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Re: [nde] I have been unsubscribed from NDE list=what a piddly decision.From Valerie in Oz.

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  • Renate Ziegler
    Dear Valerie, no, disagreements are not the problem. Having conversations from different points of view, are certainly not a problem either. Sharing different
    Message 1 of 2 , May 1, 2003
      Dear Valerie,

      no, disagreements are not the problem. Having conversations from
      different points of view, are certainly not a problem either. Sharing
      different experiences are also not a problem. As long as all this
      happens in a respectful way, according to our guidelines, and as long
      'conversations' won't be turned into 'confrontations'. In a small group
      it is possible to not have guidelines without getting many problems,
      because all members know each other usually far better and all are much
      closer. But in a group as huge as this one guidelines are simply
      necessary, otherwise for instance a conversation can easily turn into a
      conflict, and a conflict can -in the worst case- even turn into a 'war',
      which can get more and more people involved, and it even can destroy a
      list (I have seen this happen on other lists and message boards). Also
      there are many members who are rather shy and need the feeling that they
      have come to a save environment where they feel safe to share and talk
      without having to fear the reactions of others, and having conflicts on
      the list can literally scare them away (I have seen this happen too),
      even when they might not be addressed directly by someone involved in a
      conflict. It's already the 'tense atmosphere' on the list during
      conflicts that simply scares them, might remind them even when they have
      been attacked and hurt in their lifes before when they tried to share a
      personal experience or view, and they can get too frightened to post.

      We realize that no matter what we do, there will always be some who
      won't agree, but over the years we have talked and thought a long time
      about how we handle things, we have listened and thought about the
      suggestions, worries and opinions of members who wrote us, and we always
      tried to keep the benefit of the whole list in mind. We tried different
      things in the past and learned from experiences what was helpful and
      what wasn't. The result of this whole process is found in the actual
      version of the guidelines and in the way we handle things now. We might
      change some things in the future, whenever we should find better ways to
      deal with things. When we act, we don't act because we don't like
      someone, but because we have a responsibility to keep the list a safe
      and peaceful place. That doesn't mean that disagreements or differing
      views are not allowed, of course they are (conversations would probably
      be pretty boring if there wouldn't be different understandings or points
      of view ;o), but different opinions and views can also be exchanged in a
      respectful and kind way, there is no need to violate the guidelines,
      being unkind, or being disrespectful when disagreeing. I hope this
      clarifies any possible misunderstandings about this.

      No warning, unsubscription, or in some cases even ban is easy for us. I
      hope you will forgive me for using this term: it actually sucks. It does
      hurt a lot, because we don't only care about the list as a whole, but
      also because we care about each member. And this is the reason why we
      are actually not as strict as we could, in some cases maybe even should,
      be. But this is a huge responsibility, and at certain points we need to
      react...not because we want to...but because we have to for the reasons
      I mentioned above, regardless how hard this is for us or how much it
      pains us.

      Much Love,
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