- Solitary Confinement
"Being locked up is one thing, but to have no
concept of confinement, to be ignorant of its
terms and never understand that struggle is
useless - that's what hell must be like."
¯ David Sedaris
How would you like to live your entire life
in one of these housing units?
It may be dark, and your movements might be
limited, and there is no indoor plumbing and
the bouquet gets quite challenging, but it
The housing unit comes with a ten year warranty,
but at 23 square feet, your confinement will last
for only about 18 weeks. After that, your flesh
will mature and turn from white to red. You must
die before the age of 20 weeks to prevent your
muscles strengthening so that you are harvested
into soon-to-be easy-to-chew portions for epicureans.
You soon are to be sauteed with the fatty portion
of your mother's milk, and then broiled with her
concentrated lactations which men convert into
cheese, a process prohibited by those who observe
more compassionate dietary laws such as Kashrut
(Islam) and Kosher (Judaism). Such people have
ethically determined that to serve the child in
the same meal with the milk of his mother lacks
a basic human morality.
Be thankful that your torturous and confining life
lasts for just five months. In Japan, Kobe beef
cattle spend 42 months in similar solitary
Traditional calf housing provides 56 square feet
of living space for a baby cow, more than double
the 23 square feet of confining space which is
now becoming the dairy industry standard.
Veal Parmigiana is delicious. Dine at
a fine Italian restaurant and eat a
slice of the anemic creature who once
resided here. Accept the responsibility
for your dinner.
I'll have the pasta marinara...
"We fear violence less than our own feelings.
Personal, private, solitary pain is more
terrifying than what anyone else can inflict."
- Jim Morrison