Guess Who is Now Vegan?
- Guess Who is Now Vegan?
"I became vegan because I saw footage of what really
goes on in the slaughterhouses and on the dairy farms."
- Ellen DeGeneres
Like magic mushrooms sprouting in enchanted places
fertilized by Rand Paul filibusters, guess which
two women have emerged from the closet to declare
that they are now vegan?
Hint: Both are very much in the public eye, and each
one has been named as a possible presidential candidate
The first one was just a matter of time. She is
married to the vegan ex-president who made the
change of life while looking death in the face
after a severe heart attack scare. Hillary still
lives with Mr. Bill, and yes, she is now vegan.
The second one is more of a surprise, but ever since
she got involved with school lunch programs and
America's obesity epidemic, Michelle Obama has become
inspired by Mr. Clinton's change of lifestyle, and
is showing great wisdom. Her two daughters, Maneeka
and Obliqua have joined her.
Had he survived a Florida psychopath's point-blank
range marksmanship skill and been adopted by Barack
(as the son Barack never had), Trayvon might have
shed his hoodie for a more traditional thobe or bisht
worn by his new dad when relaxing in the executive
mansion's family wing and become vegan in the process.
So far as I am concerned, Michelle has always been
both the brains and strength of the Obama family. I
would love to see Hillary and her run on the same
ticket four years from now.
My own governor (Chris Christie from Nu Joisey) has
declared that he might also explore a vegan lifestyle
since the Clinton and Obama wives are leading the way.
OK, none of the above has really happened yet, but
on this special day, a guy can fantasize, right?
When did you begin to doubt me? Probably when
I suggested that Chris Christie might end his daily
habit of eating a rack of cow ribs and the total
Southern-fried population of an Arkansas chicken coop.
Happy first day of April. Today is the eightieth
anniversary of Germany's persecution of German Jews
in which the Nazis declared a boycott of Jewish owned
businesses, and that is no April Fools Day joke.
Past Notmilk April Fool's Day columns:
"When a human being dies, there is a bridge they must cross
to enter into Heaven. At the head of the bridge waits every
animal that human encountered during their lifetime. The
animals, based on how that person treated them, decide which
humans may cross the bridge and which are turned away."
- An Indian legend