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Re: [One Big Huntingtons Family] dad/mom

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  • April Hynes
    Hi, I have to say in saying this I hope I don t offend anyone since we all make our own decisions in life but I think I need to stand up for the Vows of
    Message 1 of 15 , Feb 1, 2003
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      Hi,

      I have to say in saying this I hope I don't offend anyone since we all make our own decisions in life but I think I need to stand up for the Vows of marriage. I understand all the pain and frustration living with this disease causes and know first hand how difficult it is to watch your loved one slowly slip away. However, the emails I read talked so casually about having an affair on those that are already helpless. I'd like to present the other side of what marriage is. I'm sorry but vows are for sickness also if you remember. Not, when you become too sick to give back to me..I'm going to betray you. What example and what message are you sending your children. That love is conditional? I can see where you may have strayed, making a decision to have an affair when your mind was clouded with pain. We all make mistakes. I'm not trying to sound self-rightous. However, I would think a little harder about possibly doing it again once your children are gone. I hope you make a wiser decision that's not so hurtful to the man you've married. Your pain in intense,I know. Dealing with it that way is not a healthy one for you, for him, and for your children. I hope you can find some people around you that can help you thru this difficult time and encourage you thru the process so you don't feel like you have to turn to another man.

      To Shannon who's struggling with your mother, I'm so sorry your going thru this. What a horrible situation this must be for you. I just can't imagine. My best advice to you would be to tell your mother you completely understand the "feelings" she's having but the decision she's made to bring another man in your father's home while he's still alive is wrong. My heart goes out to you.


      ----- Original Message -----
      From: clarey7@...
      To: onebighuntingtonsfamily@yahoogroups.com
      Sent: Saturday, February 01, 2003 2:49 AM
      Subject: Re: [One Big Huntingtons Family] dad/mom


      i get it lorraine. i depended on my husband for so much. the stupid stuff
      like the cars etc. but the worst part is losing the love of my life a
      teaspoonful at a time. emotionally for so l;ong i just couldn't get it. i
      kept railing against the fates. it has been so hard. and i have already had
      such a hard life. and i still couldn't cope well or at all for such a long
      time. thank god people had tolerance for me. and listened, listened and loved
      me through it all. i never would have made it. such as it is today without
      one iota less. clare


      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


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    • clarey7@cs.com
      i m not offended. and you are certainly entitled to your opinion. my vows did not include in sickness or in health.and i certainly believe in marriage. the
      Message 2 of 15 , Feb 1, 2003
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        i'm not offended. and you are certainly entitled to your opinion. my vows did
        not include in sickness or in health.and i certainly believe in marriage. the
        easy thing would be to leave. clare


        [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
      • simola100@aol.com
        hi lorraine here am not offended and i did take my marriage vows very seriously............that s why i only talk, my children come first, they
        Message 3 of 15 , Feb 1, 2003
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          hi
          lorraine here am not offended and i did take my marriage vows
          very seriously............that's why i only talk, my children come first,
          they always will do.
          am learning not 2 depend on my husband already.......he cannot do some
          things, we both still hide things to protect the kids, they are to young to
          understand.
          we all have hard lives ......we have to find a way of surviving, so
          we can all cope, i have plenty of male and female friends who are helping
          through this hard time.
        • April Hynes
          Clare, I apologize if I came on too strong. I was just startled by what I had read. After reading it I felt like the whole infidelity issue was somehow not a
          Message 4 of 15 , Feb 1, 2003
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            Clare,

            I apologize if I came on too strong. I was just startled by what I had read. After reading it I felt like the whole infidelity issue was somehow not a big deal since the spouse was sick. No matter how you view the issue, I do recognize it's not easy for the caretakers. I can imagine the Loneliness. I just wanted to apologize if I said anything hurtful.

            April
            ----- Original Message -----
            From: clarey7@...
            To: onebighuntingtonsfamily@yahoogroups.com
            Sent: Saturday, February 01, 2003 6:09 PM
            Subject: Re: [One Big Huntingtons Family] dad/mom


            i'm not offended. and you are certainly entitled to your opinion. my vows did
            not include in sickness or in health.and i certainly believe in marriage. the
            easy thing would be to leave. clare


            [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


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          • clarey7@cs.com
            its ok the great thing about this place is that you can say exactly what you think. it took me aback but i realize that i am doing the best i can. its all i
            Message 5 of 15 , Feb 1, 2003
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              its ok the great thing about this place is that you can say exactly what you
              think. it took me aback but i realize that i am doing the best i can. its all
              i can do. it took everything for me to get here. i may have failed in my
              responsibilities at times but i am not a failure.clare


