.

      JENNY LEWIS & THE WATSON TWINS - You Are What You Love [mp3]
      If I am what I love, I would be a bizarre mix of bourbon, chococaramapple and monkeys.
      Found on My Old Kentucky Blog.

      BELLE & SEBASTIAN - Another Sunny Day [mp3]
      For you twee kids.
      Found on You Ain't No Picasso.

      THE SILOS - Innocent [mp3]
      I think it was about 20 years ago when I went through a Silos phase.
      Found on My Old Kentucky Blog.

      --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
      If the Shank was a real publication, this would be the free CD that would come with it each week. Most of these MP3s (and WAY more) can be found by going through the "LINKS" section on the Shank Blog.

      Just click the MP3 link. If you're not seeing any links, visit:
      XX. WHAT THE FUCK==========================
       
      BILL O'REILLY O-RAMA
      JOIN THE BILL O'REILLY ENEMIES CLUB
      First, O'Reilly helps Al Qaeda target a US city.
       
      Now he's promising to produce an enemies list. You know, like in the McCarthy Good Ol' Days.
       
      The Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/) is making it easy for Bill, and YOU!
       

      O'REILLY GOES NUTS [mp3]
      http://movies.crooksandliars.com/Bill-OReilly-goes-nuts.mp3
      On his radio show today, O'Reilly goes bonkers. Threatens the media. And really pretty much casts off any semblance of rational thought or sanity that may have been clinging to him like a sticky fart.
       
      Are his days numbered too?
       
       
      Wow. Pretty comprehensive there Billy.
       
      XXI. GODWATCH==========================
      ABOUT THAT WOMAN FIRED FROM A CATHOLIC SCHOOL FOR NOT USING CONTRACEPTION AND NOT HAVING AN ABORTION
      http://www.crooksandliars.com/2005/11/25.html#a6051
       
      William Donohue, President of the Catholic League, somewhere between Mickey Rooney and Archie Bunker, demonstrates some Christian forgiveness on Scarborough Country.
       
      Let me see if I get this straight.
      No premarital sex.
      No contraceptives.
      No abortion.
      No children out of wedlock.
       
      Good plan. Very reality based.
       
      XXII. SHANKTV==========================
       
      THE FACE OF REPUBLICANISM
      http://thinkprogress.org/2005/11/18/schmidt-shame/
      Or is this "compassionate conservatism"?
       
      Or jingoism?
       
      Or neo-McCarthyism?
       
      Nice sweater though. That seems appropriate attire for work.
       
      The clip took place on the floor of the House of Representatives. The woman speaking, Schmidt, is a Republican from Ohio who's had the job for less than a month. The Democratic congressman she is referring to, Murtha, is a Vietnam Vet.
       
      The best part of this is the response of the guy with the mustache behind her.
      Yesterday I stood at Arlington National Cemetery attending the funeral of a young marine in my district. He believed in what we were doing is the right thing and had the courage to lay his life on the line to do it. A few minutes ago I received a call from Colonel Danny Bubp, Ohio Representative from the 88th district in the House of Representatives. He asked me to send Congress a message: Stay the course. He also asked me to send Congressman Murtha a message, that cowards cut and run, Marines never do. Danny and the rest of America and the world want the assurance from this body – that we will see this through.
      So who is this Col. Danny Bupb? He is a Republican Ohio state representative, in fact, from a district contained within Ohio's 2nd Congressional district, which Ms. Schmidt won in a special election earlier this year.
       
      As a Marine, Col. Bupb never once saw military engagement during his service..
       
      Bang those war drums loud, Repubs. I haven't noticed an increase in the yellow "Support Our Troops" con/ribbon magnets on cars while stuck in traffic.
       
       

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