Loading ...
Sorry, an error occurred while loading the content.
 

[NeroWolfe] Re: Wolfe Meets Archie

Expand Messages
  • M. Mitchell Marmel
    ... Oh, that s never stopped anyone before. You re insane. Wolfe said. Arnold Zeck is dead. I watched him die. I watched his killer die. Our visitor,
    Message 1 of 10 , Jul 1 9:46 AM
      At 2:22 PM -0400 6/16/12, Victor Wong wrote:
      >
      >
      >Afraid 007 / Wolfe crossover not possible as OHMSS established Wolfe
      >as fiction

      Oh, that's never stopped anyone before.

      "You're insane." Wolfe said. "Arnold Zeck is dead. I watched him
      die. I watched his killer die."

      Our visitor, who had phoned for an appointment as one Mark Hazard of
      Universal Exports, stubbed his gold-ringed cigarette out in an
      ashtray, and took another sip of one of Fritz's excellent vodka
      martinis. "And I witnessed Ernst Stavro Blofeld meet his end in a
      Japanese fumarole. Nonetheless, he too is alive, and working with
      Arnold Zeck in a scheme to subjugate the entire world."

      Wolfe snorted. "Pfui. What proof have you?"

      The visitor smiled faintly and opened the expensive folio in his lap.
      He tossed over a red folder clearly marked FOR YOUR EYES ONLY.

      With another snort, Wolfe picked up the folder and opened it. And
      then, something happened which I've only seen rarely in my days as
      Wolfe's assistant, dogsbody and general factotum-the blood drained
      from Wolfe's face and his eyes opened wide. He brought his head back
      up and stared at our visitor. "Who the devil ARE you?"

      Our visitor's faint smile increased incrementally. "The name is
      Bond. James Bond."

      -MMM-
    • Jenna Welch
      Mmhmm. Yes. More please.
      Message 2 of 10 , Jul 1 11:08 AM

        Mmhmm. Yes. More please.

        On Jul 1, 2012 12:47 PM, "M. Mitchell Marmel" <marmelmm@...> wrote:
         

        At 2:22 PM -0400 6/16/12, Victor Wong wrote:
        >
        >
        >Afraid 007 / Wolfe crossover not possible as OHMSS established Wolfe
        >as fiction

        Oh, that's never stopped anyone before.

        "You're insane." Wolfe said. "Arnold Zeck is dead. I watched him
        die. I watched his killer die."

        Our visitor, who had phoned for an appointment as one Mark Hazard of
        Universal Exports, stubbed his gold-ringed cigarette out in an
        ashtray, and took another sip of one of Fritz's excellent vodka
        martinis. "And I witnessed Ernst Stavro Blofeld meet his end in a
        Japanese fumarole. Nonetheless, he too is alive, and working with
        Arnold Zeck in a scheme to subjugate the entire world."

        Wolfe snorted. "Pfui. What proof have you?"

        The visitor smiled faintly and opened the expensive folio in his lap.
        He tossed over a red folder clearly marked FOR YOUR EYES ONLY.

        With another snort, Wolfe picked up the folder and opened it. And
        then, something happened which I've only seen rarely in my days as
        Wolfe's assistant, dogsbody and general factotum-the blood drained
        from Wolfe's face and his eyes opened wide. He brought his head back
        up and stared at our visitor. "Who the devil ARE you?"

        Our visitor's faint smile increased incrementally. "The name is
        Bond. James Bond."

        -MMM-

      • M. Mitchell Marmel
        ... Wolfe seemed to have recovered somewhat from his astonishment. Pah! You re a figment. A chimera. You don t exist. I swiveled in my chair and took a
        Message 3 of 10 , Jul 1 11:38 AM
          At 2:08 PM -0400 7/1/12, Jenna Welch wrote:
          >
          >
          >Mmhmm. Yes. More please.

          Wolfe seemed to have recovered somewhat from his astonishment. "Pah!
          You're a figment. A chimera. You don't exist."

