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L0OKING FOR MR. GOODBAR

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  • Robert Cohen
    A KISS IS JUST A KISS It’s summer, and I’ve got three teenaged daughters, and they love (ugh) the Backstreet Boys…so to make a very long story short,
    Message 1 of 1 , Jul 6, 2001
      A KISS IS JUST A KISS

      It’s summer, and I’ve got three teenaged daughters,
      and they love (ugh) the Backstreet Boys…so to
      make a very long story short, after attending an
      awesome animal rights conference in Washington,
      D.C., I drove my girls to Hershey, PA, for their
      midsummer’s night dream concert.

      Most animal rights activists eat a vegetarian diet.
      Some of those vegetarians are vegan. Vegans eat
      no animal products. Some people call themselves
      “vegan,” but admit to occasionally “cheating.” Many
      of those wanna-be vegans have a chocolate addiction.
      As I stood in line to settle my hotel bill, I chatted
      with a well-known vegan, a man who condemns
      animal abuse of all sorts. One thing he does love
      is food. He raided his hotel room’s refrigerator,
      and I listened, as witness, to his list of overpriced
      snacks:

      Two mini bottles of vodka at $6 per shot. Two cans
      of orange juice. One package of potato chips. One
      bag of M&Ms. Chocolate? Now, that’s NOT vegan!

      Before entering Hershey’s outdoor stadium, my
      kids and I went on a tour of Hershey’s Chocolate
      Town facility. We sat in a Disney-style train, and
      watched cocoa beans dance, and learned the
      chocolate story. My daughters laughed in nervous
      anticipation of my comments after passing display
      after display of Holstein cows and a Got Milk truck.

      We watched as reconstituted cocoa powder was
      mixed with milk protein and turned into a shiny and
      satiny like chocolate-brown latex paint.

      That’s when it hit me: latex paint.
      The tour music played a catchy chocolate song,
      while a narrator revealed that water is evaporated
      from milk to produce Hershey’s candy bars.

      Eighty percent of milk protein is casein. Casein is
      used to make paint. Casein is used to make plastic.
      Casein is a tenacious glue. Casein is used to make
      cheese. And now I’ve realized that casein is also
      used to manufacture milk chocolate. Duh.

      At the end of the tour, everybody gets a free candy
      bar. Their treat becomes our trick. I did not eat mine,
      and headed straight for the Hershey’s gift shop to
      check labels. Product after product revealed the
      same order of ingredients. First sugar. Then milk.
      In third place was chocolate.

      A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. A
      dose of casomorphine addicts the user. Robert
      Cade, M.D., identified this milk opiate as a cause
      of attention deficit disorder.

      Chocolate is sweet brown cheese. Concentrated
      hormones and allergenic milk proteins. Does it
      taste great? Of course it does. Is it vegan? No
      whey! Do the kids love it? Of course they do.
      Their bodies mature before their time. Their
      behaviors shock parents and teachers. Got
      hormones? Get Hershey’s! Anybody looking for
      Mr. Goodbar? The chocolate kiss of death.

      Robert Cohen
      http://www.notmilk.com
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