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TIME OUT!

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  • Ernest O'Dell
    Not to be sacriligeous or anything, but with all the emotions being stirred up of late, I thought I would offer this to lighten us up a bit. It was sent to me
    Message 1 of 3 , Oct 2, 2000
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      Not to be sacriligeous or anything, but with all the emotions being stirred
      up of late, I thought I would offer this to lighten us up a bit. It was
      sent to me by a friend, I don't know where he got it, as he didn't claim to
      be the originator. So, enjoy this the next time monks "talk about the
      weather."

      Andreas

      An Old Joke with a New Twist
      (you've probably already seen this)

      ===================================

      It is the year 2000 and Noah is now living in the United States. The Lord
      speaks to Noah and says. "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover
      the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save
      the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth.
      Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark". In a flash of lightening,
      God delivered the specifications for an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah
      took the plans and agreed to build the Ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "You
      must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."

      Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the
      seas of the earth went into a tumult.

      The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted,
      "Where is the Ark? Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah.
      "I did my best, but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit
      for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to
      hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.

      Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire
      sprinkler system and floatation devices. Then my neighbor objected,
      claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front
      yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.

      I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on
      cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S.
      Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish
      and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no Owls. The
      carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a
      settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the
      Ark, but still no owls.

      When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights
      group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard. Just when I
      got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the
      Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.
      They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over
      the conduct of the Creator of the universe.

      Then the Army Corps of Engineering demanded a map of the proposed new flood
      plain. I sent them a globe. Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint
      filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing
      discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard.

      The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in
      preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice
      from the state that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the
      Ark as a "recreational water craft.

      Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further
      construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is
      a religious event and therefore unconstitutional. I really don't think I
      can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.

      The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A
      rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are
      not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"

      "No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has."
    • Theodora
      snip ... A ... snip Thank for a early morning laugh!!!!!!Just got off the phone to the tax and mortgage people...so true!!!!!!!!! Theodora in the mountains
      Message 2 of 3 , Oct 3, 2000
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        snip

        > The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm.
        A
        > rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are
        > not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"
        >
        > "No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has."
        >
        >

        snip

        Thank for a early morning laugh!!!!!!Just got off the phone to the tax and
        mortgage people...so true!!!!!!!!!

        Theodora in the mountains
      • Ernest O'Dell
        You re very welcome. Good to hear from you again. I submitted this little piece of humor to try and bring some civility (if not a little humor) to the list.
        Message 3 of 3 , Oct 3, 2000
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          You're very welcome. Good to hear from you again.

          I submitted this little piece of humor to try and bring some civility (if
          not a little humor) to the list. It has been getting rather nasty here
          lately... very unedifying, to say the least.

          Andreas

          ----- Original Message -----
          From: "Theodora" <theomtn@...>
          To: <orthodox-synod@egroups.com>
          Sent: Tuesday, October 03, 2000 9:33 AM
          Subject: Re: [orthodox-synod] TIME OUT!


          >
          >
          > snip
          >
          > > The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to
          calm.
          > A
          > > rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you
          are
          > > not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"
          > >
          > > "No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has."
          > >
          > >
          >
          > snip
          >
          > Thank for a early morning laugh!!!!!!Just got off the phone to the tax and
          > mortgage people...so true!!!!!!!!!
          >
          > Theodora in the mountains
          >
          >
          >
          >
          >
          > Archives located at http://www.egroups.com/group/orthodox-synod
          >
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          >
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