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Sex and the Single Apple

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  • Robert Cohen
    Sex and the Single Apple Death be not proud, though some have called thee Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not so...Much pleasure, then from thee, much
    Message 1 of 2 , Mar 1, 2005
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      Sex and the Single Apple

      "Death be not proud, though some have called thee
      Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not so...Much
      pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow..."
      --John Donne (1609)

      From the moment that Eve took her bite of the
      forbidden fruit, the apple has been embroiled
      in controversy.

      First there came Eve. Many Millennia (millenniums?)
      later, Hippocrates recommended sweet apples as an aid
      to good health and digestion. An evil witch poisoned
      Snow White's bright red apple and she fell into
      a coma. Next, a dad (William Tell) was forced to
      shoot an apple off of his son's head. At about the
      same time, Bishop Albertus Magnus proposed that apple
      trees have souls. A few centuries later, Sir Isaac
      Newton developed the laws of gravity after watching
      an apple fall to the ground. One hundred years ago,
      J.T. Stinson's keynote address at the St. Louis
      Exposition included this line: "An apple a day keeps
      the doctor away." St. Louis then became home to a
      biotech company (Monsanto) that would attempt to
      engineer children's vaccines and medicines into
      apples. And of course, let us not forget alar.

      Of the 2000+ emails I get each day, one or two come
      from meat eaters intent on debating serious issues
      by using convoluted logic. One line of their thinking
      often involves the apple.

      I have been accused of heinous crimes, including being
      a broccoli murderer, carrot torturer, and apple killer.
      I've just about had all that I can chew regarding
      accusations of apple-homocide.

      So, let us explore the very core of the apple. Eating apples
      is actually about sexual reproduction. Humans have been gifted
      with an enormous feeling of pleasure while passing their
      seed to another during the act of reproducing the species.
      Such must also be the way of apples. One must assume that each
      one of God's living animals and plants has appropriately been
      given a similar innate gift of pleasure during that magic moment.

      And what constitutes the climatic moment for an apple tree?
      Having her fruit eaten by a mammal, that's what. The apple
      contains seeds for the mother-tree's offspring. The mammal
      enjoys the fruit of her labor by taking the perfumed fruit
      containing seeds far from the mother tree. The animal then
      becomes an important part the apple's reproductive cycle by
      depositing the seed with a copious amount of organic
      nitrogen-containing fertilizer to nurture that seed's growth.

      Each summer I reserve a part of my garden for broccoli
      seeds. The plant produces beautiful florettes which would
      make for a wonderful dish when sauteed with a bulb or two of
      my organically-grown garlic. However, I allow those plants
      to flower and go to seed for two wonderful reasons. First,
      few flowering plants are as stunning as the yellow sunburst
      produced by the broccoli plant. Second, those flowers are
      delicious in salads. To the broccoli plant, her be all and
      end all is to produce seeds. These are her potential
      children. The act of picking the plant must then be an
      act of infinite pleasure. Premature seed-shedding still
      provides some pleasure, even in non-plants, for that is
      how living creatures have been programmed. In other words,
      a broccoli plant lives to be eaten, for in life's final
      act, she dies and exists for future generations.

      Such is the nature of the broccoli, carrot, apple,
      orange and strawberry. Give pleasure to a pear or a peach
      or bunches of grapes as often as you can. The next time you,
      as a vegetarian or vegan, are accused of being a plant killer,
      let those who criticize be aware of nature's perfect plan.

      Robert Cohen
      http://www.notmilk.com
    • Robert
      Sex and the Single Apple Death be not proud, though some have called thee Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not so...Much pleasure, then from thee, much
      Message 2 of 2 , Mar 18, 2012
      • 0 Attachment
        Sex and the Single Apple

        "Death be not proud, though some have called thee
        Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not so...Much
        pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow..."
        --John Donne (1609)

        On Friday, March 16, 2012, Ben & Jerry's announced
        the creation of a new dessert which is to be released
        only in England. That treat markets same-sex marriage.
        Their new flavor is loaded with apples and is called
        Apple-y Ever After.

