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4839Vitamin B-12 and a Happy, Happy Chanukah!

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  • cohensmilk1
    Nov 30, 2013

      "Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature."
       - Marilyn Monroe

      "Remember, sex is like a Chinese dinner.
      It ain't over 'til you both get your cookie."
       - Alec Baldwin

      *    *    *    *    *
       
      Sometime before playing dreidel, and sometime after
      lighting Chanukah candles, might I suggest an exchange
      Of Vitamin B-12 gifts?

      Got Vitamin B-12? If the Biblical Song of Solomon inspires
      you, then you will most certainly be in good hands. I would
      like to take this opportunity to merge science, religion,
      and good health into one very inspirational and instructional
      column based upon another chapter in the Good Book while
      wishing you a Happy Chanukah!

      From the Song of Solomon:
       
      *   *   *   *   *

      "Thy plants are an orchard of pomegranates, with pleasant
      fruits; camphor, with spikenard, spikenard and saffron;
      calamus and cinnamon, with all trees of frankincense; myrrh
      and aloes, with all the chief spices...A fountain of gardens,
      a well of living waters, and streams from Lebanon. Awake, O
      north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that
      the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his
      garden, and eat his pleasant fruits. Open to me, my love, my
      dove, my undefiled: for my head is filled with dew, and my
      locks with the drops of the night.

      His cheeks are as a bed of spices, as sweet flowers: his lips
      like lilies, dropping sweet smelling myrrh. His mouth is most
      sweet: yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and
      this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem. My beloved is gone
      down into his garden, to the beds of spices, to feed in the
      gardens, and to gather lilies. I am my beloved's, and my beloved
      is mine: he feedeth among the lilies.

      I went down into the garden of nuts to see the fruits of the
      valley, and to see whether the vine flourished and the pomegranates
      budded. How fair and how pleasant art thou, O love, for delights!
      And the roof of thy mouth like the best wine for my beloved, that
      goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of those that are asleep to
      speak. I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me.

      Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine
      flourish, whether the tender grape appear, and the pomegranates
      bud forth: there will I give thee my love.

      I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my
      pomegranate."

      *   *   *   *   *
       
      May God bless those wise prophets who without microscopes
      or chemical laboratories were divinely inspired to write
      about nature's most sensual source of Vitamin B-12.

      If the Song of Solomon does not do for you what it does for me,
      then consider this information, when pondering the Vitamin B-12
      controversy. In 1996, Victor Herbert determined that Vitamin B-12
      deficiency is rare among vegans, even though most do not take
      supplemental B-12. His landmark work was published in the
      American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, vol. 59(suppl), pp. 1213S-
      1222S. Herbert wrote:

      "To a great extent, B-12 is recycled from liver bile in the
      digestive system...The enterohepatic circulation of vitamin
      B-12 is very important in vitamin B-12 economy and
      homeostasis...bodies reabsorb 3-5 mcg of bile vitamin B-12.
      Because of this, an efficient enterohepatic circulation
      keeps the adult vegan, who eats very little vitamin B-12,
      from developing B-12 deficiency disease..."

      Many of you believe that Vitamin B-12 supplements are
      critical to the health of vegans. I believe this to be pure
      nonsense.

      Despite real science, the B-12 myth continues. If you feel
      that you must eat B-12 (which is produced by bacterial
      action), then buy organic carrots and be sure to eat the
      unwashed roots. Washing will kill the bacteria, rich with
      Vitamin B-12. If you dislike carrots...

      @  @  @  @  @  @  @

      Warning to my readers:

      @  @  @  @  @  @  @

      Today's column contains explicit sexual themes. If you
      embarrass easily, or if your religious, moral, or ethical
      beliefs prevent you from reading material of a sexual
      nature, please, read no more. In today's commentary, I
      discuss the science of sex in as dignified and delightful a
      manner as I am able, sometimes using a bit of humor, but
      continuously recognizing that such concepts may be offensive
      to some people, so please, if you find such discussion
      inappropriate, stop reading immediately. If you are easily
      offended by material of a sexual nature, please exercise the
      use of your delete button now.

      For those so inclined to ignore the warning in the previous
      paragraph and write nasty letters to me, see yesterday's column.
      Although I do not expect Mel Gibson to follow his first graphically
      violent pornographic movie with a second non-violent work of
      pornography, please take note that the Holy Bible endorses oral
      sex. To hate me for merging science and religion is to admit that
      you reject both credible sources of information.

      Without embarrassment, this is a subject that needs to be
      discussed. I am past the point of being disgusted by know-
      it-all vegetarian and vegan nutritionists and dieticians who
      believe that one must take artificial supplements derived
      from cow intestines, containing Vitamin B-12 in order to
      maintain good health. The fact that vegans have B-12 in
      their bloodstreams is evidence enough that we're somehow
      obtaining it. Low dose, high dose, it really doesn't matter.
      Fact is that we need just a few micrograms of B-12, and a
      five-year supply is stored in the average human liver. That
      fact alone negates the scare tactics of those who criticize
      the pure vegan diet, or dispense supplements as a part of
      their self-sustaining practices.