          I swiveled in my chair and took a closer look at our chimeric visitor
          who didn't exist. Apart from the gold-banded cigarettes and the dark
          blue lightweight worsted suit, there wasn't much to connect this guy
          with the legendary espionage agent of book and film fame. No comma
          of dark hair over his forehead, no scar down his cheek, and he sure
          as hell didn't look like Hoagy Carmichael. Just another worker drone
          who pours out of Manhattan offices by the hundreds of thousands.
          Still, there was something in those ice-blue eyes, a note I'd seen
          during my service in Washington with Army Intelligence. All of a
          sudden, I wasn't as sure as Wolfe seemed to be.

          "You know," our visitor drawled in his proper English tones, "my
          chief says the same thing about you. Nevertheless-" he shrugged
          elegantly- "here I am, and here you are. Now. What do you propose
          we do about it?"

          Wolfe let in a bushel of air and out again in an enormous sigh, and
          pressed the button to summon Fritz. "Fritz, there will be three for
          luncheon."

          -MMM-
        • Jenna Welch
          Satisfactory.
          Message 4 of 10 , Jul 1 3:23 PM

            Satisfactory.

            On Jul 1, 2012 2:38 PM, "M. Mitchell Marmel" <marmelmm@...> wrote:
             

            At 2:08 PM -0400 7/1/12, Jenna Welch wrote:
            >
            >
            >Mmhmm. Yes. More please.

            Wolfe seemed to have recovered somewhat from his astonishment. "Pah!
            You're a figment. A chimera. You don't exist."

            I swiveled in my chair and took a closer look at our chimeric visitor
            who didn't exist. Apart from the gold-banded cigarettes and the dark
            blue lightweight worsted suit, there wasn't much to connect this guy
            with the legendary espionage agent of book and film fame. No comma
            of dark hair over his forehead, no scar down his cheek, and he sure
            as hell didn't look like Hoagy Carmichael. Just another worker drone
            who pours out of Manhattan offices by the hundreds of thousands.
            Still, there was something in those ice-blue eyes, a note I'd seen
            during my service in Washington with Army Intelligence. All of a
            sudden, I wasn't as sure as Wolfe seemed to be.

            "You know," our visitor drawled in his proper English tones, "my
            chief says the same thing about you. Nevertheless-" he shrugged
            elegantly- "here I am, and here you are. Now. What do you propose
            we do about it?"

            Wolfe let in a bushel of air and out again in an enormous sigh, and
            pressed the button to summon Fritz. "Fritz, there will be three for
            luncheon."

            -MMM-

          • M. Mitchell Marmel
            (I think a subject change is called for, no?) ;) ... (grin) Thankee! There was certainly nothing wrong with Bond s appetite. He went through Fritz s
            Message 5 of 10 , Jul 1 6:39 PM
              (I think a subject change is called for, no?) ;)

              At 6:23 PM -0400 7/1/12, Jenna Welch wrote:
              >
              >
              >Satisfactory.

              (grin) Thankee!

              There was certainly nothing wrong with Bond's appetite. He went
              through Fritz's "Louisiana Back-bay Bayou Bunny Bordelaise, a la
              Antoine" and even congratulated Fritz in fluent Swiss German, judging
              by the by-chat they exchanged after dessert was served.

              Coffee, of course, was served in the office. A thought occurred to
              me, and I took a quick peek into the Manhattan phone book, Sure
              enough, there was a listing for "Charles, Nick". I decided not to
              dial. I mean, what if he answered? The mind boggled. We could have
              C. Auguste Dupin chasing Arsene Lupin through the New York Tulip
              Show...

              Wolfe cleared his throat. "Now, then. According to this file, a
              Norwegian named Sigerson photographed..."

              "He Who Shall Not Be Named?" I asked helpfully.

              Wolfe shot me a dirty look. "Arnold Zeck and this Blofeld character,
              large as life and conversing in a cafe in Cairo." He looked at Bond.
              "How in the world could they possibly survived? And apart from our
              past dealings with Zeck, how do Mr. Goodwin and myself fit into this
              picture?"