        On the same day, Reuters News reported that people
        who regularly eat apples have a lower risk of diabetes,
        according to the Harvard Nurse study.

        The simple apple made earth shattering news three times
        last week but nobody seems to have noticed the final
        event, with the exception of a lone notmilkman. Does
        an apple a day keep the doctor away? That saying has
        been a point of controversy forever and a day.

        On March 7, 2012, the Journal of Agricultural and
        Food Chemistry found that the addition of 5 percent
        apple skins to cooked hamburgers reduced the levels
        of E. coli O157:H7 to below detection limit.

        From the moment that Eve took her bite of the
        forbidden fruit, the apple has been embroiled
        in controversy.

        First there came Eve. Many Millennia (millenniums?)
        later, Hippocrates recommended sweet apples as an aid
        to good health and digestion. An evil witch poisoned
        Snow White's bright red apple and she fell into
        a coma. Next, a dad (William Tell) was forced to
        shoot an apple off of his son's head. At about the
        same time, Bishop Albertus Magnus proposed that apple
        trees have souls. A few centuries later, Sir Isaac
        Newton developed the laws of gravity after watching
        an apple fall to the ground. One hundred years ago,
        J.T. Stinson's keynote address at the St. Louis
        Exposition included this line: "An apple a day keeps
        the doctor away." St. Louis then became home to a
        biotech company (Monsanto) that would attempt to
        engineer children's vaccines and medicines into
        apples. And of course, let us not forget alar.

        Of the 2000+ emails I get each day, one or two come
        from meat eaters intent on debating serious issues
        by using convoluted logic. One line of their thinking
        often involves the apple.

        I have been accused of heinous crimes, including being
        a broccoli murderer, carrot torturer, and apple killer.
        I've just about had all that I can chew regarding
        accusations of apple-homocide.

        So, let us explore the very core of the apple. Eating
        apples is actually about sexual reproduction. Human
        males have been gifted with an enormous feeling of
        pleasure while passing their seed to receptive females
        during the act of reproducing their species.

        Such must also be the way of apples. One must assume
        that each one of Mother Nature's animals and plants
        has appropriately been given a similar innate gift of
        pleasure during that magic moment.

        And what constitutes the climatic moment for an apple
        tree? Having her fruit eaten by a mammal, that's what.
        The apple contains seeds for the mother-tree's offspring.
        The mammal enjoys the fruit of her labor by taking the
        perfumed fruit containing seeds far from the mother tree.

        The animal then becomes an important part the apple's
        reproductive cycle by depositing the seed with a copious
        amount of organic nitrogen-containing fertilizer to
        nurture that seed's growth.

        Each summer I reserve a part of my garden for broccoli
        seeds. The plant produces beautiful florettes which would
        make for a wonderful dish when sauteed with a bulb or two of
        my organically-grown garlic. However, I allow those plants
        to flower and go to seed for two wonderful reasons. First,
        few flowering plants are as stunning as the yellow sunburst
        produced by the broccoli plant. Second, those flowers are
        delicious in salads. To the broccoli plant, her be all and
        end all is to produce seeds. These are her potential
        children. The act of picking the plant must then be an
        act of infinite pleasure. Premature seed-shedding still
        provides some pleasure, even in non-plants, for that is
        how living creatures have been programmed. In other words,
        a broccoli plant lives to be eaten, for in life's final
        act, she dies and exists for future generations.

        Such is the nature of the broccoli, carrot, apple,
        orange and strawberry. Give pleasure to a pear or
        a peach or bunches of grapes as often as you can.
        The next time you, as a vegetarian or vegan, are
        accused of being a plant killer, let those who
        criticize be made aware of nature's perfect plan.

        Robert Cohen
        http://www.notmilk.com
        http://www.Twitter.com/TheRealNotmilk
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