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Who is Sauron? Now we know

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  • Stolzi@aol.com
    ... since the Oscars. From Salon.com: I must warn the world about Tom Cruise. I feel he is an utterly terrifying Superior Life Form, with the power to melt
    Message 1 of 1 , Mar 25, 2002
      ... since the Oscars.

      From Salon.com:

      I must warn the world about Tom Cruise. I feel he is an utterly terrifying
      Superior Life Form, with the power to melt heads and braid spines. His eyes
      are as hard, shiny and brutally penetrating as diamond drill-bits. The new
      braces on his teeth suggest that he is erasing all that remained of his tiny
      imperfections, and he is now metamorphosing into Ultra Super Perfection Man
      3000. I fear his intense, mind-beating politeness, his titanium
      imperviousness to human weakness, his barking power-laugh.

      "Movies make a little bit of magic touch our lives," he commanded us to
      acknowledge, with steely resolve and Mach-5 mega-humorlessness.

      People in the audience started laughing, until they realized that Tom was Not
      Being Funny At All. He was chosen to frankly address the post-Sept. 11
      whither-the-Oscars conundrum head-on. "Should we celebrate the magic the
      movies bring? Now?" Tom asked, his eyes boring into the eyes of the TV
      multitudes and implanting rays of total domination. "Dare I say it?" He
      flashed a smirk with his robotically flawless teeth. "More than EVER," he
      hissed, laying on his most Extreme Scientological Unction. He had been
      commanded by the Elders to Obi-Wan-Kenobi-ize the audience into rebelieving
      in the importance of the obscenely superfluous Oscars. Tom Cruise is becoming
      the Scary Flaming Eye from "The Lord of the Rings," and I fear that nobody
      can stop him.
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