              The doorbell rang. Since we had a visitor, I let Fritz handle it. A
              bit of muffled conversation later, Fritz appeared in the office
              doorway. "Inspector Cramer, sir. He says it's urgent."

              Bond grinned sardonically. "I believe you're about to get your
              answer, Mr. Wolfe."

              Wolfe sighed. "Show him in, Fritz."

              There are a few constants in New York City. Rusterman's has the best
              food outside of Fritz's kitchen; the Flamingo is always the best spot
              for dancing; and Inspector Cramer of Homicide is invariably
              red-faced, chomping on an unlit cigar and ready for a war of words
              with Wolfe.

              When he caught sight of our visitor, Cramer's expression grew even
              sourer, if such a thing was possible. "Oh," he growled. "I see Her
              Majesty's Secret Service already showed up." His mouth quirked up a
              bit. "Any luck finding the Reptile House at the Central Park Zoo?"

              Bond exhaled expensive cigarette smoke through his nostrils. "No,
              but I did get some rather good scrambled eggs at breakfast that day."

              "Ha!" Cramer snorted, pulling up one of the yellow chairs. "So, how
              much has Mister Bond told you, Wolfe?"

              "Only that Lazarus is apparently not alone," Wolfe replied easily.
              "I take it then, Inspector, that our non-deceased nemeses have been
              spotted somewhere in your jurisdiction?"

              "You can take what you like. Lord knows you always do." Cramer
              settled back in his chair. "This town's been nice and quiet since
              Zeck apparently got his at that hideout of his. Last thing I want is
              for things to start popping again."

              "And again I must ask, what is my role in all of this?" Wolfe
              inquired, steepling his fingers over his repository for Back-bay
              Bayou Bunny.

              "That, Mister Wolfe," Bond said cooly, "is what we are going to find out..."

              -MMM-
            • Jenna Welch
              Omg the nick Charles joke had me giggling but he who must not be named was worthy of a literal lol. I think you should just write this entire vignette and post
              Message 6 of 10 , Jul 1 6:46 PM

                Omg the nick Charles joke had me giggling but he who must not be named was worthy of a literal lol. I think you should just write this entire vignette and post it in the files section for posterity. (And then on archive of our own for the rest of the world to enjoy.)

                On Jul 1, 2012 9:40 PM, "M. Mitchell Marmel" <marmelmm@...> wrote:
                 

                (I think a subject change is called for, no?) ;)

                At 6:23 PM -0400 7/1/12, Jenna Welch wrote:
                >
                >
                >Satisfactory.

                (grin) Thankee!

                There was certainly nothing wrong with Bond's appetite. He went
                through Fritz's "Louisiana Back-bay Bayou Bunny Bordelaise, a la
                Antoine" and even congratulated Fritz in fluent Swiss German, judging
                by the by-chat they exchanged after dessert was served.

                Coffee, of course, was served in the office. A thought occurred to
                me, and I took a quick peek into the Manhattan phone book, Sure
                enough, there was a listing for "Charles, Nick". I decided not to
                dial. I mean, what if he answered? The mind boggled. We could have
                C. Auguste Dupin chasing Arsene Lupin through the New York Tulip
                Show...

                Wolfe cleared his throat. "Now, then. According to this file, a
                Norwegian named Sigerson photographed..."

                "He Who Shall Not Be Named?" I asked helpfully.

                Wolfe shot me a dirty look. "Arnold Zeck and this Blofeld character,
                large as life and conversing in a cafe in Cairo." He looked at Bond.
                "How in the world could they possibly survived? And apart from our
                past dealings with Zeck, how do Mr. Goodwin and myself fit into this
                picture?"

                The doorbell rang. Since we had a visitor, I let Fritz handle it. A
                bit of muffled conversation later, Fritz appeared in the office
                doorway. "Inspector Cramer, sir. He says it's urgent."

                Bond grinned sardonically. "I believe you're about to get your
                answer, Mr. Wolfe."

