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Ten reasons I'm not voting for you, Mr. George W. Bush.

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  • R.A. Hettinga
    OpinionJournal - CAMPAIGN 2004 No More Years Ten reasons I m not voting for you, Mr. George
    Message 1 of 1 , Nov 1, 2004
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      OpinionJournal - CAMPAIGN 2004

      No More Years
      Ten reasons I'm not voting for you, Mr. George W. Bush.

      BY JIM TREACHER
      Monday, November 1, 2004 12:01 a.m.

      10. Do you really think it's a good idea to be Hitler, George? Hitler
      killed millions of people and his approval ratings are in the toilet. Why
      can't you be somebody people like? Regis, maybe, or the Prophet Mohammed.
      Anybody but Hitler! Being Hitler = BAD IDEA.

      9. Two words: You. Are. Dumb.

      8. When Karl Rove used the remote-control device implanted in your upper
      back to force you to murder Iraqi babies and American soldiers for oil
      and/or no reason because Saddam was mean to your dad, plus what about the
      WMDs you lost after you lied about them even being there in the first
      place, and then Rove tried to make everybody think your Thanksgiving turkey
      wasn't plastic by planting fake documents about your military service and
      forcing Dan Rather to say "Sorry, I guess" on national TV, did you really
      think we wouldn't figure it out?

      7. People might make fun of me. Maybe you're used to it by now, but I'm not.

      6. I mean, black hoods? Fa-shion dis-a-a-a-ster. Wasn't Abu Ghraib dreary
      enough already? (More like Abu Drab!) I would have started a riot--a laugh
      riot. While pointing at you!

      5. How dare you taunt a dying Christopher Reeve with a big brown bottle of
      stem cells? The man was on his deathbed, you sick monster. Why did you have
      to hold the spoon right in front of his lips? "C'mon, Chrissy, it's right
      here. You can do it, bwah! Just another coupla inches. Oooh, yer close.
      Close!" Shame on you, Dubya.

      4. I can't really think of anything for item No. 4, and for that I blame
      you. (Also the Jews.)

      3. Where's Osama? C'mon, Shrub, we all know you've got him in some secret
      Ashcroft prison and he's running around loose in the world, plus also
      besides which everybody just saw him live on tape giving the dramatic
      reading of "Fahrenheit 9/11" that the Halliburton PR department wrote for
      him to swing the election your way. Well

      2. The Internet.

      1. I can no longer afford the premiums on my falling-sky insurance. Adios,
      chimp!

      Mr. Treacher writes at JimTreacher.com. Editor's note: This is a satire of
      the Angry Left. Please do not take it seriously.

      --
      -----------------
      R. A. Hettinga <mailto: rah@...>
      The Internet Bearer Underwriting Corporation <http://www.ibuc.com/>
      44 Farquhar Street, Boston, MA 02131 USA
      "... however it may deserve respect for its usefulness and antiquity,
      [predicting the end of the world] has not been found agreeable to
      experience." -- Edward Gibbon, 'Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire'
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