The Groundhog's Dairy Diet
We've all read that consuming dairy products helps
you to lose weight, which makes absolutely no
sense, but makes for great press by those whose
job it is to deceive America into consuming milk.
Tomorrow (February 2, 2006) is Groundhog's Day. If you
have never seen the movie of the same name, treat yourself.
It's one of my top five films of all time (Rated PG
with Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell).
On average, groundhogs weigh a little over five pounds
when they emerge from hibernation in the spring. After
a summer of eating, September weights can soar to ten
pounds. The largest wild (free and uncaged) groundhog
weighed in at fourteen pounds!
Groundhog Day marks the midpoint of winter, Candlemas Day.
Tomorrow, the most famous groundhog of all, Punxsutawney Phil,
will emerge from his shelter to look for his shadow which
he will find at sunrise, 7:25 AM. There will then be six more
weeks of winter as a result, or so tradition mandates. That's
not ground-breaking, earth-shattering news.
The big news is that Punxsutawney Phil is the Holstein cow
of groundhogs. He's the pig of litte furry hibernators. What
has Phil been munching on all winter while observing his
dairy-based weight loss program? Ice cream! The root our
groundhog's obesity is not roots. It's dairy!
Bill Deeley, the local funeral home director who emcees
Punxsutawney's much-publicized Groundhog Day Festival and
sees to Phil's needs 365 days out of the year, had this to
say about Phil's diet:
"He's naturally a vegetarian. But he loves ice cream and
Phil, the groundcow, weighs in at 15 pounds and measures
22 inches in length.
Could an overweight Phil be due to the powerful growth factors
in milk and dairy products? Groundhogs should not be eating a
diet of bovine growth hormones and high calorie-containing
saturated animal fat. Neither should humans, for that matter.
So...eyewitnesses will see Phil spring from his burrow and
report that he saw his own shadow. Six more weeks of
winter. Easy on the ice cream, or he'll be in for one big
fall next summer.