- I found out my friends 5yo son Deuce drowned Saturday.I didn't ask if he could swim.I would like for everyone reading this to please teach their children to swim.http://www.infantswim.com/thank you.
- You haven't been LURKING in this group have you?
OH DEAR!! Haven't you ever wondered why lurkers are seldom heard from again after they have been removed from a group for non-participation? I tell ya, the truth can be a scary, SCARY thing!! Don't let this happen to you! Read on to discover the horrors and dangers of being a lurker!
Susan was found to be lurking in a group, she hadn't shared a thing for months and disregarded the notices from the group mods & owners. After she was removed from the group... the very same afternoon... she was walking down the sidewalk when her panties got in a bunch. As she struggled to free herself from the merciless wedgy she was enduring, the elastic waistband snapped causing her skivvies to fall down around her ankles! She wobbled a couple of steps and tripped over her underpants and fell face first into a fresh pile of elephant poo left behind from a passing traveling circus! The elephant poo acted like an oil slick sending Susan skidding out of control with her drawers flailing around her ankles until she plopped down an open manhole cover and was flushed out to sea never to be heard from again!
Ron was once a lurker too. He was a mild mannered midget from New Guinea. He too ignored the notices of participation from the group owners & mods. After being booted from the group, he mysteriously went missing for years! Three years later, his shrunken head was found on a bobble head figurine at a trinket shop near the Mexican border! His head was then returned to his family with 20 Pasos and a bottle of Jose Cuervo!
John was also a lurker who ignored the owners and mods. One day on his walk home from a long night at his job as the local bingo caller, he was assaulted by a troupe of angry nuns! They pelted him with bingo chips until he learned to share stats and email jokes with others online. To this day, John still has a nervous twitch and freaks out every time he hears an old woman shout "BINGO!" causing him to fall to the floor and cower in the fetal position under his desk! His therapist also states he has an unusual phobia to penguins now as a result!
Fred too befell a similar fate as the rest for lurking in groups. He had belonged to a fantasy group but had not shared a thing with anyone in weeks and frequently neglected to answer his emails. After he was unsubbed from the group, he was sitting at his kitchen table grumbling to himself over a bowl of Lucky Charms cereal. Suddenly his underpants were invaded and overtaken by leprechauns! The clever little gnomes magically made off with his "family jewels" and Fred then spent the rest of his days chasing rainbows in the hopes of one day recovering his long lost "Mr. Winky & the boys". He eventually went insane from an incurable case of phantom jock itch!
Lastly, there is the story of Claudia. A simple and quiet secretary from Idaho who was very much concerned with her appearance. She could often be found sitting in front of her web cam using it to watch herself apply mascara and lipstick instead of snagging and sharing like a good group member ought to. After she found herself banned from her favorite group for neglecting to participate she became terribly distraught and developed severe abdominal pains! She was diagnosed with acute appendicitis and was rushed to a local hospital. Unfortunately the doctor's handwriting was so poor that the surgeon misread it and instead of removing her appendix, he formed a large penis on her face in place of her nose! She can now be found working as the aardvark woman in a popular freak show in Albania! We won't even discuss what happens when she sneezes!
DON'T LET TRAGEDIES SUCH AS THESE BEFALL YOU!!!
PARTICIPATE IN YOUR GROUPS!
SHARE! SHARE! SHARE!
Just MeI plan to live forever. So far, so good.
- Two elderly gentlemen were visiting. "I guess you're
never too old," the first one boasted. "Why just
yesterday a pretty college girl said she'd be interested
in dating me. But to be perfectly honest, I don't
quite understand it.""Well," said his friend, "you have
to remember that nowadays women are more aggressive.
They don't mind being the one to ask."
"No, I don't think it's that."
"Well, maybe you remind her of her father."
"No, it's not that either. It's just that she also
mentioned something about carbon 14."
_______________Those who live by the sword get
shot by those who don't.