L0OKING FOR MR. GOODBAR
- A KISS IS JUST A KISS
Its summer, and Ive got three teenaged daughters,
and they love (ugh) the Backstreet Boys so to
make a very long story short, after attending an
awesome animal rights conference in Washington,
D.C., I drove my girls to Hershey, PA, for their
midsummers night dream concert.
Most animal rights activists eat a vegetarian diet.
Some of those vegetarians are vegan. Vegans eat
no animal products. Some people call themselves
vegan, but admit to occasionally cheating. Many
of those wanna-be vegans have a chocolate addiction.
As I stood in line to settle my hotel bill, I chatted
with a well-known vegan, a man who condemns
animal abuse of all sorts. One thing he does love
is food. He raided his hotel rooms refrigerator,
and I listened, as witness, to his list of overpriced
Two mini bottles of vodka at $6 per shot. Two cans
of orange juice. One package of potato chips. One
bag of M&Ms. Chocolate? Now, thats NOT vegan!
Before entering Hersheys outdoor stadium, my
kids and I went on a tour of Hersheys Chocolate
Town facility. We sat in a Disney-style train, and
watched cocoa beans dance, and learned the
chocolate story. My daughters laughed in nervous
anticipation of my comments after passing display
after display of Holstein cows and a Got Milk truck.
We watched as reconstituted cocoa powder was
mixed with milk protein and turned into a shiny and
satiny like chocolate-brown latex paint.
Thats when it hit me: latex paint.
The tour music played a catchy chocolate song,
while a narrator revealed that water is evaporated
from milk to produce Hersheys candy bars.
Eighty percent of milk protein is casein. Casein is
used to make paint. Casein is used to make plastic.
Casein is a tenacious glue. Casein is used to make
cheese. And now Ive realized that casein is also
used to manufacture milk chocolate. Duh.
At the end of the tour, everybody gets a free candy
bar. Their treat becomes our trick. I did not eat mine,
and headed straight for the Hersheys gift shop to
check labels. Product after product revealed the
same order of ingredients. First sugar. Then milk.
In third place was chocolate.
A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. A
dose of casomorphine addicts the user. Robert
Cade, M.D., identified this milk opiate as a cause
of attention deficit disorder.
Chocolate is sweet brown cheese. Concentrated
hormones and allergenic milk proteins. Does it
taste great? Of course it does. Is it vegan? No
whey! Do the kids love it? Of course they do.
Their bodies mature before their time. Their
behaviors shock parents and teachers. Got
hormones? Get Hersheys! Anybody looking for
Mr. Goodbar? The chocolate kiss of death.