      Vegan blood contains some B-12. In that, there is no debate.
      Vegan semen and vaginal secretions contain many times more
      Vitamin B-12 than does human blood.

      The solution? Make love. Enjoy oral sex. The ingestion of
      sexual body secretions from your lover will insure good
      health for you.

      In addition to the usual frogs, snails, and puppy dogs
      tails, what are little boys made of? What exactly is in
      semen?

      Ten percent of semen consists of sperm cells, up to 500
      million per ejaculate. It takes only one sperm cell to
      fertilize an egg. I often wonder why the other 499,999 are
      necessary.

      What constitutes the other 90% of semen? In addition to
      enormous amounts of vitamins, enzymes, and amino acids,
      semen contains up to 20 times the level of Vitamin B-12 as
      does human blood serum. Vaginal fluids contain a similar
      makeup, rich in B-12.

      Scientists knew this 21 years ago, but had no socially-tactful
      way to transmit this information to the lay person. (Yeah, I
      know, you simply adore my use of the English language).

      As early as March of 1984, Carmel Bernstein and a team of
      investigators published evidence in the Journal of Clinical
      Investigations (73;3, Vitamin B-12 in human seminal plasma)
      revealing that blood has one-tenth the amount of B-12 as
      does male semen.

      Eight years later, the Scandanavian Journal of Clinical
      Laboratory Investigations (Hansen, 1992 Nov;52(7):647-52)
      determined that B-12 levels in human semen run as high as 20
      times that of blood. Similar amounts of B-12 have been found
      in vaginal secretions.

      Second and final warning. For those of you unwilling or
      unable to discuss or partake in the loving art of
      cunnilingus or fellatio, read no more. What follows is
      descriptive.

      Many people have an aversion to oral sex because of the
      taste or smell. Can that often be justified? Absolutely.

      Long ago, in the days before artificial modern-day perfumes
      and deodorants were used to mask human odors, people enjoyed
      body smells. Don Juan would keep handkerchiefs under his
      armpits and wave them in front of ladies' noses. That action
      was designed to bring them to arousal from his own natural
      essences and bouquet which contained pheromones, chemicals
      containing natural sexual messengers that communicate
      instinctual feelings shared by all mammals. Truth revealed:
      Why does a male dog mount and hump a human female leg,
      thrusting his pelvis as if in the act of copulation? It's
      not because he smells your puppy, ladies. It's because he
      smells your very own pheromones which trigger a genetically
      pre-determined fixed action pattern in Fido's brain.

      On to the olfactory bouquet from your own essences.

      Dairy farmers know that if their cows eat onions or garlic
      less than 30 minutes before milking, those powerfully
      offensive smells will be included in their body secretions
      which are then transmitted to their milk. A similar event
      occurs with human body fluids. You are what you eat. Deer
      know when meat-eating humans walk into the woods. Vegans
      have a way with denizens of the forest. Vegans do not eat
      other living creatures. Deer can tell by human smells. So
      can dogs and other mammals possessing keener olfactory
      senses than humans.

      For many years, non dairy-using Japanese people called
      Americans "butter-people," for the rancid smell that would
      seep out of our pores. I can smell butter people. I am
      amazed at the number of people calling themselves vegan who
      are actually dairy users. I can smell the aftermath of pizza
      24 hours after a vegan eats one by his or her offensive
      odor. The mozzarella turns rancid from within. Its smell
      lingers on a user's breath. Milk the cow and get the garlic
      or onion milk. Milk the human and get Kentucky-fried chicken
      essence.

      Humans who eat meat ingest large amounts of sulfur-based
      amino acids. That is one of the qualities of meat protein.
      The sulfur becomes a part of their own smell and taste. Eat
      large amounts of methionine and you'll taste quite rancid.

      I have met many vegans who relate anecdotal evidence of how
      other vegans make better lovers because they "taste better."
      Where are Masters and Johnson when you need them? The good
      that comes from this column will result in two lovers
      enjoying a large meal of fresh pineapple before their next
      bout of foreplay. Gourmets and epicurians of the world,
      unite. Your next dose of love will contain the best vitamin
      pill in the world. Was it Mary Poppins who sang, "Just a
      spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down"?

      Remember, for B-12, make love, and do so with good taste.

      *    *    *    *    *

      "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or
      where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no
      matter how bad it is."
       - Barbara Bush

      "Sex is God's joke on human beings."
       - Bette Davis

      Robert Cohen
      http://www.notmilk.com
      http://www.Twitter.com/TheRealNotmilk