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  • Robert Cohen
    Feb 25, 2001

      Discussing bowel movements can be rather unpleasant.

      Doctors rarely ask you this critically important
      question. Hippocrates taught that the state and form of
      your bowel movements are the most revealing clues to the
      nature of your physiology. That should be the primary
      question out of the mouths of physicians and healers
      during their examinations.

      Most cat and every dog I've seen have great bowel
      movements. They don't need toilet paper. I've witnessed
      horses and elephants, barnyard animals, little mammals
      and large mammals all doing their duty, and they all have
      the same thing in common. They defecate quickly, and
      their "droppings" are firm.

      Why are most humans the exception to this regular rule?
      Why do cows and buffalos make "chips," and humans
      make sludge?

      Did you ever consider the consistency of the yellowish
      goop inside of a jar of Cheeze Whiz? Could that be
      the same consistency of the digested food leaving your

      Constipation or diarrhea? Internal sludge or internal
      blockage. In order to find the cure, one must first
      determine the cause.

      When you have an unknown disease, physicians often
      take samples of your body wastes, run tests, diagnose,
      then medicate. Isn't there an easier way for you to experience
      "normal" bowel movements? You're damned right, there is!

      Eighty percent of milk protein is CASEIN, the mucous
      producer. CASEIN from cow's milk is a foreign protein.
      When you eat this antigen, your body's immune system
      manufactures an antibody. The antibody is a histamine.
      As a result of histamine production, many people open
      their medicine cabinets or rush to their pharmacies in
      search of antihistamines.

      Sprinkle Parmesan cheese on your pasta and ten hours later,
      you'll have produced enough mucous to fill the empty
      quart container of Ben & Jerry's Nitty Gritty. Most
      Americans continuously eat one form or another of dairy
      products. The average American eats the equivalent of 29.2
      ounces per day from this food group. For them, bad
      bowel movements are a way of life. They have never known
      what it is like to be regular. They never will if they continue
      eating dairy.

      The cure is so simple. One week COMPLETELY off dairy,
      and you'll be as regular as FIDO. Is it not worth the

      Give this embarrassing newsletter to a friend or relative.
      Dare them to take the NOTMILK challenge for just
      seven days. If you truly love them and wish for them to
      have a meaningful learning experience, treat them to pizza
      on day eight. On day nine, they'll return to the messy
      sludge, and experience that which most Americans deny:

      MILK does NOT do the body good.

      What I am about to suggest may have animal rights
      activists protesting at my door. Feed FIDO two slices of
      pizza for his next meal. That gooey mozzarella should do
      amazing things to his regularity. WARNING: For the next
      few walks, leave behind the pooper-scooper and bring
      along a spatula with you. Oh yes, bring along Charmin
      too. Your dog will make the connection. Will you?

      Robert Cohen