Hilarious Atlanta teacher testing parody in today's NY Times
- "The Atlanta Teacher Aptitude Test (ATAT)," an hilarious parody of teacher aptitude testing based on the Atlanta cheating scandal from the Week in Review section of today's NY Times.
The Atlanta Teacher Aptitude Test (ATAT)
By DAN ZEVINPlease use a sharp No. 2 pencil and gloves to fill in each circle completely or maybe a little less.1. Agree or Disagree? “It is my duty as a pedagogue to help each and every pupil arrive at the correct answer.”2. When helping each and every pupil arrive at the correct answer, which pedagogical method do you find most effective?(a) memorization(b) deconstruction(c) jumbo eraser3. A troubled student has defaced the playground with graffiti that reads, “This school sucks.” Would you:(a) defer to the school psychologist(b) vigorously scrub the “k” with turpentine and spray paint the letters “c, e, e, d” in its place.4. Teaching fine motor skills is a crucial component of early childhood education. Please rate your level of proficiency in this area.(a) somewhat proficient(b) less than proficient(c) extremely proficient5. If you selected “a” or “b,” please demonstrate your fine motor skill proficiency by applying the pink tip of your writing implement to the circle, and using a series of tightly controlled wrist motions to restore the page to its original state. Remove traces of rubber residue by pursing your lips and exhaling upon the page while concurrently brushing it with the side of your gloved pinkie finger. Darken circle “c.”6. Because many children are not developmentally capable of mastering verbal articulation, they frequently say the opposite of what they truly mean. Do you believe this extends to their written work as well?a) Yes7. When Lily wrote that 2+2=17 on her math test, what did Lily truly mean?(a) 2+2=15(b) 2+2=16(c) 2+2=48. Please refer to Question 5.9. What do you like better, permanent markers or dry erase markers?10. Jimmy has failed five quizzes, six tests and one midterm. On his final exam, Jimmy gets every answer right. How do you predict the principal will react?(a) “Jimmy is engaged in wrongdoing.”(b) “Jimmy’s teacher is doing an outstanding job.”11. In basic algebra, when does X=Y?(a) when X2<Y(b) when X/2=πr2(c) when you erase the bottom right part of the X12. Studies show that children who do poorly in school experience decreased self-esteem. Do you consider yourself to be the type of instructor who wants to decrease a child’s self-esteem?(a) Yes, I want to decrease a child’s self-esteem.(b) No, I do not wish to decrease a child’s self-esteem.13. Cognitive psychologists have identified several key ways in which individuals retain and share the information they hear on a daily basis. Which of the following techniques do you find most useful?(a) note taking(b) review sessions(c) wiretap14. If you chose C, we are sorry, but we do not have any openings at this time. Thank you for thinking of the Atlanta public school system.