              [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
            • simola100@aol.com
              very true claire can understand that answer from my heart. lorraine
              Message 6 of 15 , Feb 1, 2003
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                very true claire can understand that answer from my heart.

                lorraine
              • April Hynes
                Clare, No , your certainly not a failure. We all have made mistakes the important part is that we learn from them. ... From: clarey7@cs.com To:
                Message 7 of 15 , Feb 2, 2003
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                  Clare,

                  No , your certainly not a failure. We all have made mistakes the important part is that we learn from them.
                  ----- Original Message -----
                  From: clarey7@...
                  To: onebighuntingtonsfamily@yahoogroups.com
                  Sent: Saturday, February 01, 2003 7:17 PM
                  Subject: Re: [One Big Huntingtons Family] dad/mom


                  its ok the great thing about this place is that you can say exactly what you
                  think. it took me aback but i realize that i am doing the best i can. its all
                  i can do. it took everything for me to get here. i may have failed in my
                  responsibilities at times but i am not a failure.clare


                  [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


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                • shabs96@aol.com
                  thanks for you insight. I try so hard to put myself in er position, and it just makes me realize what a great person she is. i don t know what i would do if
                  Message 8 of 15 , Feb 2, 2003
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                    thanks for you insight. I try so hard to put myself in er position, and it just makes me realize what a great person she is. i don't know what i would do if james (my bf) became that ill. I really do give her a lot of credit. I only wish that she would at least hear me out. thanks again-shannon
                  • shabs96@aol.com
                    hi, thanks for your response. my mom is coping with things the only way she knows how, and i respect her highly for sticking around for so long. i just hope
                    Message 9 of 15 , Feb 2, 2003
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                      hi,
                      thanks for your response. my mom is coping with things the only way she knows how, and i respect her highly for sticking around for so long. i just hope she hasn't rushed into things w/ her boyfriend specifically b/c she could. everyone in the family is very happy that she found someone, except the kids. don't get me wrong, i'm ecstatic that she's happy, i just wish she would listen to us a bit more and try to understand where we're coming from. i put myself in her position often, and i don't know how i would deal with such a hardship. my dad changed so much through the disease, and i wish that i could have the real him back for even an hour. his moods became more violent, and his stubborness got the better of him. it was so hard to live with him after awhile. his angry stage just got too violent, and he started to leave the house when noone was home, just because he wanted to. i hope everythign turns out ok for you. it's a very hard thing to deal with. good luck, and look for the brightside of everything.
                      much love and thanks,shannon
                    • shabs96@aol.com
                      thank you so much. you really hit on exactly what i ve been preaching for so long. i love my mother, but i also love my father. i just hate knwoing and not
                      Message 10 of 15 , Feb 2, 2003
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                        thank you so much. you really hit on exactly what i've been preaching for so long. i love my mother, but i also love my father. i just hate knwoing and not being able to tell him. it would be selfish to do such a thing. to tell him, and kill his heart, just to make myself feel better. luckily, i'm not the only one who feels this way. my boyfriend, my older siblings (both married), and their spouses all agree with me, so it allows us all to vent about the events going on in our whirlwind of a family. i love lorenz, but he can never take the place of my daddy. whether i remember him or not, he was always good to me, and i refuse to give up on his fight. thanks again. much love, shannon
                      • shabs96@aol.com
                        friends are the best vaccine against HD. I ve learned that first hand. i dunno where i d be without them.
                        Message 11 of 15 , Feb 2, 2003
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                          friends are the best vaccine against HD. I've learned that first hand. i dunno where i'd be without them.
                        • frannie1996
                          ... boyfriend. In onebighuntingtonsfamily@yahoogroups.com, shabs96@a... ... preaching for so long. i love my mother, but i also love my father. i just hate
                          Message 12 of 15 , Feb 2, 2003
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                            --- hi shannon, how are you ? does your mother live with her
                            boyfriend. In onebighuntingtonsfamily@yahoogroups.com, shabs96@a...
                            wrote:
                            > thank you so much. you really hit on exactly what i've been
                            preaching for so long. i love my mother, but i also love my
                            father. i just hate knwoing and not being able to tell him. it
                            would be selfish to do such a thing. to tell him, and kill his
                            heart, just to make myself feel better. luckily, i'm not the only
                            one who feels this way. my boyfriend, my older siblings (both
                            married), and their spouses all agree with me, so it allows us all
                            to vent about the events going on in our whirlwind of a family. i
                            love lorenz, but he can never take the place of my daddy. whether i
                            remember him or not, he was always good to me, and i refuse to give
                            up on his fight. thanks again. much love, shannon
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