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  • Robert Cohen
    NITTANY PUSSYCATS Penn State s official mascot is the Nittany Lion. Has this giant feline exhausted one of its nine lives? A few months ago, I was invited to
    Message 1 of 1 , Feb 23, 2001

      Penn State's official mascot is the Nittany Lion.
      Has this giant feline exhausted one of its nine lives?

      A few months ago, I was invited to participate in a milk
      debate with dairy instructors from Penn State University.

      I agreed to walk into the Nittany Lion's den.

      A week before the scheduled event, I received word that
      the debate would be replaced by a lecture. Seems that
      they could not find a professor willing to go one-on-one
      with me.

      On Wednesday night, I arrived at Penn's State's beautiful
      campus and readied myself for the lecture. Two weeks
      of moderate spring-like temperatures and I was unlucky
      enough to arrive to a record low in which breath freezes
      as it leaves one's mouth. I did not expect much of a
      crowd, but was pleased to have a few hundred attendees.

      The entire front row was filled with dairy students. Many
      dairy professors sat in the audience.

      At the beginning of my talk, I asked for a volunteer, and
      Amy, a dairy major, raised her hand. I handed her a bottle
      of Heineken beer and asked her to scrape off the label.

      As she was doing so, I explained to the crowd that
      eighty percent of milk protein is casein, the same glue
      used to hold a label to a bottle of beer. Amy never did
      scrape off the entire label during the two+ hours of my talk.
      Tenacious glue, right?

      After the lecture, I took back the bottle of beer from Amy.
      I placed the bottle in its original bag and threw it in the
      garbage. My fourteen-year-old daughter (Sarah) was
      a witness to this action.

      One or more of the dairy students may have taken that single
      bottle and filed police a report. The claim was that "Robert
      Cohen was supplying liquor to Penn State students."

      There is at least one Penn State Lion who is a Penn State Liar.
      Just for the record: Filing a false report is a felony offense.
      This act may very well lead to arrest, conviction, and expulsion
      from Penn State.

      When one cannot attack the message, one attacks the messenger.

      Although the Dead Sea Scrolls reveal that Jesus was an Essene,
      and a vegetarian, the King James translation of an earlier Biblical
      text teaches that Jesus fed the masses with one fish. One day,
      Penn State dairy majors may be taught (along with their
      other dairy lies and propaganda) that Robert Cohen got all
      of the dairy majors drunk with one bottle of beer.

      I received a call from Alex Weininger, a reporter for Penn
      State's student paper. She told me that there was an incident
      report filed with the police department (Incident #450).
      Her EMAIL: alex529@...

      I called the school police department (814-863-1111) to explain
      that somebody with an agenda filed a false complaint. I asked
      for a copy of the complaint, but was told that I could not have it.
      Officer Sucheski is the officer who took the original complaint.
      I spoke to Sucheski's supervisor, and learned that Sucheski will
      not be able to speak with me until Sunday evening at 7PM.


      The police department will not give me the name of the student(s)
      who filed the complaint. Nor will they give me a copy of the
      accusation(s). Although the Sixth Amendment of the
      Constitution of the United States of America guarantees an
      individual these basic rights, Penn State's Dairy Department,
      working in conjunction with the police is the real King of the Jungle.

      I look forward to Penn State's continuing investigation.
      One or more immature Nittany kittys will continue to lap up milk.
      A twelve-ounce glass of beer contains 146 calories, zero
      fat, and zero cholesterol. A twelve-ounce glass of milk contains
      225 calories, 12 grams of fat, and 50 milligrams of cholesterol.
      The NOTMILK beer incident: to be continued.

      Robert Cohen
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