                Wolfe sighed. "Show him in, Fritz."

                There are a few constants in New York City. Rusterman's has the best
                food outside of Fritz's kitchen; the Flamingo is always the best spot
                for dancing; and Inspector Cramer of Homicide is invariably
                red-faced, chomping on an unlit cigar and ready for a war of words
                with Wolfe.

                When he caught sight of our visitor, Cramer's expression grew even
                sourer, if such a thing was possible. "Oh," he growled. "I see Her
                Majesty's Secret Service already showed up." His mouth quirked up a
                bit. "Any luck finding the Reptile House at the Central Park Zoo?"

                Bond exhaled expensive cigarette smoke through his nostrils. "No,
                but I did get some rather good scrambled eggs at breakfast that day."

                "Ha!" Cramer snorted, pulling up one of the yellow chairs. "So, how
                much has Mister Bond told you, Wolfe?"

                "Only that Lazarus is apparently not alone," Wolfe replied easily.
                "I take it then, Inspector, that our non-deceased nemeses have been
                spotted somewhere in your jurisdiction?"

                "You can take what you like. Lord knows you always do." Cramer
                settled back in his chair. "This town's been nice and quiet since
                Zeck apparently got his at that hideout of his. Last thing I want is
                for things to start popping again."

                "And again I must ask, what is my role in all of this?" Wolfe
                inquired, steepling his fingers over his repository for Back-bay
                Bayou Bunny.

                "That, Mister Wolfe," Bond said cooly, "is what we are going to find out..."

                -MMM-

              • Victor
                You wanted to know, said Bond, how you fit into this picture. He opened his briefcase and pulled out another file, which he handed to Wolfe. This may
                Message 7 of 10 , Jul 1 8:25 PM
                  "You wanted to know," said Bond, "how you fit into this picture." He opened his briefcase and pulled out another file, which he handed to Wolfe. "This may answer a few questions."

                  Wolfe had it open for only a few minutes, but from his raised eyebrows (he can't raise only one) I knew something had caught his attention. Without a word, he passed the file to me.

                  The photograph wasn't that much in focus, but it was clear enough. That Zeck would be in it was a given, but the man he was talking to was a surprise. He hadn't learned to laugh at life when Wolfe and I first met him in Montenegro, a lifetime ago, and from the looks of it he still hadn't got the knack. There was more grey in his hair, but there must be something about Montenegrins that kept the wrinkles out of their faces.

                  Wolfe looked at Bond. "Danilo Vukcic," he said. "Meeting with your Mr. Blofeld. When was this photo --"

                  "Hold it," said Cramer. "Danilo Vukcic? Any relation to Marko Vukcic?"

                  "His nephew," replied Wolfe. "You'll remember that I brought back Marko's killer. I couldn't have done it without Danilo Vukcic's help." He looked at Bond. "Does this have to do with the Spirit of the Black Mountain? I haven't kept track of that group's activities."

                  Bond blinked. "Our Sarajevo branch," he said, "knew of Vukcic and his group, of course. I trust this is in confidence?"

                  "I can speak for myself and Mr. Goodwin," replied Wolfe. "Mr. Cramer is another matter."

                  Cramer waved a mitt at Bond. "As long as Manhattan's not involved," he said, "you can go ahead. I won't say anything."

                  Bond nodded. "All right, then. Our Sarajevo station noted that the Spirit has managed to increase their inventory of small arms purchases -- rifles, pistols, and so on. They suspect that the Spirit has added a new source of funding, and the photographic evidence would seem to suggest that the funding is our Mr. Blofeld, assisted by your Mr. Zeck."

                  ***

                  All right, that's my contribution. Anyone want to continue?
                • M. Mitchell Marmel
                  Say, how about the title Orchids Are Forever for this little vignette? -MMM-
                  Message 8 of 10 , Jul 2 3:34 PM
                    Say, how about the title "Orchids Are Forever" for this little vignette?

                    -MMM-
                  Your message has been successfully submitted and would be delivered to recipients shortly.